WINNER TAKES IT ALL

THE LOSER STANDING SMALL

BESIDE THE VICTORY, THAT'S HER DESTINY

She loved him. There was no sense in denying that. Olivia knew that she loved him, but she had thrown him out for precisely that reason. She couldn’t love him. He wasn’t hers to love. He had made his choice before he had even met her. He had married Eliza, and she was the other woman. She was the one that people hated. She was the one that had fallen in love with a married man. She wasn’t that person. She didn’t know when she had become that person. The woman that stole another woman’s husband. Because she hadn’t meant to.

Olivia had never meant to do that. She had never meant to take something that wasn’t hers. A stupid kiss, at a stupid game. She hated that she had done that. That she had started that ball rolling. That she had kissed him, and then that she had followed him out of that ballroom. That she had gone to that closet. And that now, here they were, two years later, and she had thrown him out because she loved him. She loved him, and it was all her own fault. She had done this to herself.

And so, she had broken her own heart. Before he had had a chance to do it. She had broken it herself, and she had regretted it. The moment that he was behind her. The moment that she didn’t turn around. She had regretted it. And Olivia thought that it had hurt worse than ever when he hadn’t come after her. When he hadn’t followed her. He had let her walk away from him. He had let it hang there, in the air between them, and he had let her walk away. Because she hadn’t mattered to him the same way. There was a part of her that felt like she had been made a fool. And there was a part of her that said that that wasn’t true. That she had mattered.

Her heart.

It was her heart that said that she had mattered. And it was her head that was telling her that that couldn’t be the case. Because if she had mattered, he wouldn’t have let her leave. He wouldn’t have let her walk away from him without saying a word. But he had. He had let her go. And she knew that there was the possibility that she was going to spend the rest of her life asking herself, why? Why had she done that? Why had she sent him away? Why hadn’t she just shut up, and accepted the part of him that she did get to have?

Because she deserved better.

She knew that. She knew that she had done it because she was Olivia Drake. Because the blood in her veins was that of the Le Fays. Because she knew that she deserved better than being a secret. She deserved better than risking careers, and reputations, and everything else, to have dinner in a city three countries away, because they couldn’t stay here. Because someone would see them. Someone would recognize them. And then where would they be? Getting pizza in Italy on a ‘business dinner’? That might have worked once, or even twice, but it wasn’t a good solution. And she didn’t want that.

Loving him was the problem. And the cost to fix it, had been her own heart.

But then he had shown up. And Olivia didn’t know what she was feeling, knowing that he was here now. That he was standing on the other side of the door after months of not knowing. After having no idea what it was that he was thinking, or if she had even mattered. And now he was here, and she had slammed the door in his face. She didn’t want to look at him, to have him see how much she had hurt. To let him see how much him just showing up now was enough to make her chest ache again. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t get to see how much he meant to her.

And then she heard it. Left her. He had… But that was… No.

Olivia pulled the door back open to face him. If they were just words, she thought that she would see it. In his eyes. On his face. She would see if he was lying to her or not. But why would he come back now, and lie? “Why?” Her eyes had narrowed, and she was doing her best to look suspicious. Even annoyed. Because anything was better than letting him see the hope. Anything was better than letting him see the pain she had put herself through.

@ why? • 782 • it was on polyvore

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

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[attr="class","ctopline"]THE GODS MAY THROW A DICE

[attr="class","cscriptde"]their minds as cold as ice

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[attr="class","clyrics"]AND SOMEONE WAY DOWN HERE[break]
LOSES SOMEONE DEAR[break]
THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

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[attr="class","cbody"]Beckett wasn’t sure that he could pinpoint the exact time that he had started to fall for Liv. He wasn’t sure that there was one moment. It was everything. Everything about her that was different than Eliza—and even things about her that were similar to his now ex-wife that annoyed him about Eliza, but somehow didn’t bother him at all when it was Liv. It was the way that she was more invested in Quidditch than he was, the look on her face when he took her to a particularly bad restaurant just for fun, the way that she got everyone at work to do exactly what she wanted, whether they realized it or not. It was everything about her.
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There wasn’t any doubt in his mind who he was supposed to be with. He knew that the second that she had walked away. And he could have stopped her. He could have told her that then and there. Could have told her that there was nobody else in the world for him but her—he would mean every word, of course. It was the truth.
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But what were words? They were nothing but empty promises without action behind them. She had thousands of his words. Everything that he’d ever said to her, the times he’d told her that he had wished he hadn’t been such an idiot, that he hadn’t gotten married to the first person that came along, that he should have waited for her to come around. He had given her words.
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This time around, he had known that he had to do more than that. He didn’t know if she even would have listened to him if he had tried to call after her, if he had tried to pick her right then and there. She deserved more than that. He had known that in that moment, and he had spent the past couple of months making sure that he could prove to her that he wanted to be with her. That he was choosing her. He had known the risk in waiting, and he had done it anyway.
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He knew that dealing with a messy divorce could impair his political ambitions in the Ministry, which was why he had kept everything quiet. He had given Eliza whatever she wanted to make sure of that. She’d gotten every property that she’d liked, she’d gotten nearly everything but their main house, and that had been enough to stop her from making this the divorce of the year, splashed across every paper that cared about that sort of society nonsense.
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It was why he knew that Liv wouldn’t know that he was divorced. It wasn’t public yet. Eliza certainly hadn’t told anyone, and he hadn’t told anyone but his family yet, obviously. They had been the first people that he had told and they had obviously not been all that happy about it. He had secured a good match, she would help him charm the right people, grease the right hands, and they would get the power that they wanted. But eventually, they had come around to the idea. As much as Graves craved power, they weren’t cutthroat about it. They would rather him not be miserable with Eliza if he had another option.
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Everything was sorted out. Everything except the most important part, which was telling Liv. He could only hope that it wasn’t too late for them to try to do this for real. Months had passed. He knew there was a chance that she had moved on, that she had found someone else—or at the very least, that she had just decided that she wanted nothing to do with him. But when she opened the door, he thought there was at least a chance. He had a shot. This wasn’t over yet. If it was, she wouldn’t even care what he had to say. “Because I love you, Livvy.”
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[attr="class","cnotes"]656 ● @ because i love you

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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WINNER TAKES IT ALL

THE LOSER STANDING SMALL

BESIDE THE VICTORY, THAT'S HER DESTINY

This was… He was… He wasn’t supposed to be here. That was all there was to it. Olivia knew that he wasn’t supposed to be here. Because if he was here, that meant that something had changed. That meant that he had come back, and she had walked away for a reason. She had walked away because it was what she had to do. Because it was the only thing that was going to keep her safe. It was going to keep her heart safe.

Beckett Graves wasn’t going to get to hurt her. Olivia had made that decision for them. She had taken it out of his hands. And here he was, waltzing back into her life like he had the right to just come and go as he pleased. He didn’t have the right to anything. He didn’t have rights at all! He had… Nothing. He had nothing. He got to have the door slammed in his face. And he got to stand out there, and freeze, because the last thing that she was going to do was let him in here. He didn’t get to come in here, he didn’t get to break her heart.

And that was all that was going to happen if she let him in. That was all that could happen. He was married. Not that that had been some big secret. She had known that from the start. Olivia had known that Beckett Graves was married since the day that they had met. Maybe not the moment that she had met him, but her mistake had been corrected. She had gotten caught up in the moment, she had been excited, and perhaps that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Perhaps there was something to be said for all of this. That it had happened for a reason.

Everything happened for a reason.

That was a thing that people said, right? People still used that silly quote when they did things that they probably shouldn’t have done, and then they did anyway, because ‘everything happened for a reason’. Sometimes it was just that that reason was your own sheer stubbornness. That was something that Olivia Drake could get behind. That was something that she could believe. That things happened because people were stubborn. Because they didn’t know when to walk away. But she did. And she had. And now here he was, walking back in here like he owned the damn place.

Except… Leaving her? He had left her? That didn’t make any sense. Why on earth would he have jeopardized his entire career. The one thing that had always been the most important. The thing that they had been so careful about. Their careers. Dinner dates three countries away, to make sure that they weren’t recognized, and he went and got divorced? For what? To prove his love for her? He had let her walk away! He had let her walk away from him, and he hadn’t said a damn word. He hadn’t so much as said her name, and Olivia hadn’t turned around. She couldn’t have turned around. Looking at him would have broken her.

Only now he was here, and he was telling her this, and she was pissed. He didn’t just get to make life altering decisions like that, and think that she was what? Going to fall back into his arms, and act like nothing had happened? Like this wasn’t something that he had never even talked about doing, and then he had done it, he had nearly sabotaged everything that they had worked so bloody hard to maintain, because he loved her.

He loved her…

She had heard the words, but somehow, they weren’t registering in her brain. She loved him too. Olivia had loved him for a while now. Long enough that she had imposed this distance between them. That she had pushed him away so that she wouldn’t get hurt. She had done that. She had done this. And now she had opened the damn door. “You’ve said that before.” And he had. He had said that he loved her, and she had said it back. Because it was true. She did love him. But she also hated him. Right now, especially. “So why is this any different?”

Arching her eyebrow at him she let go of the door and crossed her arms over her chest. “You come back here, and you say you left. Because you love me? Suddenly loving me is enough to throw away everything? It certainly wasn’t before. I walked away, and you gave up… Everything? For what? The chance that I wouldn’t open this door and tell you to go to hell? You let me leave Beckett! You let me walk away from you, without one goddamn word! And now you’re here, telling me you left Eliza, for me. For us?”

@ i love you too • 812

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

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[attr="class","ctopline"]THE GODS MAY THROW A DICE

[attr="class","cscriptde"]their minds as cold as ice

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[attr="class","clyrics"]AND SOMEONE WAY DOWN HERE[break]
LOSES SOMEONE DEAR[break]
THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

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[attr="class","cbody"]Once he had decided to serve Eliza divorce papers, he had known that he needed to tell his family. He had thought that they would be surprised—shocked, even. But they hadn’t been. That was probably what had surprised him more than anything else about this situation. Beck had thought that some explanations had been necessary, that they would be disappointed that he would do something that would certainly negatively impact his career, but they had known that he wasn’t happy with Eliza.
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And, honestly, he knew that they would like Liv when they met her. There was no doubt in his mind about that. Langdon and Odelia, especially, but he had to get past this first. He had to make sure that Liv… understood, maybe. That she understood that he had risked everything, had left Eliza without even knowing if Liv was going to take him back. He had done that, because the chance of being with her was better than another second spent with Eliza. Even if this did end with Liv closing the door on him for good, he wasn’t going to go back to Eliza. The divorce had been finalized. It was over with his ex-wife, no matter what happened here today.
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But he had to hope that Liv wouldn’t close that door again. He wanted to spend the rest of his life making up for everything that he had put her through. For far too long, she’d had to watch him walk away, had to watch him go back to his wife. In that time, he’d never had to deal with that. He couldn’t know how it felt. But he knew that if their places had been reversed, there was no chance in hell he would have made it as long as he had. If she had been the one married, if he had to know that she was sleeping with her husband night after night, it likely would have drove him absolutely mad. But she had dealt with it, and now, if she took him back, she never would have to again. She could be the only woman in his bed for the rest of his life. Hopefully, anyway.
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Telling her that he loved her wasn’t going to be enough. He knew that it wasn’t going to be, but it was at least a start. And it was the truth, which helped too. But it was going to take more than that to get her to really forgive him.
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“I know I have,” he said, but Liv kept going. He was going to take that as a good sign. A Liv rant was better than monosyllabic answers. He would take a rant any day of the week. It meant that they were getting somewhere. He wanted to think that it meant that, anyway. She cared enough to say all of this, which meant, deep down, that she still cared about their relationship. If she didn’t even want to bother, there would have been no point to any of this. Right?
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Her words came to an end and silence fell between them. Only for a couple of seconds and it was only then that he spoke again. “Yes,” but just like he knew telling her that he loved her wasn’t going to be enough, he was just as aware he’d have to do more than say yes to all of that. “Yes, I left Eliza for you. For us.” And the moment that he had, everything had made sense. All that he could do was wonder why he hadn’t done it sooner. “I wanted to stop you the second you walked away, Livvy. But everything I would have said would have just been words. I wanted to prove to you that I meant them. I wanted to do something.”
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Maybe she would have believed his words. Maybe actions hadn’t been necessary, and he could have stopped her then and there and tell her that he only wanted to be with her. But he had given her words—for years, he’d given her words, and he had known that he had to do more than that. He’d known that she deserved more than that and so for him, that was worth the risk. Letting her walk away, giving him time to prove what she meant to him, had been worth the risk.
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[attr="class","cnotes"]726 ● @ livvy

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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WINNER TAKES IT ALL

THE LOSER STANDING SMALL

BESIDE THE VICTORY, THAT'S HER DESTINY

This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He had walked away! Or really, he had let her walk away. But it was the same thing. Either way, she had ended up alone, and he had gone back to Eliza. Again! He had gone back to her again, and she didn’t know how on earth he thought that coming back now, after months, was going to make a difference. He had had months to come after her. And yes, she had heard the rumors of a rift between he and Eliza, but she hadn’t taken them seriously. Why now? Why would this have made any difference?

He had clearly made his choice when he had let her walk that day, and she had thought that that was the end of it. She had thought that she was going to have to spend the rest of her career trying to avoid the Magical Games and Sports Department because he was always going to be there. He was always going to be someone that she couldn’t get away from because he was someone that she had been around before she had been in this position. Before she had let herself fall for him.

Merlin above, she never should have let herself care. It was the caring that had gotten her in trouble. When she had started to care that he was going back to Eliza. That he couldn’t stay in her bed, that they couldn’t wake up together. That there was no real future in this. That had been what had really gotten to her. When she had realized that she wanted a future. And that there wasn’t one. There was nothing more than what they had. She had fallen in love with him. She wanted a life with him. And he couldn’t give her that married to Eliza.

So, there was a choice. Her, or his wife. He was done having both. And it had come so fast. She hadn’t even thought that it was bothering her until it was. Until she went from zero to very much caring in the matter of a few select heartbeats. Then he had had a choice to make. He had had a choice to make, and Olivia had thought that it would be an easy one. She had thought that when she turned around to walk away from her, he would have grabbed her elbow. Told her to stay. That they would figure it out. That he would leave Eliza. That something could change.

But he hadn’t! He had let her walk away, and it had been months. There had been months of radio silence, and avoiding one another at work, and everything that she had never wanted. Everything that they should have been able to avoid. Because no one should have ever pursued the other in the first place. And he had pursued her. She would not back down from that. She had kissed him, yes. But that had been out of excitement, and she had apologized. They could have left it at that.

Only he hadn’t. He had been the one that had stood too close to her. He had been the one that had touched her hip. He had been the one that had broken up that dance with Bagman. He had been the one that had told her to meet him in the coat room. Yes… She had been the one that had gone to the coat room. But she hadn’t been the one that had suggested it. She hadn’t been the one that was breaking marriage vows! He was. That had been all him. And look where that had landed them.

Yes? Yes? Really? Olivia didn’t even try and stop her face from betraying her feelings on the fact that he chose to answer all of that with one word. But before she could comment on it at all, he continued. “You could have proven it by doing it, and telling me. I have had nothing but whispers, and the occasional rumor that so and so heard that you had filed for divorce. What the hell was I supposed to do with that Beckett?” She was mad, but she had backed up enough that he could step past her into the flat. There was no sense in continuing what was fast becoming the fight that they should have had months ago, with him standing in the hall.

“You could have told me what you were doing. Instead you leave me alone for months! You let me walk away from you! And now you come back. You just come back,” she had been trying to keep her arms crossed, but she couldn’t when Olivia got wound up, she spoke with her hands, and they moved to exaggerate her point, “And you think that it’s just going to be the same? You think that you can just walk back in here and expect me to take you back?! I gave you a choice Beckett, and when you let me walk away, I thought you were choosing her!”

@ you left me alone! • 847

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

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[attr="class","ctopline"]THE GODS MAY THROW A DICE

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[attr="class","clyrics"]AND SOMEONE WAY DOWN HERE[break]
LOSES SOMEONE DEAR[break]
THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

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[attr="class","cbody"]He knew that it had been his choices that had put him in this situation. That had put them in this situation, really. He knew that he had been the one that had cheated, he had been the one that was married and hadn’t cared, because he’d only wanted Livvy. He hadn’t been able to imagine the affair ending, he hadn’t been able to imagine his life going back to work and a marriage that had never been anything other than something done out of convenience. He couldn’t imagine her being out of his life, even if he had known it was something that they never should have started up to begin with. He knew that it was never supposed to get this immeasurably complicated, but it had.
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It had, and the reason behind that was his marriage. That was what it all came down to. It came down to the fact that he’d pursued her even though he had been married. That they had started sleeping together, even though he was married, and that had led to more time spent together. It was only supposed to have been sex. In fact, Beckett had been sure that if they just got that out of their system in the coatroom that night, then they could both go back to their jobs and the chemistry between them would be easier to ignore. But that hadn’t been the case. If anything, the one time had only made him crave her more. He had wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything—he’d had no control over it. No control over how he felt or what he wanted. And it had escalated, it had complicated… and it had gotten to the point that they were at now.
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It had gotten to the point where what he wanted more than anything in the world was Olivia Drake. He had never thought that he would divorce Eliza for her. That had not been in his mind when the redhead had first caught his eye. He had never thought that they would have ended up like this, that they would have ended up here. But they had.
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And now he knew there was a chance that it was too late. There was a chance that Olivia would want nothing to do with him now. She had walked away, after all. She had made her decision and it had taken him a while to get back here. Maybe that hadn’t been the right choice. Maybe he should had stopped her that day or sought her out when he had served Eliza the divorce papers instead of waiting to get through all of the arguments and all of the concessions. Instead of waiting until the papers were signed and done with, maybe he should have come here earlier. But he couldn’t change those choices now. He had wanted to come back to Olivia, able to be with her for real. Even if she didn’t want him anymore. He had wanted to be divorced. He had wanted the mess of that divorce over and done with—and now it was.
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Even if she didn’t want to take him back, even if she didn’t want to be with him for real, he couldn’t be sorry that he waited until now. In his mind, it was the only thing to do. He wanted to be free and clear of Eliza. He wanted that action behind his words. “I don’t know, Livvy. I honestly didn’t think you would have heard anything about it.” It had been kept incredibly private, after all. He hadn’t wanted word to get out about it until it was settled, and until he could tell Liv about it himself. He couldn’t control Eliza though, so maybe she had told enough people for word to spread. There was no way to know for sure.
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She had moved back enough for him to come through the doorway, so that was exactly what he did, even without explicit permission to do so. Beckett let the door close behind him, but he didn’t try to come into any more than he already had. He didn’t think this argument was going to be put on hold long enough to go anywhere else. Her rant continued and he let it. It was clear to him that him waiting for action did not mean the same thing to her that it had to him. He wasn’t sure how to make her see that. “I didn’t think that it was going to be the same. I didn’t come over here expecting anything. I just wanted you to know that it’s over with Eliza. Papers-signed, she’s-moved-out over. I wanted to be able to give you that. I wanted to give you more than words. I’m sorry if you would have just preferred words, but you’re better with them than I am. I wanted to prove that I could do something.”
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[attr="class","cnotes"]822 ● @ livvy

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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WINNER TAKES IT ALL

THE LOSER STANDING SMALL

BESIDE THE VICTORY, THAT'S HER DESTINY

Getting over Beckett Graves was never going to be easy. And she had known that. When she had walked away from him, and he hadn’t stopped her, she had known that getting over him was going to be impossible. But she had made up her mind. She was going to do it. She was going to get over him. And Olivia had thought that it had been working. She had thought that she was going to be fine. Because he had chosen Eliza. And that was… That was fine. He could choose whomever he wanted. It was his life. It was…

No. Dammit. It was her life too. This was their life. And she had thought… She had been so stupid! She had thought that he was really going to leave his wife for her. And then he hadn’t. He never had. And she hadn’t even wanted him to. Not in the beginning. She hadn’t gone into this looking to get attached. Or to steal him away from Eliza. She had never thought that that was going to happen. She had never thought that she was going to fall in love with him. And then she had. And she had run.

The moment that she had thought that she loved him, she had thrown up walls, and cut every string that she could find, and she had wanted nothing to do with him. Not until he chose. Not until it was going to be her. Not until he was sure. And he had let her go. He had let her walk away. He could have said something! Anything! He could have grabbed her hand and said that he would do it. That he would leave her. He had never promised her that he would before. There had been no talk of leaving Eliza until she had made that ultimatum.

And she knew that it had come seemingly out of nowhere, but it hadn’t been out of nowhere to her. It had been right there. She had felt what she had felt, and she hadn’t wanted to end up in this so deep. She hadn’t wanted to spend months trying to get over him. Olivia had never meant to get so attached, and then she had. And she had been screwed. She had been so screwed that she hadn’t wanted to see anyone. She went to work, and she couldn’t get away from him.

And she couldn’t tell anyone that she didn’t want to work with the Games Department, because there was no reason not to. They had been so careful. No one had known about the affair outside of Aurora. She had been so very, very careful. He had a wife. They had careers. They had been so careful. And she had had to go on living with the fact that she had to see him, and work with him, and know that he was going home to his wife, who had must have meant more than her the entire time. And she hated it. She had hated him. Because it was so much easier to hate him, than to blame herself for making him choose.

“That’s better?!” She stepped closer to him, rage pushing her towards him so that she could hiss the words instead of yelling at him. “You thought somehow no one knowing anything was better than telling me that you weren’t choosing her at all? That you hadn’t decided that I was fun, and all of that, but that you’d rather go back to what was safe, and what was secure, and give her that bloody baby that she’s wanted for years. Did you think that I wouldn’t think radio silence meant that you had chosen everything you had all along?!”

She was mad. But she was even more annoyed that part of her mind could see where he was coming from. He had done something grand. And he had done something huge. Even if she threw him out right now, he had thrown what he had already had away. For her. He had chosen her. Even when he hadn’t said it. And she knew that she was going to take him back. She knew it in her bones. Because she loved him. And there was no sense in denying that. She loved him more than she could even have tried to put into words. But she was so angry with him, she didn’t know what to do with all of it.

“You did plenty!” Her hands landed on his chest and she pushed him just a little bit. She was so mad, but she also wanted to kiss him. Part of her saw him standing there, telling her that he had wanted to give her more, and she knew that she wanted to kiss him. To thank him for that. For doing something about it, when she had asked him to. But his methods… She was so annoyed with his methods. “If you ever think about not talking to me for months at a time again, I am going to become the worst nightmare you have ever encountered in your life. Do you understand me, Beckett Graves?!”

@ never again • 862

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0