Olivia's Outfit

Tag: @donna

everyday is a winding road

It was raining. It had been storming for the better part of the day, and Olivia thought that she rather liked summer storms. It was blowing in and out, and the rain was cold. It woke her up. Olivia knew that tired was pretty much a constant state of being for her these days, but it wouldn't last forever. Eventually she would be tired for a different reason. She would be tired because their daughter would be crying in the middle of the night, and she would be getting up with the baby, and making sure that she was okay. But they were a long way off from that. It didn't do her any good to think about just when the baby was going to be here, but she would come when she came, and there was nothing that she could do about it. Whatever it was that she was dealing with... She would deal with it when it came along. There was nothing else that she could do. There was nothing else that was going to make this easier on her. And she knew that Beckett wasn't... Well... He wasn't okay with this yet. And she didn't know if he was going to be.  That was the hardest part. He had said okay, and neither one of them had known if she was going to even be able to get pregnant, but it had only taken a couple of weeks. And really, she shouldn't have been terribly surprised. She had missed one potion and they had ended up with Anderson. It had taken longer than that this time, but she was older now. Not too old for a witch, but plenty old enough. Having a baby had been what had driven Aurora crazy. It was what had caused her to fight with Ares, and then she had left, and she had gotten hit by a bus... And Orion was here, and Aurora was not. And Olivia missed her. She liked Issa. She really did, she thought that she was lovely, and she didn't think that there would have been anyone better suited to taking over that position, but she still missed her best friend. She missed her to the point that she hadn't known who to talk to when she had turned up pregnant. When she knew that this was probably a mistake.  She loved this little girl, and there was nothing in the world that she wouldn't do for her. She was her daughter, just as much as Lyla was. A piece of her just as much as her brothers were. But Olivia knew that there was a part of her that wished that she would have gone back. That she would have stopped, and really questioned Beckett finally saying that they could try. She should have. She shouldn't have just accepted him finally giving in... Maybe it was that she had wanted to fill the void she had felt so badly that she had been blinded by it, but she didn't know. There was just something about it that was hard to swallow now. A different sort of void that she couldn't explain. The kind that meant that they weren't the same. And she knew that they were succeeding in keeping the kids from noticing. At least so far, but they hadn't been home all that long. And they weren't... Cold. They weren't unaffectionate or anything, there was just a canyon there now. A space that seemed impossible to cross sometimes. Others... not as much. There were times when it was okay. And there were times when it wasn't, and it was hard. It was hard to navigate.  But she was trying, and he was trying, and they were working on it. For better or worse. She had promised him that, and this was the worse. Olivia had a feeling that this was the worse. And if they could weather this, then they would be okay. Right now she couldn't do anything about it though. Right now she had a meeting with the Headmistress of this particular school. Stepping into the building Olivia flicked her wand and released the spell she had been using as an umbrella before she ran a hand through her strawberry waves, and headed up the stairs towards Lady Parkinson's office. Knocking once on the doorframe she offered a smile to the younger witch with a tip of her chin. "Good afternoon, Headmistress." She had met Lady Parkinson on several occasions, and since she had come to run this place, Olivia had met with her more than once. There were always little legal snafus when it came to starting something new, and the school was no different. Even if today's problem was something as simple as needing her signature on a few documents. Olivia had been headed out of the office anyway, and she had taken them from her staffer, and said she would bring them over herself.

The hardest part of this was mostly over. She had to keep telling herself that, that it would all be over soon and she could try and move on with her life, that she could make things better than they had been. Even if they both hated her. Even if she spent the rest of her life alone, she had her work now. She wasn’t some mooney eyed teenager, or a single mother. Her parents had raised her daughter as her sister. As unorthodox as it was, it happened, though not in pureblood society. The only lie was her parentage, but it was no longer in her control. She had given up her child, Greg’s child to her parents and went on to live her life.

She had known love, or what she thought was love, she had felt that feeling and she had her romance. She had also had her heartbreak and once in her life was enough. For a brief moment in time she thought that she might have loved her husband, that Nick would have made her happy and that happily ever after was around the corner, but then he had started asking questions and put two and two together. He had figured it out and it meant that others would too. Anika had, so she knew that it was best to be as she was, single. Her brothers would pass along the family name, Sienna had married well enough, and it would only be a matter of time before her mother found something for Kalli to do.

She could lead her own life now and that involved her work. Maybe it was why she and Kate were such good friends, they were so different and yet so similar. It was a hard thing to understand, it was a hard thing for her to hold on to, but it was true. They were one and the same. They were strong women, who had loved strong men in their life times and whether or not Draco and Kate were ever a true thing or not didn’t matter. It never would have mattered, but all Donna wanted was to see Kate happy. She felt as if she had missed her own happiness, and if she did it was her own fault for being so selfish.

Looking over reports she tried to make herself comfortable. She felt a little bloated after her large lunch and she could have taken a nap, but she didn’t do that here, not when it could be interrupted. She was a bitch when she was woken up. Pushing hair behind her ears she settled into her chair a little more and kicked off her shoes when someone knocked on the frame and she looked up. ”Miss Graves. Hello,” She pushed her shoes on and stood, adjusting her skirt.

Everyday Is A
Winding Road

Sometimes, Olivia felt like it was storms that they needed to wash everything away again. That they needed storms to clean the slate. To start over, and she thought that they could handle that. That that was something that she could use right about now. A clean slate. They could find a way to start over. Because she needed this to all be okay, before the baby actually got here. Before she was here, and Olivia held her on her chest, she needed everything with Beckett to be okay. And she hoped that it would be. She had to hope that things were going to work themselves out. But she didn’t know. She had no way, of knowing for sure if things were going to be okay or not. If she was going to end up lonely because of this. And she knew that it was her fault. She knew that it was. She was the one that had wanted a baby. She was the one that had begged, and pushed, and she was the one that hadn’t thought twice about the fact that he had finally given in. That he had finally said that yes, they could try. That was all that she had wanted. Just to try. Because it might not have worked at all.

Only it had. Of course, it had. It had never been hard for Olivia to get pregnant. Lyla was evidence of that. Callahan had been only a few months old and she had been pregnant again. That was one situation that Olivia didn’t wish on anyone. Having them back to back like that had been hard. But it had been something that she had done anyway. There was no stopping it once it had happened, and she wouldn’t have traded any of her children for the world. She loved them. All four of them. And she loved their father. Having a baby now had been about more than just having a baby. It had been about them, together, it had been about their lives, and their choices, and it had been about so many things that she didn’t know how to explain. It had been about the fact that she thought that there was something missing. Which wasn’t fair. Because everything that they had was wonderful, and she hadn’t really been sure how to explain that she was happy, and that she loved everything that they had, and then turn around and say that there was a hole. That there was something she was missing.

Because the two things didn’t line up. There shouldn’t have been anything missing if she was happy. But she was happy. She had had the man that she loved, finally calling her his wife. She had their three beautiful children. She had her job, and their home, and the Tornados. She had everything. But she didn’t know what else to expect. She didn’t know what else she could do to try and wrap her head around what she was trying to say. Because explaining it to Beckett was nearly impossible. And she could feel the distance between them like a canyon. It was there, and it had only ever been there once before. But he had come back to her after that. He had left Eliza, and he had come back for her, and Olivia knew that this wouldn’t have the same solution. She knew that she had to come up with another way to cross this divide. To pull the two sides back together. Because she missed him. She missed him in a way that wasn’t even logical, because he was right there. He hadn’t gone anywhere. He still sat with his arm around her. He still loved her. Things were just different now.

And so, she was glad that it was raining. She was glad that things weren’t that easy to wash away. They were still here, they were trying to figure it out. Because she loved him. And he loved her. And she believed in them. They could figure this out. And it would never be her daughter’s fault. Olivia promised herself that. She would never, no matter what happened, let either one of them try and say that it was the baby’s fault. She knew that they wouldn’t. She knew that neither one of them had it in them to blame the baby, but she thought that she might just spend the rest of her life blaming herself. Taking a deep breath Olivia pushed all of that out of her mind as she moved to say hello to the Headmistress of this particular school. “It’s rather miserable outside, but I hope that at least you’re staying dry.” She kept her smile as the younger woman stood and she reached across the desk to shake her hand. “I brought you some paperwork that needs just a couple of signatures.”

@ headmistress - 814 - olivia's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRPHY 2.0