The A Team | Open

She had been sitting on the ground of the shower, letting the cold water run over her wounds from the day, and she had been trying to convince herself to stay put. She had been trying to convince herself to stay at the apartment and not to do anything stupid. After four years, she was not going to do anything stupid. That was what she’d been trying to convince herself for hours--for days, really. She had been back in this place for two weeks now. It hadn’t even been that long and a part of her knew that. Cami knew that she had dealt with this before and while she had been tempted to slip, tempted to take something to make the pain hurt a little less… she hadn’t. She had kept strong then, she had kept herself away from temptation and this time around should have been no different. She should be able to continue to tell herself that she didn’t need it--that she didn’t want it.

But she did want it. Anything. She didn’t care what she got, as long as she had something to make herself feel a little bit better. Anything would be an improvement than how she felt now. She was tired, she was sore, her entire body hurt from once again being tortured day in and day out. And to make matters worse, her choices had gotten Dorian into trouble too this time. She had been sure that she’d thought over every single scenario. She’d thought that it was better to turn herself in and not put either of them at risk any longer. But she had never thought that they’d go to those lengths to figure out how she’d stayed hidden… she never thought that he would get into trouble too. Cami knew that it wasn’t that bad--fines were not bad. He wasn’t in Azkaban, he wasn’t in major trouble, but now his family knew the truth and that was her fault. Everything that made his life complicated was her fault.

And she didn’t want to feel that for a night. As much as she tried to convince herself that she didn’t need it, that she didn’t want it, Cami knew that she did. She wanted to go somewhere, she wanted to buy some pills or something and she wanted not to worry about anything for a while. She just wanted to feel good. It had been way, way too long since she’d felt good. So she’d stopped trying to talk herself out of it. She’d gotten out of the shower, she had gotten dressed… and she had made her way here. It was a place that she’d only heard of before this moment. A place that she knew how to find, but not anywhere that she’d stepped foot in until now. She had never thought that she’d needed that kind of temptation. It was only a Monday, there were no fights as far as she knew… but it still didn’t take her that long to find somebody that was selling.

She was just lucky that Dorian had left her some money the last time he’d been over. He didn’t expect her to spend it like this, now did he? Of course not. She was the sober one. She was the one that pulled him out of these situations, like she had Merlin knew how long ago now. Cami was not the one that was supposed to be so easily tugged down the rabbit hole. But she wasn’t going to be. One time… it was just going to be this one time, and then she would feel better for just a little while. Once she’d washed it down with a vodka soda at the bar, it was only a matter of time. Soon, she’d started to feel it. Everything was more vibrant and the music that had been giving her a headache when she’d first walked in seemed impossible not to dance to. So that was exactly what she decided she was going to do. Dance. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd felt like dancing, but she didn't care. With her eyes closed, she could just dance and not worry about anything else.