I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge

You're laid out on the floor and you're not sure
You can take this anymore

Outfit @lincoln

It was pissing down outside and Izzy was leaning against the window looking out at her rather shitty view as the rain came down. Thunder and lightning weren't all that common, so she didn't mind watching the storm. She had so much on her mind. So many things that she wanted to really say, things that she wanted to do and she was just so scared. He was in the other room changing his clothes. She knew that she had to tell Link, but she just didn't know how to do so. She hadn't been in this situation before, hell he was the first man that she had ever slept with, but he meant something to her, he meant more than she could have expressed and she was scared. 

She didn't want to tie him down, she didn't want to be a repeat of the past that he had, or the past of his family. She knew about his ties, his cousins and family that meant so much to him, but he didn't want to be connected to them by name. She was pregnant, carrying a child that had come into a situation that didn't need a child. She was so busy, constantly working that she didn't put two and two together, after all she had never had sex before Link, so it wasn't something that she had thought about, but her mother had figured it out. Her mother, the one that she had promised that she would never, ever have sex before marriage, and yet here she was. 

Would he want the baby? Would it matter? Would he just leave? She was so scared that the life that was growing inside her would change so many things. She pulled her jacket closer around her as she tried to pull herself together, she was due on New Year's Eve. She was scared, but she knew that she wasn't doing it alone. She just had to trust herself. She had to trust that all of it would be okay. 

She didn't hear him come out or up behind her, and the sound of his voice made her jump and she turned around, her hand on her stomach unconsciously. "Sorry the storm has me jumpy."  

So just give it one more try
With a lullaby

OUTFIT

“Iz, do you know where I put my jersey? I think I need to wash it before next weekends game!” Link wasn’t even sure if Izzy could hear him. The roaring rain pounding against the window and the constant boom of thunder was enough to drown out even the loudest of yells in the small Hapless Heights apartment. He didn’t hear her answer and figured she had the telly up a bit too loud and couldn’t hear him with all the hustle and bustle going on around them.

The Bats weren’t doing poorly this season. In fact, they were in the top tier so far. Sixth out of the league, but there was always room for improvement. Especially when Puddlemere was only two slots ahead of them. Week five was where things would get interesting. With the team pitted against the Wimborne Wasps next weekend, they were going to have to fight hard if they wanted to keep their good standing. Link had been working them hard — perhaps harder than he should have been, but it was so easy for him to get caught up in the thrill of the sport. He wanted to win. And maybe a part of that was selfish, but another part of him wanted it for his team…not just for himself.

He pulled out another shirt and found himself staring at the wooden bottom of the drawer. Still no jersey. “Iz?” He asked, moving on to the clothes hamper that was on the other side of the room. Outfits from the last couple of days were wadded on top of one another, but the jersey was no where to be found. How could he have possibly lost it? He thought, trying to remember the after party from the last game. “I came home with it after we hit the nightclub, didn’t I?” Honestly, it felt like he was talking to a ghost. She couldn’t hear him above whatever it was she was doing. Or…maybe she was asleep. Christ, Link thought, dragging his hand down his face. If she was asleep, he was going to feel like a total ass hat.

Shaking his head, he gave up on the search until he could talk to her and walked into the front room. She was standing near the window, watching the rain fall down and presumably listening to the thunder that nearly shook the walls of the apartment. That explains it, he thought with a smile. She looked troubled, but beautiful nonetheless. Sometimes, he wondered if he deserved someone so…pure. He wasn’t a good guy. Or…he hadn’t been. He was trying now. And that seemed to be what Izzy liked about him. “You haven’t seen my jersey, have you?” Immediately, Izzy seemed to jump as if she had startled her. “Woah, woah, calm down,” he said, with a grin, moving forward to put his arms around her, giving her sides a gentle squeeze. “You going somewhere?” He asked, noticing her jacket. “The storm’s crazy. Maybe you ought to stay in…” His smirk grew. “You know we could always…” His hands moved to the lapels of her blazer, gently tugging it off of her shoulders.

How had this happened? Well, she knew what had gotten them there, she even remembered that night clearly in her mind and they had been careless since then too. What were they doing? She was questioning so many things in that moment and she felt sick, she felt crazy and so full of panic. She was scared, she didn’t know what would happen, and she just wanted to cry. That was a lot of what she had been doing when he wasn’t around and she wasn’t at work. She didn’t want to lose him, but she knew that he would leave sooner or later. Her father and step-father both had. All men left eventually in her experience.

She was cold, she had been cold for days, but the healer had told her that was somewhat normal and could be blamed on the stress that she was under with how much she worked. She had to pull back and not work so much, she had to take it easy and she wasn’t sure that she knew how to do that, but she had someone else to think of now. She had to think of someone else, her baby. The thought alone made her eyes water, but Link was hugging her by then. ”I’m just chilly, babe.” She said sweetly and let him take it off before putting her arms around his neck and kissed him softly, before using her small fingers to wipe away the lipstick that it left.

”I thought we could go out for dinner tonight, but then it started raining….. I needed to talk to you about something…. Oh, and your Jersey is on your bag in the kitchen. I put it there after I folded it.” She said with a small smile and kissed him again. It was the start of the season, he wasn’t around as much as she would like, and they were both busy but they made it work, and she knew how easy it would be for him to just get busier, to have practice, then team meetings and other things to do. She could fade into the distance of his life with her baby and he could not even bat an eye. She was scared to think about it, she was nauseous and worried that she would throw up on him when she was telling him.

Letting go of him she moved to the couch and patted the seat next to her.

Link wasn’t sure what to think of Coffee Shop Girl when he had first met her. What had initially been a chance encounter had led to them talking for more than three hours together that day, which had led to another date, which had led to another… Before long, Izzy was all Link could think about. She was sweet, kind, angelic. She was everything that he wasn’t. And in all honesty, she was the antithesis of what he had thought he had wanted. All his life, he had gone after the bad girl — the ones that were always in the same boat as him — but now, he didn’t want to lose the one girl who had changed all of that. It was the first real relationship he had been able to withstand since he had been kicked off of the team — the first real one since his injury and since Zoë. Izzy was a lot of firsts.

She was the first girl he had actually considered a girlfriend in a long time. She was the first girl he had considered calling back after their first date. And...perhaps even more surprisingly, she was the first girl he had considered moving in with. It didn't seem to fast...it seemed right.

As he pulled her closer, he inhaled the scent of her hair. The familiar fragrance of shampoo and the perfume she used. He smiled even more, raising one eyebrow when she let him finish taking off her jacket. “Chilly, huh?” He asked, pulling away from her slightly and then planting a gentle kiss on her lips. “I’ll turn up the heat.”

Dinner sounded good, he thought as his stomach gave a grumble. “Maybe we can order in a pizza. I heard the place on the corner is decent.” He was already in the kitchen, thumbing the thermostat up a few degrees and grabbing his jersey. It smelled clean — like the detergent Izzy used. She was always looking out for him. The last few weeks had been stressful, what with the season picking back up again. Link was more often than not out on the pitch with the team, making sure that everything was going smoothly. There wasn’t a lot of time for romance or dates. Not as much as he would have liked anyways. Pizza and a movie snuggled up on the couch might not be such a bad idea, after all.

Throwing his jersey over his shoulder, he grabbed his cell and moved back to the couch, taking the seat next to her and searching his contacts for the pizza parlor. “What are you thinking, pepperoni? Cheese? Olives?” He paused, rewinding mentally the conversation that they had been having a few moments before. “You needed to talk to me about something. Shit, sorry Iz, my minds a million different places.” But right now was supposed to be about them. It was supposed to be date night. Link needed to focus. “Pizza can wait. What’s up?”

She was floating on air, she had been for the two months since she had started dating Link. Of course it was a secret from her mother, because she knew that Isolde Macmillan would not be happy when she found out. They had been in their own perfect little bubble until they had messed up, until they had gotten impatient and the charm had been forgotten. The next morning she had made breakfast for the and they had gone for a shower after they ate. She had a good time with him and he made her laugh, he made her smile. He wasn’t like her at all, he was wild and dark. A real bad boy and yet she liked that about him. He was a little older than she was but neither of them really cared all that much. Neither of them spent all that much time in relationships and they were hesitant to name this, but she knew that she cared about him; if she was honest she would say that she was nuts about him.

She watched as he went into the kitchen and she sat with her hands folded in her lap patiently waiting for him. She knew that he got distracted sometimes and honestly she didn’t blame him, since she did the same thing from time to time. If he got fully distracted she would follow him and bring him back, like she usually did, but it didn’t take him too long to come back and sit down. Taking his phone from him she sat it on the table and moved into his arms before situating herself so her legs were over his in the way that they both liked to sit.

Sh paid her head on his shoulder for a long moment and thought about the best way to say it. She knew that he had heard her getting sick more than once recently and the almost constant napping into her work when he came over. He probably thought it was cute but he had no idea the cause. She didn’t want him to think that she was sick or something. Running her small fingers in between his she smiled up at him and took in a long breath before sighing.

”I-I.” How was she supposed to say this?! God why was this so fucking hard! ”I know that we aren’t really to the part about talking about a family. What we want, what we would do, or how we would plan. I’ve not met yours and I just told my Mum about you like two weeks ago. However.” She licked her lips. ”We have reached a fork in which we need to talk about all of that, and other plans for the future. “ He was going to thinks she was crazy for the way that she was going on, so she looked up at him with her large brown eyes and tears filled the. ”Link…. We’re gonna have a baby.”

It was always comforting when they sat like this. Something about feeling like he was home.

For a second, his mind was wandering. He remembered a few weeks ago…he remembered Zoë. He remembered….well, he didn’t want to know what he didn’t remember. The night was a blur after they had left for her place. But surely nothing had happened, right? At least, that was what he had told Izzy when the picture of the pair of them had surfaced in Witch Weekly. The reporter had tried to spin it like they were old lovers reconnecting, but he knew the truth: they were nothing more than old flames, now. There was no kindling left. Not when all of the kindling was here with Izzy. Still, Link felt guilty.

He shook his head, pulling his girlfriend closer and tried to banish the thoughts from existence. He really needed to work on living in the here and now instead of dwelling about what did — or didn’t — happen. “You?” Link prompted as she started and stopped herself. Almost immediately, he laughed. She was always so funny when she got flustered. Link realized that she was trying to be serious and immediately pulled himself together, trying to stop the bemused smile on his lips (but it was so damn hard to when he looked at her).

He felt his body still as she continued. Her words sinking in.

He was confused and rightly so. Maybe she was talking about pets…didn’t some people refer to their pets as ‘babies’? Surely she wasn’t…pregnant…? That was impossible, wasn’t it? Utterly, entirely impossible. He felt more like he was trying to convince himself than he was making a statement. Stay calm, he reminded himself. They would get to the bottom of this. “Do…you want to get a dog? Is that what you mean?”

She looked like she was about to cry. Large puppy dog eyes looked up at him from the couch and Link immediately placed a light kiss on her forehead before he drew back. “Iz, if you wanted to get a dog together, that’s all you had to say. It’s not a big deal.” He used his thumb to gently wipe away one of the tears that had escaped from the corner of her eye. “Plus, I’m sure a dog would love to come to the pitch, so I could look after him while you’re working your long hours. And we can take the dog and meet my family. How's that sound?”

Speak to me

tag: @lincoln // words: 441 // notes: ---

She had promised her mother that this wouldn’t happen, that she would never find herself in this position, and yet here she sat. Pregnant with her boyfriends baby, and while she was happy she was still so scared and unsure of what was going to happen now. She knew that she was almost through the dangerous time frame and that she could tell people that needed to know, but it still scared her. She could still lose the baby, so much could still go wrong. She took in a long breath and just tried to remain calm as she looked at her boyfriends handsome face.

He asked her if she wanted to get a dog and she couldn’t help but to laugh before climbing into his lap and putting her arms around his neck. She loved him, and she knew that she did, even if she couldn’t admit it to herself, even if the words were hard as hell to say sometimes. He was a good man, and he made mistakes, but he was trying to put his past behind him and she couldn’t fault him for it. Thunder rumbled outside and she looked out the windows before pressing a long lingering kiss to his lips and put his hand on her stomach, where her small bump was starting to form, where her belly was already firm and looked into those beautiful, perfect eyes.

”Damn it, Lincoln.” She said before laughing and pressing her head to his shoulder for a moment she lifted her head. ”I’m pregnant, though I don’t have an issue with a dog of some kind if you want one, but we will be expecting a son, or a daughter come the new year. Quite literally” She had been to the healer already, she had her due date, and she was scared as shit. He made her feel so good made her feel loved, and it was so amazing. He was her first in so many ways. She had a knee on either side of his lap and looked down at him, loving how close they were.

”We’re going to be a family!” She said with a small grin. She was scared, yes but she was also happy. A part of her saw it as a sign that she didn’t have to feel bad about breaking her promise, that Link was not the guy that so many had said that he was.

She loved him, she was having his baby, that was all she knew and all that she needed was for him to say that he wanted this too.

template by eliza @ TB & THQ

so just give
it one more
try with a
lullaby

❧

She kissed him — the long kind where he thought that he would never need air. No, there was no use for it when he had Izzy in his arms. Who needed air anyway? And then, it was over. She was looking up at him with this wide, doe-eyed stare that made him smile. “Don’t laugh, dogs are serious business, mate,” he said, nuzzling his nose into her hair. She smelled like lavender and her shampoo. It was a scent that he’d become familiar with. Link held her even closer when she was on his lap. Having her there was like having his own little piece of heaven. Over the past few months, Izzy had turned his world upside-down. He wasn’t the same guy that he had been when he’d met Zoë.

At least, he hoped he wasn’t.

His actions of a few weeks ago weighed heavily on him. The more he tried to forget about it — the more he tried to just focus on Izzy — the more he wondered if he would be able to live with himself if he didn’t tell her what happened. But at the same time, he didn’t want to risk losing her. Izzy was good, she was pure, she was sweet. She was so different that Zoë. Zoë he knew how to handle, but he’d never dated a girl like Iz. That was what made this all so difficult. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he should just tell her. After all, it would be better

Izzy pressed her head into his shoulder. “Alright, alright, sorry. Don’t laugh yourself to death,” his hand on her stomach. What was she talking about?

And then, his stomach dropped out.

Pregnant.
Pregnant?
Pregnant?!

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. Link wasn’t even sure that he was breathing at that precise moment in time. Pregnant? How could she possibly be pregnant? They’d only...well, you know once!

Once was apparently enough, he was quick to remind himself.

And there she was, staring at him with all this expectation in her eyes and Link felt like he was going to throw up.

“Izzy…” Oh god, what was he going to say to this woman? Did he even want a family? Link wasn’t sure. He wasn’t dad material. Hell, he wasn’t even sure that he wanted to be a dad. And now Izzy was telling him that she was going to have a baby. His baby. “That’s great.” Oh god, he didn’t sound excited.

“This is great news,” he was smiling, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Merlin’s Beard, he had to tell her. And he had to tell her now. Before this went any further. “But Izzy you should know that…I…” He couldn’t find the words. He couldn’t quite find anything. Link squeezed his eyes closed. Maybe it would be easier if he didn’t have to see her face. “I slept with Zoë. That night when the paparazzi caught us leaving I told you nothing happened. But I…” But he made a vital mistake and opened them right then, just long enough to see her expression fall. “I’m so sorry, Izzy. It was a mistake and I should’ve told you sooner, but it doesn’t matter now.” He sounded like he was fumbling. “All that matters is me and you and…” God he couldn’t say baby. Why was it so much easier to say dog?!

@izzy

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It wasn’t as if meeting Link and feeling something for him had been a part of the plan. Love was not something that she had planned for another five years. She had so many things that she wanted to do before then, so many things that she needed to do before then. She needed to finish her other book, she needed to finish her studies and maybe start teaching at Lufkin, tour the world, spend a month with her mother in whatever country that she wanted. Things had gotten a little topsy turvey though. They weren’t going according to her plan and it wasn’t right! She wasn’t ready, but it was happening nonetheless. She wanted this, she wanted him, their baby. It was right, it was perfect and she had fallen for him. She had fallen for quidditch. She wanted to know more about him, about his life about his people, and where he wanted to go in his life.

She was learning so much, and she was so happy, so this felt right. Even though it was sudden, even though it wasn’t planned, she knew it. She moved her hands up to link behind his neck as she looked into the perfect eyes and smiled down at him before pressing a long soft kiss to his lips. They were going to have a baby and she knew she was glowing in that perfect little pregnant bubble that she had been floating around in for a few weeks.

She furrowed her brows for a moment and shook her head. She had expected him to be in shock, but something felt wrong. He wasn’t happy… oh gods. He didn’t want it. You’re an idiot Izzy. She thought as she climbed off his lap and moved to sit beside him with her face in her hands when he began to speak. She turned her head, hopeful expression before he said it and her heart dropped. She looked at his face and stood slowly. She almost questioned him, but the only thing that she could bring herself to say was.”Gods, damn it, Lincoln.”

She had no idea what she was doing, but before she realized it, her hand came up and she slapped him, hard enough to make her hand sting. She had never struck anyone in her life and she wasn’t going to do it again, but it was all that she could bring herself to do as she ran towards her bedroom tears running down her face.

words:426

SO JUST GIVE
IT ONE MORE
TRY WITH A
LULLABY

❧

Link hadn’t really been looking for anything when he’d met his coffee shop girl. In fact, a notorious playboy from years passed, Link wasn’t sure that he would ever find love. That being said, he could say without a doubt that he was in love with Izzy, now. He could say that he would do anything for her – would be anything. Even if that meant being a father. What he had to contend with now were his own actions. Would Izzy be able to forgive him for what he had done? Would she be able to see past all of it? He knew that he had made a mistake. Sleeping with Zoë had been the worst possible thing that he could have done. But he was drunk and she was there. And there was so much damn history. How could he make her understand that?

Truth be told, he couldn’t.

She crawled away from him, burying her head in her hands but not before Link could see the flicker ore realization. He watched as it appeared that Izzy’s heart shattered right there in front of him. He knew that his words were hurtful – he knew that they were painful – but Link also knew that he wouldn’t be able to continue if he hadn’t said them. He needed Izzy to know what had happened.

She was standing now and he could see the anger growing. He didn’t have a proper explanation for what he had done, and it probably would have been better if he had just stayed quiet, but at that moment Link only wanted to tell her that it was a mistake. He wanted to tell her that she was the only thing that mattered. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what came out of his mouth. “I..we were so drunk and I…” He what? He thought it was a good idea to sleep with someone that had been his girlfriend years ago? If that wasn’t a slap in the face, Link wasn’t sure what was.

And then she slapped him. His hand reached up and touched his cheek where the skin had already started to prickle and heat up. It wasn’t the first time that he had been slapped in the face. In fact, it was far from the first. Years ago, before he had changed his ways, Link had gotten himself into a ton of precarious situations that warranted a good slap across the face. This was definitely up there in the “worthiness” category, he thought grimly. He had royally fucked up. Sleeping with someone that wasn’t Izzy was mistake number one, mistake one point five was making it Zoë…his ex-flame. He deserved that. He definitely deserved that.

“Izzy,” he walked after her, his head spinning and his heart beating in his chest. He wasn’t even sure he knew what he was going to say to her when he finally caught up. He wasn’t sure that there was anything that she wanted to hear. “Izzy, please, let me explain,” Link said when he reached the bedroom. He looked at her, his eyes wide and pleading, hoping that he could get through to her.

@ izzy | 523

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