Now 'til forever

it's all of me, all of you

Just take my hand

Trigger Warning: Rape


17 June 1970
Blackmoor Ridge | Lestrange Castle
Northumberland | Dorset


This couldn’t be it. This wasn’t going to be the rest of her life.

Andromeda’s mind was reeling as she lay there on the bed. Screaming hadn’t done any good. Fighting hadn’t done any good. Finally, she had stopped fighting him. It was almost normal now, how the routine went. The fighting, and the yelling, and then her being overpowered, and him taking what he was after in the first place. It had changed, over the years, it had gotten rougher. There were plenty of times when it hurt more now than it ever had when she had been younger. He didn’t care if he hurt her, and she knew that. She knew that he didn’t care about her at all.

But that was a part of being in this family she supposed. It was a cross that they had all picked up and carried, and she knew that it wasn’t something that was ever going to go away. It was something that would always be there. As long as he had control, as long as he could get to them… She wondered if he still tried to hurt Bella? If Rodolphus’s protection was enough to keep him away from her? Would it be enough, would Rabastan’s be enough to take care of her too?

Honestly, she had no idea. She didn’t know if it was going to be enough, all that she knew right now was that she had to get out of here. She had to get out of this castle. And she had to get out of Northumberland. She just needed away from this. Away from him. All she wanted was to get away from him.

His hand landed squarely on her ass as he smacked her again in the process of getting up. The yelp that it caused didn’t make it out of her throat. She bit it back with everything that she had. Giving him the satisfaction wasn’t worth it. She wasn’t going to give him anything else. He didn’t get any more of her pain. If that was the last thing that she ever did, she would keep her pain, and her tears, away from him.

The slam of her bedroom door told her that he was gone, and yet the witch didn’t move. She couldn’t. Not yet. There was a part of her brain that was still processing that it had happened again. That she hadn’t been strong enough, again. It made her feel horrible, and small. It made her feel like she was eight years old again.

Torn between showering, and just getting the hell out of there, Andromeda found herself reacting without really thinking about it. Discarding her torn dress to the floor she made her way to her closet as if there were someone else in control of her actions. Something modest. Something dark. Even in the summer, all of her clothes were high end, and darkly colored. Modest, but not in a way that made her seem frumpy. Just enough that no one would get any ideas.

If there was anything that she couldn’t stand it was lingering gazes and wandering hands. Touch was something that she abhorred. Unwelcome hands put her on edge and made her feel as if she were going to jump out of her own skin.

She should have showered. She could still feel his presence on her as she pulled the new dress over her head and zipped it up. Maybe it was just this place. Maybe it was just being in this room, where she could smell him, he was everywhere here. It was oppressing in a way that she couldn’t even begin to describe. She just had to get out of here. She had to clear her head. She had to get it together.

This was not the way that a Lady handled things. This was not the way that a Black handled things. It was not the way that a Lestrange should handle things. And she was going to be a Lestrange. Clearing her head was essential. She couldn’t go to him like this. She couldn’t let anyone see her like this. Brushing her cheeks clear of the tears she hadn’t yet let fall, Andromeda grabbed her wand off of the nightstand, and her purse from the vanity chair, and disappeared.

Apparating away was the only thing that she could think to do. She had left her little sister in that castle, but for the moment she thought that Narcissa would be okay. He had just had his way with her, he would leave her little sister alone for long enough that she could clear her head. And then she would go back, and it would be fine. She could keep her safe. She would always keep her safe.

It was just that she needed a minute. She needed a minute to herself. Just a minute…

She was seventeen years old. She was a Hogwarts graduate. And she couldn’t stop him. She wasn’t strong enough to do anything about it. She couldn’t make it quit. And what was she supposed to do? Who was going to believe her? It was her word against his. Against theirs… Because she knew whose side Mother would be on. And where did that leave her?

Shaking her head Andromeda wiped the first of the real tears from her cheek as she stood on the front lawn of Lestrange Castle. Looking up at the towering stone walls, she didn’t know what she was doing here. There was no sense in it. She didn’t want him to know. She didn’t want Rabastan to see this… But she knew better than to think it was Bella that she had come running to. Her sister didn’t care. Her sister had never cared. Not the way that Andromeda did. Bella had never sought to protect.

But it was protection that she sought. It was the idea that she could be safe here. That maybe Rodolphus made Bella safe. That maybe Rabastan could keep her safe too. That was the idea of marriage, right? And they had been betrothed for years now. If she couldn’t run to him, who was she supposed to run to?

Knocking on the door, Andromeda wiped her cheeks again – trying to get rid of the evidence. Trying to make it all disappear, but she knew that it was there. She hadn’t showered. It was all over her, the evidence of what he had done. When it opened, she offered a shaky smile to the little elf and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “Could you find Rabastan for me, please? Quickly?” She would not say that she was comfortable here, in fact she was quite uncomfortable, standing in this hall. If her father realized she was missing, this was the first place he was likely to look…

Rabastan Ashmedai Lestrange • 1145 • andromeda's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

Now 'til forever

it's all of me, all of you

Just take my hand

17 June 1970
Blackmoor Ridge | Lestrange Castle
Northumberland | Dorset

❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖❖

School was finished. It was time for his real life to begin. Rabastan was not too sure what that meant. Marriage soon, of course. Rodolphus and Bellatrix were already wed. He would take Andromeda as his wife in the coming months. They would go to university in the fall. He meant to study at Lufkin. He had been accepted to Bangor, but more prestigious as the school might be its limited degree offering turned him off to it. He wanted to grow his mastery in potions, but he also wanted to go beyond the wixen sciences to more liberal social endeavors. He wanted to understand the human mind. He wanted to understand his own mind. So, he would double major and LU: Potions and Psychology.

He would occupy himself with his studies and his wife. He would keep from the darkness that was sinking its teeth into his brother and sister-in-law. While he held the purist doctrines as his own, he has little desire to become a soldier in a halfblood's war. He was confused to Trixie's obsession with the man. Certainly Tom Riddle was an accomplished wizard, but he was not one of them. Not truly. He was not Sacred Twenty Eight. Rodolphus seemed impressed, as well, with the wizard--thought not so taken as his wife. Still, his brother had ensured him that when Rabastan met with the man he would see. He would see why that their father and the fathers of many of their generations were aligned with the man. He would see that he too had a place in the ranks. 

Rabastan was not so certain of this-- but he trusted Rodolphus, and despite everything he did still want to please Ronan. Seventeen felt little different than seven when it came to his father. Rabastan was desperate for the man to approve of him. He had been atoning for the murder of his mother since his very first breath, but that was an impossible task. He would never be forgiven. He would never be rid of the guilt. But he tried. He tried anyway. His continued pursuit of Ronan's approval would guide him into Riddle's assembly unless someone directed Rabastan elsewhere--unless another offered him a better path.

For now, he had time to himself. Hogwarts was over; university had yet to begin. This was the last summer between the precipice of his youth and what was to come after: this enigmous thing known as 'real life'. He was not ready for such a thing. He was young. He had not found himself, defined who he was to be... and if he was not careful, that would be defined for him. Life could easily spiral into darkness-- or it could be more. 

He thought of the serious things less than he should. He was a seventeen year old boy, after all. There were other things on the mind. Things that a wife could have helped him with, but instead he was left with only his hand. Magic helped, too, of course. And in the midst of a very private moment, Eri popped into his room calling for 'Master Rabastan!' in a most frantic tone. It killed the moment immediately. "What do you want, Eri?! I said I was not to be disturbed." He groaned out the words in frustration, flopping back on his bed. 

The elf rapidly apologized, begging for forgiveness for the intrusion and explaining that the Lady Andromeda had arrived. Rabastan felt a swell of concern. It was not that his betrothed was unwelcome at Lestrange Castle, but for her to simply show up  unannounced was most alarming. It confused him and worried him. He quickly pulled back on his pants, fumbling around for shoes and trying to get a look at his hair in the mirror. It fell in his eyes and he flipped it away. It was good enough.  

He made quick work of the long stretch of hallway and was taking the stairs two at a time when he saw her there in the entryway. “Andromeda,” his tone was heavy with concern as he closed the distance between them. His youthful brow was furrowed as his eyes swept over her.  “Are you alright?” He asked--not really sure if such a question would be offensive to her. He meant nothing untoward by it. “Not to give any impression that you are not welcome here--you are always welcome here, but I was not expecting you,” the wizard hurried to explain, to clarify. He did not want to do anything that would discourage the witch from coming here, coming to see him. He rather liked the idea to be perfectly honest. He wanted private moments with the witch-- and not only for matters of the flesh, though that was a motivation. He counted her a friend. They had much in common and he enjoyed her presence. She was wicked smart and distractingly beautiful. It was a dangerous combination, but a perfect blend to lead to his heart's bewitchment. 

@ my intended • 833 • outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

Now 'til forever

it's all of me, all of you

Just take my hand

The moment that her feet had touched down here, Andromeda wasn’t sure why she had come. She knew that if Father realized she was missing; this was absolutely the first place that he would look. She was sure to be found. But it wasn’t that she had truly wanted to run away. She did not wish to leave. She only wanted to think. To breathe. Perhaps someone to confide in. And yet, she did not want to speak of what had happened to her. It had been happening for years. She had been eight years old the first time. And she was going to be eighteen in August.

So much had happened in such a short life. So much that she could do nothing about but sought so desperately to change. If she could have protected her sister, she would have. Anything to keep those monsters away from Narcissa. But it wasn’t that simple. She had never been good enough to keep them away from her forever. Long enough. Longer than Bella had kept them away from her. But Andromeda didn’t think that Bella had even tried. Protection had never been an instinct of her sister’s, but it was one of hers.

Right now, she sought to protect herself. She had come here, without really knowing that she had even meant to. She had apparated out of her bedroom and ended up on his front walk. She had never shown up without notice before. She had never just surprised him. Usually there was an owl first. Or an elf sent along saying that she would like to spend time together. Because she did like to be around him. She liked to talk to him. To try and understand the world through his eyes.

They were different. And yet they were very alike in some ways too. Damaged people, from dark homes. That was who they were, and that was who they would always be. They couldn’t change the past. They couldn’t even change what had happened this morning. But they could change the future. Their future. Sure, it wasn’t the ideal situation, but as far as arranged marriages went, she thought that she could have done a whole lot worse than Rabastan Lestrange. He was her friend, before he was anything else, and Andromeda didn’t know a whole lot about a healthy relationship. But she thought that a marriage of friends had to at least have started out on the right foot.

Coming here, she hadn’t meant to worry him. Though she realized as soon as the elf had disappeared, that she likely would have. He would be surprised by her arrival with no warning, and she didn’t know what she was going to do about that. Coming here had been a mistake. She was nearly certain of that. Making sure that he had never figured anything out had always been a priority. She had made sure that it never showed at school. Sure, she had never let anyone touch her. She had guarded herself with extreme caution.

All contact was contact that she initiated, it had been that way since she was a child. But there had been contact. Years had come and gone, and she had known about the arrangement with Rabastan for a good many of them. It was not new. They had been promised to one another as children. And Andromeda had taken some comfort in that. Dating had never been an activity that she had had to worry about. And no one had ever bothered her about it. She was Rabastan’s. And he was hers. She had made sure of that.

Sitting on his lap had been possessive the first time that she had done it. She had heard Malory Tripe say something about Rabastan one day as she passed in the Common Room, and instead of confronting the other girl about it, Andromeda had walked across the room and sat down across his legs. After that contact had become normal. They were around one another so frequently that she had allowed herself to become comfortable with him. He was one of the handful of people that she didn’t mind when they touched her. He, and Narcissa, and Bella. That was it.

As he came barreling down the stairs towards her though, Andromeda wasn’t ready for it. Being around him after what her father had just done had never been a situation that she had had to face before. But she had run this time. She had come here, to him. And still, when he drew close to her, she flinched back. Arms wrapping tightly around her middle, and her nails biting into the palms of her hands as she tried to hold it together. She had already brushed the tears from her cheeks, but she worried that more were going to spill over as he looked down at her.

Not trusting her voice right away, she felt herself shake her head. She hadn’t come here with the intention of telling him the truth. But she didn’t want him to touch her either. And she didn’t quite know what to do, or say, now that he was standing in front of her. She had wanted him, but what exactly had she wanted? “I…” another quick shake of her head cleared her thoughts as she finally turned her face up to his. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have intruded. I can go.” No, she was not alright. No, she didn’t know where else she was going to go. But she could go. If she was interrupting him, she could go. Maybe for a walk, to clear her head.

@ please... • 941 • andromeda's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0