You see
The things I cannot change
The things that make me plain

Lift me up my soul's so hollow
Lift me up

@kristina Outfit

She didn't have many friends, and though it was sad to say, she was kind of happier that way. She didn't have a lot of time when she wasn't at work and a vast chunk of it was spent keeping her home clean or chasing her son about. Running the Inn and the daycare kept her busy, so she didn't really think about dating. She wanted to, but it was complicated. She didn't think that she would find anyone, after all the last three blind dates that she had gone one, she had either been stood up or they left after finding out that she had a son. It was funny that she had such a hard time dating now, when before she couldn't keep them away. She thought of Cal sometimes. Of if she would have been happy with him, if things might have gone differently for her with him.

Alistair was not what she had thought that he would be either and though she had loved him, it was clear that she was nothing more than a way to get sober. A part of her hoped that he never came back, that he stayed gone. He had ruined it, ruined them and it wasn't something he could forgive. They could have been so great, they have been it. That love that was unforgettable. That love that generations down the line they were talking about, but yet again she had been left with nothing but pain when it came to men. For a while she had considered hooking up with a girl, or finding someone to just keep her satisfied, but she knew that neither would really work for her.

Tonight was a girls night with the one person she could probably call her best friend if she had one.  Kristina was cool and around her age, so the woman could identify with some of the things that Affy was going through. She didn't have a child, but she worked loads, and she needed a night to relax. She had Vic watching Renny for her, she knew how close Jericho and her son were becoming so she was all about friendship between them. Walking up to the door she hoped she didn't look too dressy and she knocked their secret knock so Kris would know it was her before waiting for the door to open.

I know you feel alone, yeah, and no one else can figure you out

But don't you ever turn away from the ones that help you down

The past few months had been some of the craziest of Kristina's life. In fact, the entire year was life changing in every way. She had been a normal woman in 2017; she had a great job, a lovely little flat, and a simple life that she loved. At least, she had thought she loved it. She wasn't sure how she had been so blinded by the build up of emotion and one day it all came pouring out. The monotony of her life had terrified her and she wasn't sure why. Most people dreamed for that sort of familiarity. To have a steady and calm life, one with no worries or stress. Kristina wasn't one of those people. She had tried to be, and for a moment she had even believed she was, but she wasn't. Not even close.

December had been the end of the year, and the end of Old Kristina. Since then it was as if she had been reborn. She was new and bright and fun again! Her life wasn't a bore anymore, and she vowed that she would never let it fall that way again. She was finally starting to get the swing of things. Her life was coming together in this new and exciting way, and she was excited to see how things would continue to improve for her. It was easy for her to overlook the first few months when she had started spiraling down. She was drinking heavily, sleeping with any man who would have her, and doing an ungodly amount of drugs. It was fun! It was exciting! It was....not something she could continue on with forever. That sort of lifestyle simply wasn't tangible, Not something she could keep up with for the long haul.

So she had begun to reel it in, partly because she was starting to get a handle on things now. Her business was taking off and that took a substantial amount of pressure off of her. She didn't feel it was as necessary now to bait the anxiety away with liquor. That wasn't to say she wasn't still drinking! In fact she had begun drinking as soon as her shift at Watson's had ended earlier in the day, and she was gaming up for a much needed girls night. She had made up a bit of finger foods, snacks, things of that nature and of course margaritas. Why of course margaritas? Well, she didn't know. OK? She just wanted a damn margarita and she figured that maybe Affy would want one too. At least she hoped the woman would. Drinking alone was one thing, drinking alone with company was another!

Kristina heard the familiar, yet secret, knock. She took a step toward the door but froze as she looked at her hands sort of doing a should-I-shouldn't-I jig. Her hands were covered in a mix of dough, meat, seasonings, corn starch! Tamales were a messy business, but damn were they good. Kris gave up the notion of answering the door herself and instead hollered out, "Door's open! Get yer sexy arse in here!" She couldn't help but laugh to herself and hope that her friend had heard her.

Astrid and Kristina were Affy’s two best friends and she doubted they had ever even met in their entire lives. Not that it was that much of a bad thing, it wasn’t like the two would ever go in the same circles or really even like each other, at least she didn’t think they would. They were so different, and both so unlike her. Astrid was a beautiful amazing mess, it was what made Affy want to be her friend and the ballerina had reached out to her when she had no one else. Kristina on the other had had found her while she was putting herself back together after all the things that had happened with Alistair. She wanted to hate him, to want only the worst things for him, but he had decided things were better off without him there. That marriage was not a life that he wanted and she had taken care of the paperwork,

The bar was hers and it was such a part of her life now. It was so much more than a bar though. It had once been the home to hunters, to those that sought to harm those that were different, and she was not going to have it. She had gone about making the changes she needed to the place at night when few people were there, and it had worked wonders. She was now helping the people that her husband had sought to hunt. She wasn’t perfect and she couldn’t expect things to get better over night but she was trying. She had gained the trust of a few people and she was working on making that more, but she needed help and she would never ask her staff to do so.

Affy heard her friend scream for her to come in and she laughed before shaking her head and opening the door. ”You know, I am pretty sure that your neighbors could hear you. “ One thing she didn’t miss about her place before. At least no one could complain when Renny started crying at night. Poor thing had a hard time sleeping at night so she had to give him breathing treatments, because Asthma was no joke but he was a happy and healthy thing other than that. She said before dropping her things and putting them away, much neater than she realized.

I KNOW YOU FEEL ALONE, YEAH, AND NO ONE ELSE CAN FIGURE YOU OUT

BUT DON'T YOU EVER TURN AWAY FROM THE ONES THAT HELP YOU DOWN

Tonight was something a little more special than just a girls night to Kris. Tonight was the night that she was going to come clean to at least one fucking person in her life. Why Affy? Why not? Affy had been a great friend to her for so long and she trusted her, and that was saying something. Kris had many friends which she had put small amounts of trust in, let in just a tiny bit, but Affy was by far the deepest into her life. Possibly even one of her best friends? She had thought possibly about letting Ari be the person she opened up to but things were still a little weird between them. Well, maybe it was just in Kristina's head, but she still felt...guilty? Why she felt guilty was beyond her reasoning. So she had slept with Alfie? It had been long before those two had started dating anyways. She shouldn't feel guilty about the fact that she had previous relations with her new beau. She shouldn't, but she did.

In the light of that she had found that Affy was the only other friend she had that she wanted to be that open with. She wanted to open up about her horrible anxiety attack in January and the self destructive months that followed but mostly? She wanted to brag, a little. Kristina wanted to show someone what she had managed to make from the wreckage of her life. Months in the making, she had finally started to put the pieces together and create, not only something workable, but something she thought was beautiful and exciting. Her life was exciting again! And she was proud of it. As strange as it really was, she was proud. She knew if anyone would be able to appreciate her happiness it would be the woman who had just entered the flat joking about how her neighbors could hear her hollering.

"Aye, let 'em hear, lass! Now they've all got the know about yer sexy ass." Kristina laughed as she finished up the last of her tamales before popping them into the oven. She danced around the kitchen a bit tidying up and washing her hands, she looked up noticing her friend neatly putting away her items. "Hen, you can switch off yer mom mode here. Toss your things about if ye'd like!" Kristina grabbed her glass as well as another and headed over to her friend. With a smile she held out the margarita she had made her, hoping that if it was already made she wouldn't likely reject it. "And without yer bairn you can have a drink with me! Margaritas, made 'em myself. How is that wee bairn anyways, babe? Feel like I haven't seen my little pal in ages!"