And my mind is so abusive from taking on the shapes
When it comes to your love, is it unconditional?
When it comes to my love, anything is fixable

@fernando - outfit

Time passed and every day the white rooms of the department of regulation and control faded further from his conscience. It had taken a while, really. Not that it had been as bad as living in Kolna and the forced labour every day. In fact, it had been far better. Clean and warm, there had been music and books and puzzles. He'd learned to cook, with all the time and the cookbooks he'd had. He'd gotten new clothing, he'd gotten playing cards and anything he asked for, really. Lord Parkinson was kind to him like that, and it wasn't his fault that it had still been awful. It wasn't like he'd suffered, of course not. Jason was just used to... to being outside, to having company, to loud places. The other werewolves had stayed in their rooms alone and he didn't know how they'd done it. He put on music to mask the silence, he read aloud, he drew on the walls to mask the blinding whiteness of it all. Being stuck in there, though, it made him more than a little stir crazy. Lord Parkinson had noticed, obviously, and had promised to get him out. Whatever the outcome, Jason had been very thankful for the attempt. He didn't want to seem ungrateful, because he was forever thankful for Lord Parkinson's treatment of him. Some would say that he ought to hate the man just like he hated all Death Eaters. For what they did to him. To his sister. To all his muggleborn friends. He didn't, though, because Lord Parkinson was kind to him. Maybe he wouldn't be so kind if Jason hadn't been bitten, but he knew that he wouldn't be cruel. Lord Parkinson wasn't like that, and what might have been didn't matter. Lord Parkinson was good to him, that was all that mattered.

Living at El Aleph was very different from everything he'd experienced in his life so far. Going from an apartment crowded with so many kids to a large mansion was strange. There had been many steps in the way, but he preferred to ignore them. He liked his rooms, though. He kept the windows constantly open, so he had a lovely view of the gardens. His bed was large and soft. He had his own bookshelves and his own desk and a large bathroom with soft soaps that smelled warm and were nice on his skin. Lord Parkinson gave him clothing, he got to keep all the books from before, and now he even had a new broom. He used it to fly around on the grounds, to take in the fresh air. There was also a house elf, Leela, but Jason preferred to cook for himself. He liked helping her, she was fun to be around. There was also Juan, who sort of lived here. He thought. He was here a lot, which was nice because Jason liked him. There was also Lord Parkinson's other two cousins, who he had seen in passing and... well, they intimidated him so he tried to avoid them when they were here. Leela did him the favour of telling him when they were home so he either left or went to his rooms. They just made him uncomfortable. He could always go visit his mother and younger siblings. Dea could be brought over by her... boss? He was Lord Parkinson's friend. Maybe. Cassie also came over, she was friends with Juan. It had been a strange coincidence, but nice enough.

Lord Parkinson himself he didn't see so often. Sometimes he did. For dinner or in the afternoons. He was nice, Jason liked him. He also liked Lord Parkinson's boyfriend, Cassian. A werewolf, who'd taken to teaching Jason about his nature. He was kind and comforting. Apparently he'd also taken Juan under his wing. Then there was also Niles, and apparently Teddy was also there. He'd found Teddy to talk to him, gotten over his nerves and actually found him. That had been nice. Jason had been surprised that Teddy remembered his name actually. Life was better now. It really was. Even if he couldn't go back to Hogwarts, he was still being tutored here and he studied by himself. Like now, at his desk in his room. It was a nice day outside, but he had an essay to finish.

Life was...strange. In a good way, of course, more than good. It was perfect now, in several ways, with only the occasional hiccups that were either being dealt with or would in short order. But this life wasn't one Fer ever thought he would live even in his deepest, most secret of dreams. Those wishes, kept locked under his flirty, careless extravagance had been revealed only to a few people over the years and it had been received with varying reactions ranging from pity to mockery. It had never bothered him- he'd never let it bother him because, well...it wasn't like he'd expected them to actually become true. Fernando had known them to be nothing but wishful thinking unworthy of a man of his name and station and that he should've purged these wishes and desires from his mind the moment they cropped up, before they could take root like they'd done. It had been his particular brand of torture, carefully unlocking those titbits and revising them, wishing and hoping and imagining. He'd usually done it whilst alone, at night and after a particularly bad encounter. Nothing made you more in the mood for self-flagellation than another empty, painful night of meaningless sex with a stranger that made you feel like shit. It'd felt like a perfect way to end it all, really, with a little more self-inflicted pain - after all, he'd been the one to keep doing that to himself, both things.

Now, though, he had Cassian. Cassian, who loved him and hadn't left and basically lived in El Aleph apart from the occasional nights he left to spend with his pups. That man- he couldn't be real, Fer was sure of it. He hadn't left, loved Fer and wanted him. Not physically - that too, but surprisingly it wasn't the most important. No, he wanted a life with Fer. The wild sex, yes, but the quiet evenings too. He liked laughing at Fernando's clumsy attempts in the kitchen, liked watching him in the greenhouses and joining in - Cass was a lot better at herbology than Fer would ever be - and seemed to be content with the quiet evenings in front of the fire in their living room. With holding Fer and talking about the future. It was- it was such a novel. Better than anything else he's ever thought. And he was happy, truly happy for maybe the first time in his life. All the things that could have detracted from that were either solved or on the way to be so. The first was Juan, of course, who apparently knew Cass from before and was on his way to mending - despite his nasty habit of smoking like the world was ending. His lover was good for the boy, so patient and fatherly and it made Fernando ache in ways he thought he'd got over years ago. He'd be- he was an awesome father and Fernando thought himself so, so fortunate to be able to be part of it, even if only on the fringes. Because he had no delusions about the fact that he couldn't less ill-suited for being anyone's parent, with all of his baggage and the being a Death Eater thing and the being him thing. Cassian was a natural and Fer- he watched and wanted but never said anything.

And then...there was Jason. From the moment the boy had been dragged to the Department along with the other mudblood werewolves, Fernando knew he had to get him out. He was a child, for fuck's sake, and even before knowing what had happened to Cass, Fer could never have condoned child mistreatment in such a way. He'd held his piece when the Minister had sent fucking school children to work like there were nothing - mudbloods that they might have been - but that didn't mean that he hadn't seethed at it and given Theo hell for accepting an underage girl as his maid - and, as it happened, Jason's sister. Now that didn't happen anymore, thankfully, but Jason wouldn't have been affected by Lady Lestrange's good mood. No, he'd have been kept and caged like an animal- the promise he'd made to her in exchange for the end on werewolf experimentation - even mudbloods, yes, he was of the opinion that blood status didn't matter after lycanthropy - was a heavy one, had cost him more than just gold, but he'd been able to do something. It was almost nothing, he was aware. He should have done more, he knew that too.

But watching from the doorway as Jason scribbled something on a piece of parchment, not a care in the world and far from that scared and lonely boy locked in one of the white rooms of his Department, Fernando thought that he'd have paid the price as many times as he had to. For this. He wasn't father material, not even close, and Jason deserved someone good like Cass instead of a horrible wreck like Fer but- he would do his best to make sure the boy would want for nothing. Even if it wasn't his place, even if he didn't deserve the look of gratitude Jason always got when Fer gave him normal things such as books and one of those fancy trainers young wizards all wanted. "A day like this and you're inside. My, Jason, are you sick?" Fer teased, after knocking on the doorframe but not stepping inside. This was Jason's room and he was entitled to his privacy and personal space. It was strange that he was inside, really. Jason was loath to be inside whenever he could be out in the sun and Fer didn't know whether that was a product of his time in the cells or if he'd always been like that. He'd like to find out, he realised. He'd like to know more about this boy other than what he read in a piece of paper that felt more like a report on a soulless being than information about a child.

tags: @ jason

outfit

Oh, if boys don't cry, not a man am I

template by Punki of Adoxography

@ fer - outfit

    Back before the Death Eaters had taken over the Ministry, he'd had his life sort of planned out. The basics at least. He'd grown up in a cramped apartment with his single mother doing her best to look after and provide for five children. Needless to say, they'd rarely gotten new shoes and doing sports in teams like other kids usually did was a luxury they couldn't have. It wasn't his mother's fault, she did her best and they'd all mostly been accidents. Either that or the men in her life had ended up disappointing her after she'd trusted them with her family. When Cassie and Dea got old enough, they started helping out. Looking after the younger ones and all that, though really there hadn't been anything 'old enough' about them to anyone looking from the outside. Barely twelve wasn't old enough and he might have been several years younger than them but he knew limits when he saw them. They'd not let him help out with anything, not until he grew up some more, but that didn't mean that he hadn't seen what was going on. He'd seen the need and he'd seen why and he'd decided that when he grew up, his family wouldn't go through anything like it. If he had kids he would make sure they had everything they needed, he would make sure to be there for them, he would do everything in his power to be a good dad. He wouldn't abandon his children, unlike the others' fathers had done, and he would go to college and get a degree so he could get a good job and provide for them. Unlike his own mother. He didn't know what exactly he was going to study, but he knew he had to.
    Jason's family wouldn't be able to afford the tuition for a college, so he had to study hard to get a scholarship. Clearly, he hadn't been smart enough to end up in Ravenclaw and he knew that he wasn't the smartest cookie in the jar, but he did his very best. Tried to, at least, when he wasn't being distracted by Dev or Octi or any of the Gryffindor girls. Now... he didn't know why he was still studying, it wasn't as if he was going to get a school degree, even. He couldn't go to college either. He was muggleborn, so even if werewolves could attend without it being known that they were, he couldn't because of his blood status. There was no reason for him to prioritise his studies all that much, especially if he had other things he would rather be doing. Like being outside. What good would studying magic do him now anyway? His wand didn't even work properly. Still, he had tutors over sometimes and they did their best to teach him. Lord Parkinson had gone out of his way to get him teachers that would give him the same quality of education that Hogwarts would have. It would be thankless and rude not to make the most of it. So this essay may not be urgent, but he was clearheaded and not in pain now. It was best to get work done so he didn't have to do anything when the moon was close. That would be better, it was still hard to focus on anything on those days of the month. Cass said it would pass, he couldn't see the day, really.
    A knock on the door startled him from his thoughts and he looked aside, only to see Lord Parkinson standing at the entrance to his room. Jason smiled, putting his quill in the ink well and turning to him. "No, no-" he laughed lightly and got up. "Just finishing a Care of Magical Creatures essay I was assigned." It was strange that Lord Parkinson didn't come in, but he'd noticed that he wouldn't unless he was invited inside. He thought that was nice of him. Allowing him his space. Really, Jason didn't own anything anymore, but it was nice that Lord Parkinson made the effort. "Please, come in, my Lord. I'm... uhm... It's not very tidy, I'm afraid..." He looked around the room. Full of books and clothes and other objects. He'd told Leela he preferred to clean his stuff up himself, but maybe he should let her tidy up sometimes. Was he supposed to offer tea? It was Lord Parkinson's house and Lord Parkinson's house elf. That would be silly. "How is everything?" 
   

He had...plans. Fernando had made plans, now that he could do them, and they were even decent ones. For such a long time, planning for the future had been something he'd avoided to do other than don't die, try not to thoroughly embarrass mother and father, do something about what you believe in. Nothing personal, no goals or wishes for himself other than maybe a weekend or two of not doing anything in Mexico with the handsome pool boys that his family employed. No grand aspiration, no, but it had been the only safe thing to desire, to want. Fernando had always sucked at playing it safe but after getting himself in far too many deep ends because he'd never learnt how not to hope, things had changed a bit. He'd got better at suppressing and not wishing for things that would never be his to have and it had been...okay. In a way. Wishing for things for himself would end in heartbreak more often than not and there was only so much that a person could take before they broke for real. And, well- Fer had never fancied himself particularly sturdy emotionally. Good looking and rakishly charming, yes. But made of goddamn crystal when you delved into the emotional side.

Everything changed, though, and somehow making plans became part of his routine now. He had to do so for his daring escapades with Cass, figure out the logistics of not-raising two teenagers, juggle his time at work with his own personal projects. Hell, he'd even finally broken and handed over estate management to people that knew what they were doing. One less thing on his plate, more time that he had for his family. It was freeing and he felt giddy. Like an idiot. Because he was one, of course. And going from never wanting anything for himself and making all the plans had been surprisingly easy. Fer even thought that he was quite good at this. Next on the list was manipulate Cass into finally giving in and quitting the jobs that clearly harmed him deeply. Fernando...still didn't know how the fuck he was going to accomplish that but his spectacularly skills in bed and the pups', ah, puppy eyes might be involved. He'd figure it out, really, and he was sure that he wouldn't be alone in trying to make his partner change his mind about what he did. Cassian had started talking about convincing that brat Niles to go to university, after all - which had prompted Fer to have a chat with Nora -, and that meant that something had changed. Logic dictated that it could change for Cass too, if it changed for everyone else. Fer just needed to make him see it. He had it in the bag. Maybe.

But all that talk about university and studies had brought Fer to think of his and Cass' not adopted werewolf not child. Jason was- he deserved better than the shitty hand he was dealt. And if it was within Fer's power to give him everything he deserved, then he would. Not for himself, not for Cass. For Jason. Because he was a person with thoughts and dreams and aspirations of his own. And, in the spirit of making plans, that had given him an idea that wouldn't leave. The lad couldn't go to school, not with how tight things were right now and his blood status counting against him. But Hogwarts wasn't the only option. He was already being homeschooled, after all, and there were other steps that could be taken. That he would take. First of which was- Fernando wasn't going to ask for permission for that but it would take a bit of planning and deceit to get it done. "Is it due for tomorrow? I thought you had the day off to...do whatever it is that you and Cass and Juan do in your boys' day out." Brightening at the offer, Fer stepped inside carefully. The room was in the family wing, airy and big enough to hold everything and then some more. Likely bigger than the place Jason had grown up in. But it looked comfortable and lived in, like the boy was getting used to being here. As if he liked being here. "It's Fernando, Jason. Remember? You should have seen my dorm room in school, honestly. This is positively sparkling. Besides, don't tell anyone that but Pansy is awful at picking up after herself. I don't know where we'd be without elves." His sister had got better after she'd returned from Italy and started living in the Alley with them but it was too depressive a topic to worry about now.

Taking a seat in one of the stuffed chairs in the room, he shrugged. Things weren't perfect, far from it, but his idyllic home life made up for all of it. So much that Fer was far from worried. "Nothing special, really. Cassian is planning something for dinner tonight and he refuses to tell me. I'll die of curiosity, at this rate. You? Is there anything you need?"

tags: @ Jason

outfit

words: 849

Oh, if boys don't cry, not a man am I

template by Punki of Adoxography

@ fer - outfit

    Jason was happy, and wasn't that something he never thought he'd feel after being taken out of Hogwarts? The moment in which the Death Eaters took him and his sister away from the magical school had felt like a door closing behind them. Locking them out of the wonderful world they'd been allowed into and locking them in a cage full of people that looked down on them and made them work until their hands bled. It had felt like a new chapter, but a new chapter in a completely different book. Unpleasant was one way to put it, but he would've called it terrifying. After that, it seemed like everything would be endless working, endless kneeling, endless fear for what could be done to him at the drop of a hat. Then everything changed, but not in a good way. It wasn't a vertical change, it was just horizontal. He was locked away again and yes, there might be less forced labour involved, but there was also less fresh air. The rooms in which he'd been had been clean and warm, he had gotten food and books and anything he wanted to occupy himself with. A gilded cage was, however, still a cage. It had been maddening and things had not been better than before, no matter what some people might think. But then real change happened and now he was happy. He honestly was, and wasn't it a silly thing to say? He was still a muggleborn -a mudblood- and his sister was still working for a pureblood Lord, he still couldn't go back to Hogwarts, and he still didn't have a decent wand. But yes, he was happy.
    He had his own space, he was free to study, to go out, to fly, to visit his mother and siblings, to go see Dea at her job. Of course, he couldn't live with his family, he had to live here with Lord Parkinson so he could be kept an eye on. Also, he was a werewolf now and that was... something different about him. Sometimes he wished that he hadn't told Dea about it, since it felt very personal and as if he had only told her out of obligation. Sometimes he wished he could take those words back, but what was done was done. In any case, he didn't actually mind being a werewolf. Sure, it would limit the jobs he would be able to get in the future, but being a muggleborn already did that. Yes, he went through a painful transformation once a month, going through days and days of strain before it even happened, but it wasn't so very bad. It wasn't the end of the world and Cassian was teaching him how to handle everything. How to live with it and not despite it. That was a good way of putting it, yes. There was nothing wrong with him and he didn't mind being what he was. A lot of people probably did, and he thought that if it stopped him from doing what he wanted to do, he would also mind it. But his blood status had already taken that from him and Lord Parkinson said that werewolves technically could go to college if they weren't found out. In that way, he lost more by being a muggleborn than by being a werewolf. The combination of the two had only served to get him out of that place, so he really thought it was a good thing.
    "Oh, uhm, no- I just though that since the class is still fresh in my head, it would just be easier to do it now." Jason smiled sheepishly up at Lord Parkinson, watching him come inside. He was in the family wing of the estate, Lord Parkinson and his boyfriend's room was just a few doors down. So was Juan's, if he ever stayed over. It was nice, it was like becoming part of the family. He knew they were looking out for him like family would and that was a good thing. It felt nice. "Right, Fernando, yes." He nods to himself, because it's hard to call Lo- Fernando by his name, even in his head. It's no sign of distance, just... politeness? "I'm not used to the space, so I kind of lose track of the mess I make. I grew up with five siblings." Jason rubbed the back of his head, still smiling. Of course, Fernando probably already knew this, but it wasn't something Jason had shared himself. It's nothing he minds talking about- he likes talking about his muggle family. 
    He let out a laugh at the mention of a surprise dinner, because that did sound like the older werewolf, yes. It sounded great, he always did love learning new recipes. Maybe once he finished the essay he would be able to convince Cass to let him help out with the cooking. "Me? Not really- this is already so much more than I imagined." He smiled brightly and sat down beside Fernando. "Thank you for everything you've done, I don't know what else I could possibly need."

[googlefont="Wire One"]

Boys Will Be Boys

I'm no longer taking lessons from those who broke before
Now that I am done confessing, the words have left me sore

Fer wondered, sometimes, if it wasn't horribly selfish of him to keep Jason here. The Lady Lestrange had better things to worry about than the location of the mudblood werewolf Fer had bargained a lot of leverage to get out of the labs for. He could have sent Jason home, to his family, to live a happy life. Or, rather, he could've sent him to Mexico where he wouldn't have had to keep to the grounds of the house of a man he was forced to like for his own safety. But he was selfish- he'd never pretended otherwise but this is the first time he'd actually felt bad about it. Like a horrible person, taking advantage of a horrible situation and having the gal to pretend that it was fine. Jason was here out of necessity, Fernando was little more than his jailer and the lad wouldn't have been here if he didn't have to. They weren't- for all that he liked to talk about him and Juan being his and Cassian's boys, it wasn't true. Cassian's, for sure, because if there was anyone deserving of the place it was his lover. Fer was...there. And of course he liked to pretend he was part of it but he wasn't, not truly.

And Jason was so kind about it, too. Always thanking him for things and acting as if it wasn't anything but his due, to make up for...everything. He might just genuinely like Fer too, which was a novelty and not something he thought he deserved. All the deference he treated Fernando with, it had ceased to be fear but he couldn't shake the thought that Jason was still afraid this would be taken from him, that he had to treat Fer the way he did for the sake of his own life. In a normal day, Cassian would roll his eyes at him fondly and reassure him that it was just...old issues acting up. And it might as well just be, since it wasn't an everyday thing. It just cropped up sometimes and left him feeling...off. It wasn't a pleasant feeling and he made sure to keep it down in front of Jason- who'd think he'd done something wrong and blame himself. He'd talk to Cass, later, because his lover always knew what to say to get Fer's head from the horrible places it got stuck sometimes. For now, he'd wanted to check up on the lad and make sure he was alright. For someone who liked outdoors so much, it was rather strange that Jason would be inside in a day like this. But he was also a dedicated pupil so Fernando wasn't surprised it was school work keeping him inside.

"Fair enough. Don't take any advice from me where it comes to schooling, you know. I was a terrible student," Fer said, rather dramatically, even though it was the truth. He'd hardly ever thought about his work until the day before it was due and always preferred to have...fun, instead of studying. Those had been some interesting years, after all, and he hadn't wanted to miss a single moment. It feels...all rather empty now, to him. Fake. But maybe that was what a healthy relationship and having a functioning - if slightly damaged - mental state did to you. "At least you have an excuse. I never did, you know," he's slightly uncomfortable talking about Jason's family but he didn't let it show. After all, the lad was opening up and that made Fer happy. Giddy, even, because he's an idiot. "I know...two of them? Medea and Juan's friend, Cassandra. Speaking of them, are they well?"

Fer crossed his legs, leaning back on his chair. It seemed as if the very mention of Cassian could brighten people up. Fer could sympathise. "You know, the offer includes simple things as help with the homework or an escort to go somewhere too, Jason," he pointed out, gently, knowing that he probably felt very overwhelmed about everything. Fer- showing affection, to him, was to shower people with gifts and throw himself at their feet. He was getting better at it but he also couldn't resist the urge to spoil Jason sometimes. It was a character flaw. "Don't thank me for it, Jason, please. I wish I could do more but-" he cut himself off with a frustrated noise.

@ son ⁂ outfit ⁂ 727 ⁂ notes