Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2018 18:38:06 GMT -5
I Can't See Me In This Empty
Place
Just Another Lonely Face
They hadn't been in school for even two weeks yet, and Jay was already done again. However, he also was more than just a little reluctant to go home, so instead of going off on one of his 'I hate this life and everything currently in it' moods, he'd chosen to hide up in the dorm by the window. Ha, the "window". They all knew they couldn't open them without not only drowning, but submerging the bottom half of the school, but it was still nice to sit on the floor against his bed looking up at the charmed stained glass. Depictions of greek Mermaids and kelpies, the sea. Green light bathing the room, at times flickering when something in the water above and around them swam past. The squid had already done a couple of circuits before pissing off somewhere. Faen. Would that he didn't mind; it was a type of company he could bear for long periods of time. No talking, no questions, no expectations. With water the Slytherin was at peace for it was a life he knew very well and related to. Perhaps one day he would even live his life out on it for good, like he had once planned to do with his father Aleksej. He didn't know. First would come his Plan™ with Will to make a life in Romania with dragons and no family, and then once he had gotten that out of his system, perhaps he would turn his sights back to the water. Not just any water either... The waters of the northern hemisphere. So at night's he could lie on his back on the deck of a ship, staring up at the Aurora Borealis, and reveling in being free.
Free. That word had become more and more ingrained into his mind these last few months after feeling like he had been suffocating. There was nothing worse than the claustrophobic pressure weighing in from all angles. And not even because his family were expecting things from him. It was the opposite; They were so absent, he couldn't deal with it anymore. Bertha had suddenly backed off to let him make his mistakes and live life ever since his farfar Yzera had turned up and walked back into her life. His parents were raising his baby sister- ha, baby sister... she was already two years old and talking - and their letters were not only sporadic, but often short and untelling. Oriel was gone, in hiding, and he hadn't heard from Damion. Who did he have? No one. Everyone had left, and now he was getting by out of sheer spite and also because he had the possibility to be away from all of it in a few months once he graduated. Free to do what he wanted, when he wanted, without struggling to understand why he wasn't good enough for anyone anymore. Will had the life they were both supposed to have, but since his 'twin' couldn't share it, he didn't want it. And Jay... there were no words for the feeling Will gave him just by wanting to be there. They really were like twins separated in the womb in many ways and he missed the guy like he'd lost all his teeth. Der gror ikke muse på rullande stein.; A rolling stone gathers no moss. They hadn't stopped since the day they were born. Whatever came next they'd face at a run, because walking took too long and time meant the chance to set down roots. They couldn't afford to grow sentimental about their lives just yet... not when they had never really fit.
His eyes stayed trained on the window across from him, bottle of akvavitt beside him and a small glass. In some ways he'd miss this place once he no longer had to come back. He'd miss the bridge and getting to sit with his legs dangling into space, or doing his workouts on the roof... flying up to the school roof on his broom.. and of course, the lake. The only places he'd really felt at peace in the past even though there could have been people nearby. He was also going to miss Quidditch with what he thought was Hogwarts best team, and getting to poke fun at Blue and U-jin for being lovesick. Hanging out with Dion when he wasn't in one of his bullshitting moods. His conversations with Rhaelle that no one understood because no one had ever wanted to take a scandinavian language. That much brought him a little closer to feeling like he was home, the same with talking to Syn. Norway was where his heart would always be because it was his homeland and his country. Nothing could or would replace that. That much was evident in the fact that while Jay was practically fluent in English (entirely fluent, but he liked to pretend he wasn't) his accent was still strong and he messed up. He didn't concentrate. He got things wrong even though he should have known better. Truth was that Jay hated most parts of Britain and had never wanted to come here, to live here, especially with a government who made no sense and hurt people that he cared about for no good reason except for what they called 'blood status'. That wasn't unique; some scandinavian wizarding communities were the same. But they had never taken it this far. Never shunned the muggleborns from their schools. Magic, in their eyes, was magic.
The door opened and he turned his head to see who it was for a moment, then turned back to the charmed window. "Ettermiddag, Cal. How are the things?" He asked blandly, lifting his glass to his lips. They weren't missing a practice unless Blue had decided to spring one on them. He wasn't needed in the Drama Club. Whatever it was, it didn't concern him. Cal was doing whatever Cal was doing, for his own benefit. He respected the boy well enough - he was a jaevla good keeper and had saved them a few times now - and he was... bearable company. Almost what Jay would have called a friend, had he been in a friendly kind of mood, instead of a drinking heavily and staring at glass for a few hours, kind of mood. "Sticking around for a while or do studies call? I have cracked open some akvavitt. To you, I guess it would be like... gin or vodka, together? I could be persuaded to duplicate a glass if you're interested."
Free. That word had become more and more ingrained into his mind these last few months after feeling like he had been suffocating. There was nothing worse than the claustrophobic pressure weighing in from all angles. And not even because his family were expecting things from him. It was the opposite; They were so absent, he couldn't deal with it anymore. Bertha had suddenly backed off to let him make his mistakes and live life ever since his farfar Yzera had turned up and walked back into her life. His parents were raising his baby sister- ha, baby sister... she was already two years old and talking - and their letters were not only sporadic, but often short and untelling. Oriel was gone, in hiding, and he hadn't heard from Damion. Who did he have? No one. Everyone had left, and now he was getting by out of sheer spite and also because he had the possibility to be away from all of it in a few months once he graduated. Free to do what he wanted, when he wanted, without struggling to understand why he wasn't good enough for anyone anymore. Will had the life they were both supposed to have, but since his 'twin' couldn't share it, he didn't want it. And Jay... there were no words for the feeling Will gave him just by wanting to be there. They really were like twins separated in the womb in many ways and he missed the guy like he'd lost all his teeth. Der gror ikke muse på rullande stein.; A rolling stone gathers no moss. They hadn't stopped since the day they were born. Whatever came next they'd face at a run, because walking took too long and time meant the chance to set down roots. They couldn't afford to grow sentimental about their lives just yet... not when they had never really fit.
His eyes stayed trained on the window across from him, bottle of akvavitt beside him and a small glass. In some ways he'd miss this place once he no longer had to come back. He'd miss the bridge and getting to sit with his legs dangling into space, or doing his workouts on the roof... flying up to the school roof on his broom.. and of course, the lake. The only places he'd really felt at peace in the past even though there could have been people nearby. He was also going to miss Quidditch with what he thought was Hogwarts best team, and getting to poke fun at Blue and U-jin for being lovesick. Hanging out with Dion when he wasn't in one of his bullshitting moods. His conversations with Rhaelle that no one understood because no one had ever wanted to take a scandinavian language. That much brought him a little closer to feeling like he was home, the same with talking to Syn. Norway was where his heart would always be because it was his homeland and his country. Nothing could or would replace that. That much was evident in the fact that while Jay was practically fluent in English (entirely fluent, but he liked to pretend he wasn't) his accent was still strong and he messed up. He didn't concentrate. He got things wrong even though he should have known better. Truth was that Jay hated most parts of Britain and had never wanted to come here, to live here, especially with a government who made no sense and hurt people that he cared about for no good reason except for what they called 'blood status'. That wasn't unique; some scandinavian wizarding communities were the same. But they had never taken it this far. Never shunned the muggleborns from their schools. Magic, in their eyes, was magic.
The door opened and he turned his head to see who it was for a moment, then turned back to the charmed window. "Ettermiddag, Cal. How are the things?" He asked blandly, lifting his glass to his lips. They weren't missing a practice unless Blue had decided to spring one on them. He wasn't needed in the Drama Club. Whatever it was, it didn't concern him. Cal was doing whatever Cal was doing, for his own benefit. He respected the boy well enough - he was a jaevla good keeper and had saved them a few times now - and he was... bearable company. Almost what Jay would have called a friend, had he been in a friendly kind of mood, instead of a drinking heavily and staring at glass for a few hours, kind of mood. "Sticking around for a while or do studies call? I have cracked open some akvavitt. To you, I guess it would be like... gin or vodka, together? I could be persuaded to duplicate a glass if you're interested."
TAG: @callahan | WORDS: 1092 | Date: January 14th 2018 | Location: Slytherin Dorms
MEL @ ADOXOGRAPHY
