Stupid Boy

@jayson | Olivia's Outfit

Olivia was hiding, and she knew it. She was hiding behind the looseness of her dress. She was hiding behind the mask of make up that she was wearing to conceal the bags under her eyes. She was exhausted, and she thought that she could have slept for a week, and she would have still been exhausted. That was the side effect that she had. She was nauseous every once in a while, but that wasn't terrible. It was the exhaustion that she thought was going to do her in. All she wanted was to go home, and take a bath. Or curl up next to Beckett, and go to sleep with some part of her body touching his. Going to sleep wasn't an option in the middle of the afternoon though, no matter how badly she thought that she wanted to. She couldn't let herself fall asleep at her desk either. Not when no one but the two of them and her healer even knew that she was pregnant. She wasn't far enough along to actually tell anyone yet, though she was far enough along that she had woken up this morning with a noticeable little bump in her abdomen. 

She had dug through her closet to find a dress that would cover it, and all she had found that wasn't her normal, tight, style, but that also wasn't a maternity dress already, was what she was wearing now. Light pink... She was wearing light pink, in a show of spring time she supposed. Though the looseness of the dress made her all together a whole lot less intimidating than she liked to be as the head of this particular department. The Department of Justice was nothing to scoff at, and Olivia expected those that worked within it to conduct themselves with a sense of propriety that she didn't necessarily expect from everyone else in the world. Her life wasn't all that complicated, not anymore. And that was both good, and bad. She thought that so long as they all remembered the past, there was no reason to dwell on it. They didn't need to carry it around with them, and in a way, she thought that she was starting to let go. At least as much as she could until her hand floated down to her abdomen, and she remembered when the baby was due. 

Being the forth one though, she had to hope that it would come maybe a little early. She'd take a week. Just a week. Whatever she could do to make sure that the baby was not born on December the first. That she most definitely didn't want. There was no need to make that day harder than it had to be. It wasn't the baby's arrival that she was most worried about right now though, it was it's existence all together. Olivia knew that she wanted this. That she wanted a baby so so badly, but she also knew that Beckett had agreed to try because he loved her. Because he wanted her to be happy. And not because he actually wanted a baby. Whether or not that was going to change how he loved a child, she didn't believe that it would. He was an amazing father, and she knew that he would be just as amazing with a baby, once the baby was here. It was the getting to that point that she was worried about. It was making it through morning sickness, that hit in the middle of the afternoon. And the desire for cherry licorice that never seemed to go away. And everything else. 

They would get through it. She would get through it, and in the end they would have their baby. They would have this tiny little miracle that they had created together. That they were going to be responsible for, just like the other three... They had two of them that were seventeen now. Callahan would be eighteen in a little over a month, Lyla had just turned seventeen on Friday. Their family was perfect though, they were the picture perfect family. Two sons, a daughter, and a baby on the way... Olivia didn't think that there was anything more that she could have wanted in the world. This was her family, and they were perfect. Looking up at the sound of knuckles rapping on her door she found herself staring at the one person she had known. practically her entire life, that understood why she did what she did for a living. "Nate..." The redhead waved him in and stood up to kiss his cheek over the top of her desk before she sank back into her chair. "If you're in my office, I'll put my galleons on the fact that you screwed something up royally..." There was a teasing lit to her tone, but she also knew that he knew, that she would help. 

Nate had always been good at getting himself out of his own messes, really. Mostly because he never went into something without half a dozen escape plans - half of which included lying his way out and the other half often boiled down to begging Liv to help him. It was just how he was and he hadn't thought he'd ever find himself in a situation where he'd not be able to get everything he wanted. Because that was what was happening now. For ten years he'd lived a life that wasn't his, blue collar husband with half a dozen kids, working nine to five to make ends meet. That was the furthest possible from what he really was, rich playboy that never had to worry about anything in his entire life, who'd been promised in marriage since the girl had been born - and by that time, he'd been a father already, joys of joys. It had been nice and he did feel something for Keva, something strong and half the reason why he was in this predicament in the first place. Because if he didn't, he'd have cut her loose and married Cathy in a couple of years and pretended the ten years he was Jayson Morrison never happened. That was the smart thing to be done, really. Be decent and provide for the kids - and he did love them, okay, the narcissist in him wouldn't allow it to be otherwise - but not get involved any more than he already was. If Zahra ever found out about Keva and the kids, she'd kill all of them and that would put a strain in Nate's relationship with his mum and he didn't want that to happen - he was her favourite, after all, and they always had a great relationship.

But- but- he cared. A tiny bit, only a little, only enough that he'd allowed Keva to know that he was alive. Why had he done that? Well, after an in-depth analysis, he'd come to the conclusion that it hadn't, thankfully, been out of sentimentality. It was just that- well, he couldn't back out from a challenge. And being dead seemed like too neat a solution to a ten year old saga. Nate couldn't fucking leave things well enough alone and had to go and create more problems to himself. And yes, fine, fine, maybe he did miss Keva. A little. Somewhat. It wouldn't have been enough to bring him back, oh no, but coupled with his daredevil tendencies...it was a recipe for disaster. But what was done was done and he needed- shite, he needed help. And, on par with the course, he had one person that he could count on to help him. Or, at least, to laugh at his face and point out the obvious. Olivia was his sister in ways that even the girls weren't, really, and they've known each other since forever. He in his fake marriage and her in the mistress saga. It was good that her story with Beckett had a good ending, really, because the two of them were the real deal. Great relationship, wonderful kids...Speaking of kids, Nate was due to horribly spoil Lyla by buying her something she definitely didn't need and it was horrifyingly expensive. Yes, he needed to get to it as soon as possible. The little girl he'd cooed over was almost a woman grown, as terrifying as Liv and proving to be
a force to be reckoned with - just like her mother. And, as established before, Nate liked to be in the good side of powerful, scary women. For the sake of his health.

After wrapping up some changes that he'd had to make in his schedule for the next week, Nate picked up the bag from the famous chocolaterie that Liv so loved, along with some cherry licorice because he was bringing out the heavy bargaining guns that day, and made it out of his office, heading for hers. Being best friends with his boss was hilarious, Nate had to admit, but he didn't make a habit of invading Liv's office without any official business to talk about. Normally, he'd bring something for her and they'd get work out of the way before he started bothering her for gossip and their bickering could go for hours on end. That day, though- well, Nate was prepared for the full force of her sisterly disapproval - and a good dose of her laughing at his face because he made a mess. Again. Taking a fortifying breath, Nate rapped his knuckles against the door of the office and stuck his head inside. "Hey, Liv," walking in, Nate closed the door behind him and smirked as she kissed him, kissing her right back on the cheek. "You wound me, seriously! I came here with gifts and you ambush me with baseless accusations like that. I'm tempted to leave, really," sitting down, he offered the bags with a flourish. "To brighten your day, Madame Graves."

tags: @ liv

outfit

Stupid

Boy

She was going to have a baby, and for as much as she had wanted one, Olivia didn’t know the kind of mess that she was going to end up in. Because this was a mess. Beckett had agreed to try, and even Olivia could admit that she hadn’t thought it was going to be that easy this time around. She hadn’t thought that it was only going to take the first month. That she was going to get pregnant that fast. But she had. And now they were here, and this was most certainly a mess that she found herself in. One that she knew, or at least had faith, would straighten itself out in the end. But she didn’t know for sure. She couldn’t know for sure. All that she did know, was that she was going to have a baby. Come December, or even late November, they were going to have a baby. And she had done this before, she knew what she was doing. She knew how to be a mother, that part didn’t scare her.

Being a mother, and Beckett not being here was something that she was worried about. She was worried about the way that he was acting and the fact that she couldn’t bring herself to talk about the fact that she was pregnant at all. Because she didn’t want anyone else to know. She didn’t want to tell them that she was having a baby, when she wasn’t certain that Beckett was going to pull it together. And it was her own fault. She knew that it was. She knew that she had done this to herself. But she wasn’t convinced that there was any reason that she couldn’t just be happy. Her mind wanted to be happy. It logically knew that there was no reason not to be. But she was stuck. In whatever this was. She was stuck feeling exhausted, and run down, and she couldn’t cave in to that, because she only wanted to actually sleep if she was touching her husband. Her foot on his leg. Her back to his chest. Something. She needed the contact.

And she knew that that was her own insecurities showing through. But she knew that he loved her. She knew that they would get through this. She had to hope that they were going to get through this. She could do this on her own. She could go to the healer on her own. She could take care of herself on her own. She could do this. Olivia didn’t need Beckett’s help. But she wanted it. She wanted him to just, be there, and so far, he had been. He had been there, he hadn’t left over this. But there was distance there that she didn’t like too. They would figure it out. She would figure it out. And the kids would never know. The older ones wouldn’t see. The baby would never have to find out. Olivia could do this, and she had faith that Beckett would too. They could get through this, and they could be happy again.

Trying to explain to him why she had wanted the baby was nearly impossible. But she knew that she hadn’t listened to him not wanting one either. She knew that it was complicated, but she loved them. All of them. Her family was everything that she wanted it to be. And from the outside, the Graves were picture perfect. She hadn’t been expecting the man that she considered the closest thing that she had to a sibling to pop into her office, but she knew that if he was here without warning it was probably because he wanted something. Her help, most likely, and as much as she teased him, she would always give it. And get her mind off of what was going on in her own life. “You brought me presents?” Her eyebrows raised a little bit and her smirk grew, “If you come bearing gifts you have me really worried Nate. What did you do?” She was still teasing him, but she accepted the bags with a genuine smile. “Chocolate, and… Licorice? Have you been talking to my husband or my daughter?”

@ nate - 704 - olivia's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRPHY 2.0

Nate's family was a bit of a mess - albeit a very organised one. Pureblood father, halfblood princess mother, a recipe for disaster if he'd ever heard any. That they'd married for love had seemed to be the predictable part of the tale, since all the rest was a little too wild to be expected. Zahra was, ironically, the strict one, the one who was more comfortable resorting to murder than to bribery when she wanted something fixed. His father was...rather laid back, as most of the Arundell seemed to be - but he was also morally ambiguous enough to look the other way whilst his wife bathed people that she didn't like in blood. Not to forget smart enough to not try and meddle in however she wanted to raise Nate and his siblings, of course. The only exception was Edmund, the heir and therefore his father's actual responsibility. Not that Edmund Sr would do anything or teach anything to his precious heir Edmund Jr without Zahra's approval, that was ludicrous. But they needed to give out the impression that Nate's father was in charge of at least something in that house. They were, after all, a very respectable and old family and anything that looked out of ordinary was to be purged - or hidden.

Compared to that, what Nate could see from Liv's family - and even the family he'd fake built with Keva - was so alien that he wasn't surprised he'd latched so hard on it, to be part of it. Ignoring the mess of his own making with his not marriage to his not wife, Nate had spent most of his time over the last two decades getting invested in Olivia's life and that or her family than his own. When had been the last time he'd spent any time with Elizabeth or Mary or James? He and Edmund had never got along, it wasn't uncommon for them to go a full year without seeing each other or even talking even though they lived in the same house. Technically. But his other siblings- at some point, Nate suspected he'd been close to them. Talked to them often, at least. Except now he'd barely see them, the girls especially. They were married already, with children of their own. Nate couldn't stand Mary's husband and Elizabeth's...well, he'd slept with him once and that was a hella awkward topic for small talk. Thankfully, it had been before his sister married the bloke but still- not something he was eager to bring up.

Maybe that was why he was so invested in his almost sister's life, actually. It was uncomplicated - in a way - and...normal. Just what he'd been craving when he'd pretended to be Jayson Morrison - except that had ended up being the boring shad of uncomplicated and that life would have made him commit ritual suicide one day. It just wasn't stimulating enough for him, not something that he wanted to do with any sort of regularity. Now that Nate had spent so long being himself again, he found that he was ill inclined to return. "Well- that's the question, isn't it? Right now? Nothing. This is more like...a follow up on a two decade old mistake," he grimaced, Liv would know what he was talking about. Secrets were something that didn't exist between them, after all, and she'd had a front seat to the whole fake identity drama. "Both, actually. But most recently Lyla. Thought that, since you can't drink, I should bring you something nice to bear this conversation," Nate grinned but then sighed. Fucking hell, what a mess. His impulse control was severely lacking, it seemed.

tags: @ liv

outfit

words: 607

stupid boy

You always had to be right

And now you lost the only thing
that ever made you feel alive

Olivia didn’t think that there was any sense in pretending that she wasn’t worried about this. Now that it was real it was a lot more real. It was something that they had, that she had, to face. Because she knew that this was her decision. She knew the choice that she had made, and she just had to hope that she wasn’t going to lose everything over it. That by the time that the baby got here, they would be okay. She didn’t think that he was going to leave. And she didn’t think that he was going to hold it against the baby, but she was still worried. Olivia was always going to be worried. She was going to worry until the baby got here, and then she was going to spend the rest of her life with her heart walking around outside of her body, split into one more piece than it had been before.

She knew that she was vulnerable in that way. She knew that her father would say that she had taken an incredible risk every time that she had had a child. One baby had been liability enough. Four? And there was Beckett to consider. Aside from her children, Olivia thought that the fastest way to control her, was through Beckett. And she didn’t think that it would take anything but death to stop him from fighting back, but Merlin help the person that turned a wand on her husband. Olivia might not have been intimidating to look at. She didn’t think that she had to always give off that presence. But she could flip the switch. Even today, in her loose pink dress, and battling the little bit of nausea that came from being first trimester pregnant, she could flip that switch.

It wasn’t something that she had ever had to be taught either. It was in her blood. To go from soft, and gentle, and warm, to cold, and stoic, and sometimes vicious. She knew how to be both. Olivia had bark when she needed to, but she had bite just as well. The power was there to back up her threats. And Olivia thought that anyone that didn’t believe that she had that power just had to look at where she had gotten herself. And she had done it without a name behind her. She hadn’t had her grandmother’s name backing her up. She hadn’t even had Beckett’s name to get her there. She had done it all on her own. And Olivia thought that that was something that she could be proud of. That was something that she wanted her children, Lyla, especially, as her daughter, to be proud of.

Seeing her brother appear in her doorway Olivia shook her head a little bit. If he had come bearing gifts there was likely a reason. And it wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, it was just that she knew him too well. When he did speak though she shook her head. That mistake was going to haunt him. Because it had gone wrong. Getting the girl was one thing. Kids? Kids were something else entirely. They were something that hadn’t been a part of the deal, she was sure of it. And yet, he had done it anyway. “What about her?” Her. Never her name, if she could help it. Just Her. Olivia almost blushed, but she knew that Nate was one of the few people that did know, besides the kids. He had probably known before she had told him, just by the way that her mannerisms changed when she knew that she was pregnant. “Thank you.” She opened the licorice and then looked up at her brother. “Now, tell me. What about her?”

@ brother • 626 • olivia's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0