dying to know.
● ● ● ●

Trying to keep up with you lately, is it too hard to just talk without driving us crazy?

Date - 31 August 2018
Location - 12 Cilgant Heulwen

Unbelievable. Un - bloody - believable. Meredith could not remember the last time she had felt so angry. She wanted to throw something. To tear the bloody house apart. She - she... Merlin, it was the exact same anger as that day. Meredith hated the she could remember it so vividly. Or, at least, vividly enough that she knew what the anger felt like. Most of that day had been otherwise blocked out, except for the major details. But now... now it was slowly trickling back. It had been, for the last couple hours of sitting through that damned dinner. With Finlay. How could she have not seen that coming? It was his own ridiculous middle name, after all. But even for Carson, this was just too much. And even Meredith, for all of her observation and intellect, could not have seen this one coming - because it was just that stupid. Who in their right bloody mind bought a Quidditch team just to attempt to reunite with his own son? A son that knew nothing of him, mind you. Not to mention the reason Meredith had pushed Carson away in the first place: the eerie Dark Mark that shifted around on his wrist.

But that was Carson bloody Baines for you, and the more Meredith mulled over it the more she thought that this was right up his alley. Always for extravagance and making a show of things and never taking a damn thing seriously. Merlin, how he riled her up. Seeing him after over twenty years had been a whirlwind of emotions, but Meredith was fairly certain that anger had been stealing the show from the very start. Anger at his stupid plan and that smug stupid look - and it was all just very stupid. That was really the only word that seemed to be coming to Meredith's mind as she furiously scrubbed at the dishes in the sink. For a woman of her intelligence, she really should have been coming up with more, but the anger seemed to be clouding her mind a fair bit. The anger and... there had been something else. Something that Meredith didn't want to admit. It was... excitement? That really was far from the perfect word for it, but it vaguely sufficed. They hadn't had a normal divorce. It had been 'leave the house' and then the papers had been signed as soon as possible and then... nothing. That had been the end of that.

Twenty-one years without any closure, apparently, had resulted in Meredith's mind entering some sort of frenzy at the sight of her ex-husband. Frenzy fit a great deal better than excitement. It was illogical and messy and nonsensical. A frenzy. Because her brain hadn't expected this. Meredith had managed to convince herself that Carson was as good as dead, as far as her and Idris were concerned. That had been for the best, really, but him showing up literally out of nowhere went very harshly against that, so the result had been her mind refusing to think straight. For the briefest moment, Meredith knew she had faltered. A longer than usual pause, a wide-eyed stare, and her jaw set, she had probably looked like a deer in the headlights. But then the remaining sliver of rationality in her mind had seemed to kick in with the only option for any self-respecting Slytherin: play along. Because if she hadn't done just that, then twenty-one years of raising Idris far away from anything that Baines stood for would have been for nothing. And so that had been exactly what Meredith had done. She had sipped at her wine - perhaps a little too much, but that was beside the point - and made small talk and gotten through it.

And now, she was angrily cleaning the dishes by hand, because casting a simple scourgify would not have been nearly as satisfying. "Bloody... idiot," Meredith muttered under her breath as she dropped a soapy plate a bit too harshly. Even brought out the nice plates for this dinner, and now they were suffering at the hands of her anger. Well, better this than committing murder. Although Meredith was quite sure she could get Liv's help to weasel her way out of a murder charge if she could justify it. And Meredith really did think she could justify it. Movement in the corner of her eye made Meredith look up from her new victim - a drinking glass - and glance at Idris. "Just leave the dishes on the counter," she said with a nod towards the area, then returned her eyes right back to the sink. How had her night gone south so quickly? How had years of secrets come tumbling down in a matter of hours? Meredith had some serious complaints to file with Merlin himself, at that point.

@idris
801 words
outfit (minus purse and sunglasses)

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

it's been a minute
and my memory of
you is fading

❧

The dinner party hadn’t exactly been what Idris had expected. Things were slow in the beginning, but little by little, his mum had engaged in small talk and he and Finlay had managed to “talk shop” enough for the both of them. But that didn’t stop it from being a little…awkward for some reason. For one, he hadn’t expected so many awkward silences. After he and Finlay had exhausted the Quidditch talk and there wasn’t much left, there had been quite a few prolonged silences that would have put any other man ill at ease. But not Idris. Yes, he was good at filling them… but after about the fourth, he’d taken to just talking about how his day was going and the things that he was planning to do over the next week because it just seemed like his mum didn’t want to contribute to anything. He was good at rambling – or talking in general, really. He could go on for hours. Unfortunately, that hadn’t been what this was supposed to be about…not at all. This was supposed to be about his mum getting to know his mentor…his friend. He’d half expected them to be fast friends.

But they weren’t. His mum was cordial, nothing more. Which was weird for her. Normally, she was all about networking. After all, wasn’t that what she’d been doing with Director De la Vega? Networking. But this had been nothing like that. Yep, it had been awkward.

And it just kept getting worse, it seemed. Usually, after guests, he and his mum would pal around for a few hours while they avoided doing the rest of the housework. After all, entertaining was hard…it took a toll on both of them. Sometimes it was easiest to grab a glass of wine or a pint and hang out on the couch for a couple episodes of Top Gear. But, after Finlay had left, Meredith had retreated back into the kitchen and Idris was left in the dining room, pulling up the tablecloth and grabbing all the loose dishes.

Christ, had they really gone through two bottles? That seemed near impossible, didn’t it? Dinner hadn’t even been that long… Idris shook his head, picking up a few of the plates that were still left on the table and walking into the kitchen. His mum was standing at the sink, her head turned away from him. She’d barely said a word during dinner when he thought about it. That was the scary part. He wasn’t used to her being so quiet about everything. She had an opinion on everything…Quidditch especially. But she’d been more than content to let Idris and Finlay talk their way through every play in the playbook with just a smile and comment here and there.

If anyone would’ve noticed her small idiosyncrasies, it was Idris. After all, he’d grown up with this woman. She was his best friend…he knew everything about her. And he certainly knew when something was wrong. She turned sharply, eying him before she told him where he could put the rest of the plates. “Woah, there,” There was obviously something going on – something that went deeper than just an awkward dinner party with Finlay. Idris wasn’t sure what it was. He’d never quite seen his mum act like this. Yes, there were people that she didn’t like, but she usually said her peace and got over it. Maybe that was what was unsettling about all of this. She hadn’t really talked about it. She was just in the kitchen scrubbing at dishes like it was the last thing that she was going to do in her life and she was going to do it right, damn it.

“You know that we have spells for this, right?” He asked, leaning against the counter. She was deep in concentration and, it seemed, trying to break some of the nice china. Merlin’s Beard, Idris had always hated that China. If they were going to break it, he wanted in.

Quickly, he shook his head. That wasn’t the point. The point was that he needed to figure out what was wrong with her. Maybe he’d said something that she hadn’t liked. Maybe she’d just gotten one of those vibes. It could’ve been anything, but Idris trusted her and her gut. If something was up with Finlay, he needed to know. Idris reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, almost as if he was trying to get through to her. It really did seem like she couldn’t see or hear him at all. She was just so focused on…cleaning. “Mum?”

@ mum | 768

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[attr="class","lyric1uni"]dying to know

[attr="class","lyricbguni"]

[attr="class","lyric2uni"]And my thought of you has changed
We said we wanted that
Part of me wants it back

[attr="class","textboduni"]He had caught her off guard. That had been the worst of it. That Meredith had been expecting nothing but an amazing night. A smooth dinner. She had everything planned out in her head. And then every question she hoped to ask each had its own little tweak just in case something needed to be rephrased. Meredith always had things lined up nice and pretty. She could see everything coming, and if she really couldn't see something coming, then it was highly likely that she could think her way out of it. This was supposed to bee simple. Compared to the week of hell that had been preparing for Welcome Week and dealing with the multitude of dumb questions from the parents of incoming first years, this dinner was supposed to be a silver lining. Something fun and light to unburden her of the even more tormenting week that was sure to come with students moving into residence and the welcome week festivities getting underway. It was supposed to be her break from reading research papers and correcting the monotone writing style of her teaching assistants. This dinner was supposed to be her easy night. Ironic.

Twenty-one years, and he still... got this reaction out of her. Maybe that was what Meredith was really annoyed with. That all Carson needed to do was show up and all of a sudden, every memory of them was rushing back to her. Everything from the good to the bad. From their first meeting... to the last time she had seen him. Meredith wasn't even sure if it was still anger at this point. At least, it wasn't only anger. At the rate she was scrubbing at that ridiculous china, there was definitely still some anger mixed in there. How couldn't she be angry after he had pulled this? Lying about his name and buying a bloody Quidditch team just so he could weasel his way back into their lives. But then there was also fear. Meredith was terrified of the what if. What if Idris found it all out? How much did he already know? And now that the dinner was over and Carson had left, it was clear to her that he didn't know anything... but now there was also something out there in the open. Meredith had been far from her usual self that whole dinner. Nothing but terse replies and raised eyebrows, and it would surely be enough to spark something in Idris' mind.

And then there was the undeniable pain in her chest. The one that had a name she didn't really want to think about because that would make it too real. But it was right there, looking her in the face. It was heartache. Meredith had always known that Carson was it for her. Between whatever other dates she had gone on in recent years, whatever ridiculous and flighty attempts she had made at moving on, nothing really compared. Because as much as Meredith hated everything he had done, everything he was still doing, she knew she would never hate him. She could never hate him. No matter how much she wanted to just curse his name and forget about him completely, it was something that Meredith knew would stick with her forever. Not having to see him for twenty-one years had helped her forget all about that, but now... now it had bubbled back to the surface. Because even in the middle of all of her anger and fear throughout that dinner, there had been some moments that Meredith had had to fight back a small smile or two. Things that reminded her of the reasons she still -

No. She couldn't go down that road. After all this time... things had to have changed. And even if they hadn't, everything else around them had changed, and there was Idris to think about. Her son had always been her first priority, from the day she had decided to push Carson out of her life to tonight. Meredith knew she had a choice to make. She knew now that it would only be a matter of time until Idris figured it out. Or Carson told him. Or... she told him.

Meredith could hear the tension and the confusion in his voice, and she hated herself for putting Idris through this. She knew that as much as she wanted to blame Carson for this, she was hardly innocent in any of it. Carson had lied to her for seven years, but she had lied to Idris for his whole life. The hand on her shoulder snapped Meredith out of her dishwashing trance and she closed her eyes as she let out a shaky sigh. She gently set down the plate in her hands and leaned her palms agains the counter. This was the one thing that Meredith just... hadn't planned for. "I'm sorry, Idris," she finally said, turning to look up at her son with a small smile on her face. A sad smile. "I... I'm really not myself, clearly," she said, shaking her head as she took off the dishwashing gloves on her hands and tossed them into the sink. "I know that's probably not the dinner you imagined," Meredith continued, this time her voice a bit more careful as she looked up at Idris again.

@ son | 888 words

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF GS + WW

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