So I cut you off
I don't need your love
'Cause I already cried enough

You say you're sorry
But it's too late now
So save it, get gone, shut up
'Cause if you think I care about you now
Well, boy, I don't give a fuck

Outfit @ezraparker

Oh sweet merciful Merlin. How had she ended up here, again. She had sat on the edge of the tub for an hour the night before while Renny had slept in his bed room. She had done three different test, a charm and a potion and it was all the same result. She had poured out all the wine in the house and taken the caffeinated coffee downstairs. She was already hating this shit, and she had a hard decision to make. She barley remembered that night, hell she didn't even remember the guys name. She felt like shit, she just wanted to go to sleep and not puking, that would be great too, but that had already started up, just like last time. Dann it. 

She was carrying a boxes of paperwork from her office upstairs into the one downstairs. She had finally finished going through all of the shit that Alistair had messed up on, and Dean, and had gotten it all fixed up so that she wasn't screwed for eternity and made the new schedule. One box was left so she made her way upstairs and made Renny's snack and while he ate with Vic's son Jericho and Vic she went back down stairs to get something done. VIc was going to take them both to the Day Care before he headed to go do some stuff and she would be free for the rest of the night. Which was good because she had a lot that she wanted to get done and how she felt wasn't helping any.  

She was walking towards the office with the box when someone spoke and she turned around to look at them. "Yeah?" Her mind recognized him immediately and her heart dropped. She didn't even know if she was going to keep the baby. A potion sat on her bed awaiting the decision.  She didn't need this right now. "Can I help you?" Fuck! Go away! 

Put to rest what you thought of me

While I clean this slate

With the hands of uncertainty

Outfit

Ezra had awoken two and half weeks ago with a pang of guilt that had not given him rest ever since. He was not the type of guy to have one night stands, he wasn't even the type of guy to have things escalate that far on a first date let alone with a perfect stranger. She had been beautiful though and the liquor had been too intoxicating for him to refuse her sweet smell. It had been the night after graduation, he had just come home to find his father having an affair, which alone would have been enough to send him spiraling but that had not been the end of the earth-shattering news he would hear that night. No, his world was far from being fully crashed at the mere sight of his father's lips on someone who was not his mother. 

He had run away from the scene, it was as if his eyes could not bear to lay sight on what they could not unsee. His father had followed him down the hall and explained to him everything, his mother was not really his mother, he was not even a pureblood, his whole life had virtually been a lie. Ezra did not want to believe it at first, how could it be possible that all he had known his whole life was just a beautiful facade? He sat there and listened to his father's words pierce his ears like the sharpest knife and then finally after reluctantly agreeing to continue keeping such a dark family secret if only for the sake of his dear sister, he left. 

After leaving his father and having the wind completely knocked from his body, Ezra was unsure where to go, he trusted very few people other than his sister and he could not tell her this. For Emily to find out that she was not a pureblood, that Abby...should he even call her Abby? or Mother? nothing felt right anymore! He finally stumbled upon a bar and he drank himself into sobriety, sobriety from life. The pain he had been feeling disappeared and all that was left was her face. He could paint it with his eyes closed by the time he had worked up the courage to say hello to her and by that time she was equally inebriated. What followed was something that Ezra would spend two weeks feeling utterly ashamed over. 

This morning Ezra had awoken determined to make things right and to rectify the mistakes he had made, he was not his father, he could not shove his action under a rug and leave them there to hide for a decade. No! He had to fix this today, he would ask the mysterious blonde for a date and pray that she could forgive his previous indiscretion and that she would give him a second chance to sweep her off her feet. He walked into the bar and immediately saw her, though her name escaped his mind. "Excuse me, miss?" he stated and immediately upon hearing her reply he noticed the box in her hands and decided to assist "here let me help you with that". He reached in to hoist the box, and as he did he asked: "do you remember me?" 

IDGAF

tag: @ezraparker // words: 480 // notes: ---

He looked like a child, had she ever been that young? It was like innocence glowed from his every pore and it hurt her a little. It made her feel old and she knew that she wasn’t that old, not even halfway to her thirties, but she knew that this was a mistake. She had gotten drunk on a bad night and in her loneliness she had ruined her life. In her mistake she had created a new life, another piece of the family and she wasn’t sure that she was ready for it. She still hadn’t forgiven herself for the idiocy that she had done with Al, even if it had resulted in her getting the bar. Even if it had changed her life for the better. She had sworn off men, sworn that she would never again rush into anything and make a stupid decision. Yet, here she was again. Jesus in heaven. She had heartburn radiating to her kneecaps already and she was not even sure that she was mad about it.

She had known with Renny quickly and she had been the size of a house. She showed more than some thanks to her small form, and it was going to show again if she didn’t make a decision fast. Sh wasn’t far, the baby wasn’t big yet and she wouldn’t feel bad about it, but she knew that she would. She wanted another baby, she wanted to be happy, but she didn’t want it this way. She wanted a white wedding with flowers and cake and a car. She wanted the dream and a honeymoon and then a baby. She wanted everything that she had always wanted, but it seemed that fate always had other things in mind for her.

Jamie would have made fun of her. He would have told he that she was becoming a tart and she would have beaten him senseless with a toy of her sons or just her fists. She could hear him in her head now, laughing at her, making fun of the fact that she was second guessing a blessing that she had been wanting. She knew that she should be happy, but seeing the man before her, the father of the child, looking so young and with so much before her almost set her mind. He couldn’t know. Even if she kept it, he couldn’t know.

He reached for the box and she pulled it away from him. ”I think i’ve seen you in here before, but then we have so many patrons, it’s hard to keep everyone separate. “ She gave him a small smile and tilted her head. ”Was there a problem during your last visit?” Feigning that she hadn’t a single memory of who he was she was just happy that he couldn’t hear her heart thudding in her ibs.

template by eliza @ TB & THQ

Tell your heart to let me change your mind

Ezra was in shock, could she really not remember him? Was he the only person she had been with recently, she seemed far too kind to be a tart or a loose woman. He remembered her so clearly, he remembered everything she was wearing that night, from that lace dress down to the purple nail polish. He remembered her smell, and her hair the beautiful blonde tresses that had not given him one ounce of peace since that night. He remembered her smile, though it seemed a bit broken it was still one he could not soon forget. He remembered her gentle embrace and how he thought it had felt so right at the time. She had seemed so sure of herself that night, so confident but he wasn't sure if that was her or the booze. He wasn't sure of anything about her except that she was beautiful, and that he wanted to know more. Ezra had not been with many people, less than what it takes to make up one hand as a matter of fact, but the times he had been with those people had been meaningful for the most part and he preferred it that way. He was a romantic kind of guy and he at least liked to buy a girl brunch or tea before shagging her and even if it was after the fact this time around he was persistent that he would still try to do so. He felt that maybe fate or destiny had put this girl before him and he wasn't going to let her get away without at least one chance to see if there could be something more there. 

Ezra was not used to making mistakes and so he felt that maybe this wasn't a mistake at least that is something that he had to tell himself, that this, like everything else, happened for a reason. He was still recoiling at the thought of his father's news and he needed something good in his life, something that did not require him to think of his parent's betrayal. He had smiled when she pulled the box away from him it had only enticed him further that she was not interested in his help and he thought maybe it could be a metaphor for her in general, not interested, but he was determined to find a way to make her interested. The Parkers were a stubborn bunch and Ezra was no exception but he was nervous around her and it made him use a bit of caution instead of his usually confident demeanor with women he liked. He wanted to see how she felt first, to see who she was and what she might be thinking of him.

She had said it so casually that it kind of stung him a little, that she did not remember him, at least not in the way she should remember him. He thought perhaps the liquor had been too strong and that he had made a mistake by coming here but he reconciled that he had twice as much as she had and if he could remember those details she likely could too. He did not know for sure but he figured he never would unless he asked, so he cockily grabbed the box and swung it over his shoulder this time as if to say he wasn't going to give up so easily. He smiled at her a sly charming smile and asked "You really don't remember me? From the other night? I could not stop thinking of you and I don't want you to think me a daft bloke, but I have been wanting to ask you your bloody name ever since". 

When she had found out that she was pregnant with Renny she had been over the moon and so many plans had started in her head. She had been so happy and thought that this would be the thing that would push Chris into getting his shit together and agreeing to a wedding date. That they could finally start their lives together but that wasn’t what happened, As her key unloked that door she had heard them and knew well before her feet lead her to the bedroom what she would find. How he could have betrayed her like that, she would never know. How long he had been doing it she didn’t know either, but she was so hurt that she left and never went back. He did send an owl eventually telling her that he had left the country and that he hoped that she had a good life.

She had relied on the one person that she had after that. Chris’ brother, and her best friend. They were so close and had been close to dating once when they were in school, they had even kissed but things had gotten awkward, but they had stayed friends and started dating his brother a few weeks later. That had been 6th year. That had been a long time ago when things were simpler. They had gone through almost every step of the pregnancy together, and then just as she was reaching her seventh month he did it. He dropped a bomb on her and she hadn’t been able to take it. He hadn’t shown when she went into labor. She had owled him, but he hadn’t come.

He had left her there alone, to give birth to her son, alone and afraid at twenty eight weeks. Too scared to even try and tell her parents. She could have lost him, she could have lost her baby, and if she had, she would have been alone. She would have been there to do it all alone. He was fine though, he had made it through like the little fighter that he was, and she couldn’t believe how strong that he was. He was a little fighter, and so sweet. He was her little angel, and even though he got sick easily, she wouldn’t have changed anything about him at all.

He was two now and she was still learning every step of the way, she was still learning that it was okay to make mistakes. She was so happy to have her son and he was her entire world, he made the days worth living for and the nights worth waiting for. Of course, like all moms she needed a break and like everyone else. So she had gotten it. Sending her son to Vic’s she had had a night in the bar to herself, she had done shots had food she wasn’t supposed to eat. She had been a bad girl and waking up in the arms of a younger man had not been the smartest thing that she could have done, but she had tried to forget about it until that little plus sign. All she could remember thinking that that little pink plus sign was so unholy. She had drunk at least three bottles of Squash that day trying to get the courage to take the damn thing.

So here she stood thinking that she had screwed up, another baby, alone. Another baby and single. Another mouth to fl another pregnancy to work through alone. She was scared that if she did this she wasn’t sure she wanted to do it alone, and she wasn’t sure what that meant just yet. She could give it up for adoption. She knew that, but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to keep it and she didn’t want to get rid of it. She didn’t know what she wanted yet, but all she knew was that she was unsure.

He took the box and she crossed her arms before sighing and shifting her foot from one wedged shoe to the other. She didn’t want to admit any of it to him. She had remembered flashes that had made her flush for hours at a time and smile like a shit eating fool, but that didn’t mean that she could do this. Not now. Not with someone so young. So little had passed between them besides what had happened between her sheets. Would she be opposed to doing it again? Not at all. It had been almost six months since the last time that she had sex, and he was so much better than Alistair had been at a young age.

”If you wanted to know my name, all you had to do was to ask anyone here.”Grabbing a sugar packet she threw one at a man sitting at the bar. ”What’s me name?” He laughed and held up the glass ”All hail the mighty Aphrodite.” She turned and looked at him. Before unlocking the office door.

”Put it on the desk, and before you ask again, no I don’t remember, and I have a lot to do” She put on her apron and went behind the bar, looking at the bartender she nodded to him and sighed. ”Give him anything he wants, top shelf. “ She poured three shots of Patron and gave them to the older man that she had tossed the packet at and winked at him before wiping at the counter with her rag, hoping the man would leave after he had a drink. She didn’t need this today, Merlin help her.

Ezra was beginning to feel frustrated he had never been good with women, he had never really tried before. He wanted to try with her though, she had been alluring to him in a way that no other woman had ever been. She had been enough to pull him away from reading, away from observing and into this world where he made moves and tried to be charming. He wanted to impress her, he wanted to know her, but most of all he wanted to kiss her again. He found her confident, and in some ways, her temperament reminded him of his sisters, she clearly did not have the time of day to give him and he had seen Emily treat many young men like that in his lifetime. However, he knew that if she was truly anything like Emily than beneath this cold exterior was a vulnerability that he was dying to see. He wanted to peel her layers back like an onion and see who she truly was. He understood that he was catching her off guard and at work and he was tempted to turn away and leave, but he knew that might not be what she really wanted and if it wasn't and he left then he would never have another chance with her. He did not want to give in or give up so easily, and he just knew she had to have remembered him, you don't have a night with that sort of passion and then forget it so soon. Hell if he closed his eyes he could still taste her on his lips and it truly made him want to keep his eyes closed all of the time. 

When she had the man call out her name he chuckled a little at the sight of this girl, this woman and her ability to make even a simple task like introducing yourself to someone you had already slept with come off in a theatrical way. He was fascinated with this creature and he wasn't going anywhere until she agreed to a proper date with him or at the very least acknowledged the other night. At least he had already accomplished one mission he had set out with that day...he now knew her name. Aphrodite....he thought the goddess of love and sexuality's name suited her well and he could not wait to say it out loud and over and over again. He felt her name was so fitting for her to be so beautiful and he was in awe of a person having a name that matched them so well. Truthfully he was just in awe of this tiny blonde with this spitfire personality in every way, not just her name. She was a firecracker and he loved that about her, but he knew that would make this next part challenging, this goal of getting her to agree to a date. When she looked at him before unlocking the office door he felt certain that there was a faint sign of fire in her eyes, he was hoping that he could reignite it into a blaze the way he had the last time he saw her and the way it had been for him ever since. 

Ezra could tell there must have been an age difference between them and likely a sizeable one at that for he did not know many teenage girls with the clear spirit of a woman like she had. Age differences did not bother him and she was far more beautiful than any young girl he knew so age clearly worked well for her and he would enjoy hearing of her life experience in a way that no girl his age could provide him. He preferred to be taught than to teach and he felt she had a lot to teach him and that only made his blood boil with the anticipation of those lessons. He placed the box carefully on the desk as she had instructed and then he heard her hurried tone stating that she still did not remember him nor did she have the time for him. So he reconciled to remind her in a more straightforward way. He watched her put on her apron and go behind the bar and he heard her orders to the other bartender to give him anything he wanted and he was going to take full advantage of that. He figured he would at least need a shot or two of liquid courage for the rest of this conversation. "I'll take a brandy neat, thanks." He downed the alcohol like it was water and he had just come back from the desert after a two-week expedition, then he had 2 more. Finally, he had worked up the nerve, and he leaned over the bar where she was working and planted a long deep kiss on her lips then he pulled away giving her a cocky smile "Do you remember now, Aphrodite, goddess of love?"

-IDGAF

tag: @ezraparker // words: 487 // notes: ---

Her whole life had been one person leaving her after another. She had gotten use to that a long time ago. She had gotten use to the emptiness and the loss. She had finally come to accept that being alone for a while was good or her and was fine with one night stands to keep her warm when this had happened. He had been the first, but that was just her luck. It was always how it was. Just when she thought things would be going her way, it went so bad. Everything was always sideways and she never had any time to recover her senses.

Chris and Tony had done a lot of damage to her and the Alistair leaving because “Married life wasn’t for him” was a crock of shit but it had left her with the bar so she supposed that it had been a blessing in disguise. She missed people sometimes though, sometimes she wanted her mother and father, or Jamie. She missed them on her birthday the most, and even more on Renny’s. He had no cousins, no grandparents. If anything were to happen to her she didn’t know what would happen to her baby and it scared her. What would befall her son? The thought scared her and she didn’t know what more to do.

She watched in irritation as he drank not only the free drink that she had ordered that he be given but two more, eating further into the profits because she had said to give him top shelf. The little shit. She was putting some glasses away when he came and kissed her, and she kissed him back before giving him a good slap when he pulled away. Stepping from behind the bar she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into the office before slamming the door.

”Listen here, you little shit. Regardless of if I remember you or not, if you do that to anyone else who works here, I will hex your bollocks so hard, not only will they rot but they will fall off your body entirely. This is my bar, If i said I was working I fucking mean it. “ She pulled out a hair tie and pulled up her hair into a high pony before glaring at him.

She paced in front of the door as she thought, should she tell him, Did he have a right to know, if she wasn’t even sure that she was going to keep it? What was she going to do? ”Yo-you had no right at all, none. “ She said before putting her hand to her stomach as the urge to puke rose and she rubbed her belly.

”You need to leave, whatever your name was. Evan? We had a one night thing, and you have no right to even come here and do this. “

template by eliza @ TB & THQ

PUT TO REST WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF ME



WHILE I CLEAN THIS SLATE



WITH THE HANDS OF UNCERTAINTY.

Ezra could not believe he had done that, he was immediately sorry....well not immediately. The brief moment when she had kissed him back had made it worth it, but that slap! Holy Merlin! That girl had an arm on her, and he had never been slapped by a woman before, then again he had never been so bold as to try to kiss one like that either. He wasn't sure what it was about her that made he courageous or maybe it was stupid....yes that was more than likely it, she made him stupid. He tried to find the words to apologize but he could tell she was seeing red, he saw her coming around to him and he had to admit she looked a little scary in her angered state, he reached into his pocket and pulled out some bills, setting them on the counter to pay for his drinks, he was wealthy enough that he did not need nor want to take anything from this girl or her place of business. Just as the money hit the counter he turned to her and felt her tugging on his shirt, pulling him, no rather nearly dragging him back to the office where they had been before. She threatened to hex his bollocks and something about making them rot and fall of his body, he could not help but be confused, was this even the same girl that he had shared such a good time with a few weeks ago? Had she been replaced by someone else entirely? Had he somehow just dreamed the whole thing?

"I am sorry miss, I did not mean to presume, but with the sex we had the other night, I thought perhaps it was implied that you liked me. I feel like I have misread you completely and for that, I sincerely apologize. This is not something I have ever done before, sleeping with a complete stranger, and I don't know if it is something you do often, but for me I could not leave it at that, I came here to ask you for a date, though I feel I have done a terrible job at that thus far".He could see the anger still inside of her, as if she was seething, he took her hand and pulled it close to his lips giving it a soft kiss as a small smile crossed his face remembering her earlier comment "and as far as kissing anyone else that works here, I have no desire to do that, I only want to kiss you, but I swear my lips will not touch yours again unless you want them to".  He moved her hand to his chest and held it there tightly "but would you please put this poor soul out of its misery and do me the honor of allowing me to take you out sometime?"He looked at her with a gentle, honest smile. Hoping against hope that his last stitch effort at romance had not come off too cheesy. He was not what you would call smooth and he was by no means a playboy, this was the furthest he had ever gone to ask someone out, but she seemed worth it to him.

Having a baby was hard enough, and doing it alone had almost been too much for her the last time. She didn’t want to do it again, and while she knew that she had friends, who would lovingly helped her, she just wasn’t sure that she had it in her. Not to mention with a toddler running around. He was so young, so… fragile it seemed and she didn’t need that in her life. She didn’t need one more person to have to mother, and she had enough on her plate right now. She remembered it all, she remembered that night and he was even sweeter and more cocky than she had expected. He just wouldn’t go the hell away Maybe it was his age, or maybe she was just being old and cranky.

Damn it, he was breaking her down, and that was pissing her off even more. She didn’t want to give in, she wanted to stand her ground, She wanted to make sure that this child was what was right for her life, that she knew what she was doing and that was not simple as it was, and knowing that he was the father of her baby, made it harder but after the last two years did she want a man in her life, father or not.

He took her hand and kissed it and she tried to fight her smile and then her hand was on his chest. ”I’m sorry, but I can’t. “ Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t. Her pride wouldn’t let her. She kissed his cheek and stepped away from him, moving behind her desk to put some distance between them. ”There’s just too much you don’t know about me. I’m sorry.”

PUT TO REST WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF ME



WHILE I CLEAN THIS SLATE



WITH THE HANDS OF UNCERTAINTY.

Ezra was confused at this point, what could he not know about her? What secrets were being held behind that beautiful face? He needed to know, and more importantly, he wanted to know. She was growing kinder in her response. He felt a glimmer of the woman he had remembered from that night and it gave him the faintest amount of hope, hope that it was not yet too late for him. He had given his all, he had tried to bare his soul to her, and it seemed to make the ice between them thaw as quickly as a summer day. He was still getting rejection, but the rejection felt forced somehow like there was something holding her back from him. Something that she could not control which only allowed him to hope that it was not by choice that she was saying no to his advances. He wanted to pry, he wanted to know what could possibly be holding her back from him and then he wanted to knock down whatever unfortunate wall was standing in his way. He really wanted to just take this lovely creature into his arms once more and kiss her, hoping that a kiss would be enough to change her mind, but it hadn't worked last time, why would it work this time? What if she rejected him cruely again? He had misread so many signals earlier and who was to say he was not doing that again?

He walked over to her trying to close the gap between them, he felt as though he was being drawn to her as if his heart was fishing for hers getting ever closer but getting no bites at all. He wanted to smell her in the air he was breathing in, he wanted to touch her skin just one more time, fearing that it might be the last time he would ever have the chance. "why can't you? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, tell me and I'm sure it's not as big a deal as you think, I am not easily scared off and I have never felt this kind of connection before" He grabbed her waist drawing her near again, this time more seductively. "I am going to kiss you now, and if you do not want me to you can say no and I will let you go and walk out this door and never bother you again, mostly because I don't want to be slapped twice in one day" He chuckled a little under his breath throwing a sweet smile her way. "but if you want me to kiss you, and you are willing to let me in and tell me what is holding you back, then don't pull away" He held her there for a minute shifting his gaze back and forth between her eyes and her lips, waiting for a sign that it was okay to kiss those perfect lips again, and hoping against hope that she would be willing to give him a chance this time.