The wolves will chase you by the pale moonlight
Drunk and driven by a devil's hunger
Drive your son like a railroad spike
Into the water, let it pull him under

outfit | OPEN

Occasionally, she needed a break. Apparently it wasn't healthy to be constantly researching and thinking without taking a single break. She had never thought so before, but with all the extra studying she found herself tired now. Of course she could continue if she wished to, it was just that for once in her life, she didn't exactly feel the need to sit with her nose in her notes. She would get back to everything tonight, she slept little anyway, but for now she had decided that she might as well explore a few more shops. She had never been too fond of leaving the Estate, really, especially now that everything was so hot, but Knockturn Alley was blessedly cool. A week or so ago, she had gone to the shop of one of Theo's friends, and it had been rather interesting. Theo being a smuggler, he probably got half the dark artefacts in that shop for Pucey, but Sera hadn't asked. In fact, she'd only been there for a short time before Remington stepped in and she hadn't felt like sticking around for too long after that. Remington was Caerus' friend, not her, and obligatory socialisation was beyond her, really. She wasn't interested in people she knew first hand most days, she was even less interested in people she knew second hand. It probably would've been different if her cousin had been there; the conversation would've either been easier with him there to ease the way... or there wouldn't have been conversation between her and them at all, considering Rhea said Caerus and Remington used to be 'a thing', whatever that was.

The idea was fine, though. Exploring the shops in this darker, cooler area seemed like a fine pastime. Besides, apparently these were all specialised in what people considered to be 'dark arts', which was her specialty. The Coffin House had been centered around necromancy, mostly, which had made for a very pleasant fifteen minutes the first visit. Since then, she'd popped by a few more times. The shopkeeper was slightly unbalanced, but he was very knowledgeable. Borgin and Burkes, however, seemed to be more varied in its contents. Cursed objects, books on curses and poisons and blood magic, old heirlooms, forbidden artefacts. All very interesting, she'd been here an hour already. Nobody had tried to talk to her yet, though movement behind the counter indicated that there was indeed someone minding the shop. Humming, she took a book from the shelves and opened it. Plain English, which she could understand perfectly after an entire year with the language. Still, the contents were ceremonies and rituals aided by astronomy and all those things. She wasn't all that interested in it, but it might end up being useful in the future. Having never looked up any of this, she figured she might have missed a book on the same topic back at Stygian Hall. So she put it back and turned to the glass stands, full of... well, she couldn't see properly with all the dirt covering it all. How annoying.

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

Bottom of the River

This life was… Well… Normal. They had fallen into a sense of normal that Narcissa was very much looking forward to continuing. It would have been easier, of course, if her sister hadn’t decided that she wanted to be the Minister, but that was a problem that Narcissa did her very best to stay away from. All in all, she did her very best to stay away from pretty much everything if she could help it. She preferred to be in Scotland, and she thought that anyone that knew her very well knew that that was where they should go to look for her first before they headed all the way to Kent. She rarely would be there, and the Manor was maintained, that much was for certain, she wasn’t going to let it fall into disrepair or anything, but she very much wanted to spend her time elsewhere. Anywhere that wasn’t there, for the most part, and that had been the case for several years now. Ever since things had changed again, and she had ended up working for the Krums in the first place. Honestly, that might have been the thing that people expected the least.

Not that she thought that anyone was paying all that much attention to her, or what she was doing these days. She was by far the least interesting of the two sisters that were left. Andromeda was in a class of her own right now, and Narcissa thought that their mother was most likely rolling over in her grave thinking about how everything had turned out. The one that she had hated was the one in power. The favorite was dead. And the princess… Well the princess was standing right here, and she wasn’t anyone’s princess anymore. She hadn’t been for a long time, and Narcissa thought that their lives were far from what everyone had expected of the three little porcelain dolls that everyone had seen when they were children. This was better, if only because they weren’t controlled by someone else anymore. No one was making decisions for them. No one had made decisions for either of them in a long, long time. That simply wasn’t how they had chosen to be.

They were a generation of women that had been told to be quiet, to keep their mouths shut. To follow the instructions that they were given, and to do it with a smile. And that didn’t fly anymore. They could follow instructions, if they thought that they were good instructions, but they weren’t going to be bossed around, simply because they were women. They weren’t going to take orders, just because they feared what would happen. There was nothing that Narcissa feared anymore. Not really. She thought that she could take on whatever it was that came their way. The only way to really get under her skin was to use Draco against her, and truth be told, no one was really that foolish. She didn’t think that anyone was foolish enough to try and use her son against her again. They had done that before. They had tried to use Draco, and she had taken care of it. She had taken care of it then, and she was going to take of it every time it became an issue. No one, and she meant no one, got to harm her son, or use him against her.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, Narcissa made her way down the alley that had been their home for too long. She didn’t like it here, and she didn’t want to be in London period, but she had promised to pick something up for Viktor, and she had ordered something from Melanie Burke as well. Coming into Knockturn to pick it up herself had been one of Melanie’s conditions on getting it for her in the first place, and so here she was. Pulling the door to the shop open, she let her eyes sweep around the room. Thinking back on all of the times of the past that she had found herself here for one reason or another. Most of those times having to do with her son, or her husband, or some combination of the two. It didn’t seem to matter how much Lady Burke cleaned, it was still dirty in here. Narcissa looked down her nose at the cabinets on her right as she made her way into the shop, and she stopped short when she realized that she wasn’t the only one in the main part of the place at all. The blonde witch didn’t recognize the girl, but that wouldn’t stop her from at least acknowledging her with a smile. “Hello my dear.”

Narcissa's Outfit

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Don't you lift him, let him drown alive

@ cissa - outfit

Sera didn't consider herself to be a lonely person, she had more company than she ever thought she could possibly want or need. Well, that amount used to be zero and now... well, she didn't think it was zero anymore but she also didn't think that company was all that necessary or important. In any case, she'd gotten used to it. The castle had been so crowded and she'd been surrounded by people day in and day out. Even her study sessions had usually been interrupted by someone joining her or someone asking her a question or some nonsense like that. Her experimentation didn't even happen completely alone either, because when she went to the Shrieking Shack, Minister Lestrange had insisted that she have some adult supervision so she didn't die. Or something like that. Even her walks in the forest had been interrupted by the end of the school year, since LJ went with her pretty often. Well, that wouldn't be happening next year, since he was gone. It wasn't that she was complaining about people wanting to keep her company, she was used to it by now and in some cases she even enjoyed it. Well, no, enjoyed was too strong a word. She tolerated it almost voluntarily. Closer. Going back to her solitary rooms in Stygian Hall now was both a relief and rather strange. There was no one to interrupt her or try to draw her into conversation or ask stupid questions that could be answered by just opening a book and looking things up, but at the same time she found that the silence could get overwhelming. Not uncomfortably so, she wasn't bothered by it, but on occasion she just lifted her head from her books and... listened to the total emptiness of the place. After so long alone, one would think that she would be used to it. Apparently, a year surrounded by other teenagers had made a lasting change. 
    Knocturn Alley wasn't a particularly crowded place, really. It wasn't loud and it wasn't bright and there had been barely a dozen people walking down it when she'd last been outside. It was less silent than her isolated, cooled chambers, but it wasn't Diagon Alley either. She found that it was a pleasant middle point and since there were plenty of shops that held items and books that would be of interest to her, it wasn't a waste of time either. The apothecary had a lot of rare ingredients that would be good for her experimentation. There had been several books already that had held varying theories to what she'd been working on, and there had even been a few objects that were supposed to work when practicing necromancy that she thought might render interesting results. She had never exactly been interested in going out for a drink before, but she thought she would have far less objections to it if Rhea brought her to some place in here rather than those frilly, bright, crowded teashops she was so fond of. Going to Madam Puddifoot's in Hogsmead once had been enough for her, thank you. The colours had given her a migraine for the rest of the day. James said that she was allergic to colour and, looking at her own wardrobe, she couldn't really say that she disagreed. 
    Borgin and Burkes had, so far, a few mildly interesting things, but it was clear that it wasn't a specialised shop like many others on the same street were. Its books spoke about a whole array of topics, there were crystals and jewels and boxes and all sorts of things. It was more like an obscure, rather dangerous curiosity shop. There was a saying about curiosity and a cat, she knew, but her usual reading materials never made mention of it. Looking around had kept her entertained enough until someone spoke to her. She hadn't noticed the door open, but she looked from the dusty surface she'd been examining to look at a woman she'd never met before. There was a vaguely familiar air about her but she couldn't really place it. Rhea would have yelled at her for not answering, so she offered a "Hello" before raising her unoccupied hand to wipe at the glass. Her other held the book, still, though she was half tempted not to buy it after all. She could always find it again later.

Bottom of
the River

Life was never what you thought that it was going to be. Narcissa had learned that a long time ago, and she thought that it was a lesson that would always apply. It never got old, really, and there was something to be said for a life lesson like that. It was just that you had to make do with what you had, and where you were going That was the life that she had known for a long time now, and it was something that she was getting better at recognizing. When it was time to let things go, when it was time to just accept the things that she could not change. And she had fought long and hard to get to where she was now. To get to the point where she could accept things. Though, if she were being honest, Narcissa didn’t think that she accepted all that much. She thought that she just tucked things away and didn’t let herself worry about them too much. It was easier, in the end, to not let herself worry. To only focus on the things that she could do something about. Because if she worried about everything else, she would start to drown again.

And drowning on solid ground was a hard thing to do. It was hard to drown when there was no water. It was even harder to make other people realize that you were going under. Because there were no warning signs. Not when you did it the way that she did. Not when you went from find, to sinking, and there was nothing that could be done about it. Narcissa was better at hiding it now though. She was better at doing exactly what was expected of her, and exactly what people had come to think was going to happen. Because sometimes the two were not the same things. Still, she found that a good majority of her time she was alone, dealing with whatever was happening inside her head. Because it was a battle that she fought every day. Keeping herself as steady as she was right now was something that she devoted quite a bit of her time too. It was something that she had to try and sell. Because there were people that she cared about. Because there were times when she had to be enough, for them. For them Narcissa would make herself be enough.

There were plenty of people that she thought that she had to take care of. And probably quite a few that she didn’t, that she was protective of anyway. Andromeda. For one. She knew that she didn’t need to be protective of her sister, but she was. She was insanely protective of her, and she thought that there had to be something that she could do. Some way that she could handle that situation. But that wasn’t her place. She couldn’t protect her sister now, even if she wanted to. She knew that she didn’t have the power to do that, when Andromeda had protected her instead. She had sent her to Scotland. She had giftwrapped the Krums. She had given her an out, and excuse. Something that she could use to stay away from all of it, and Narcissa had taken it. She had taken Scotland, and Viktor, and Desirae, and Vzá, and now Jack. She had taken that out, and she wasn’t going to give it back. She was going to keep that in her corner. She was going to use that to keep herself out of whatever boiling water Lucius found himself in. And she would figure out how to keep Draco out of it too.

Because he was the most important person to her. He would always be the most important person. He was her son. Her only son. And she would do whatever it took to do that. Still… There were things that she did, and people that she kept in contact with, that were a part of this world. The world that was this alley. The world that they had lived in for so long. The world where Malfoy didn’t mean the same thing as it did now. As it had before. There had been a period in there where she had hated that name. But it was a safer name than some. Her own actions had made sure of that. And she would do the same again. If it meant that Draco would be okay. Narcissa would always do whatever it took. She had come for a reason, but she knew that some people didn’t. That they wandered this shop for the novelty of it. And she would guess that that was exactly what this girl was doing now. Narcissa didn’t know her, but there were plenty of children from this current generation that she didn’t know. She smiled when she saw her wipe the dirt away from one of the cases, “Even a cleaning spell won’t take the years of dirt off of that glass.”

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don't you lift him, let him drown alive

@ cissa - outfit

    The question about wether her relationship with Theodore would ever be the same was one that she had no answer to, but it wasn't something she was curious about yet anyway. Sera wasn't all that eager to get as close to him as she used to be, really, because trusting him last time ended up with him breaking almost every single promise he'd made to her when he adopted her. Sera had come to a new world, gotten a new name and was surrounded by new people and expectations and everything, and all the stability she'd had was a father she could trust. Now, though? She didn't think she could trust him anymore, because as soon as it'd suited him, he'd broken those promises. The best thing was to assume that she was alone and to fend for herself, which was really far easier than anyone would think. After all, she'd survived by herself without food or shelter in the frozen Krai in the middle of winter for months on end, here she could make it quite easily. Comfortably. Did she had other family and friends? Yes, she did, but she didn't think she wanted to rely on them either. She didn't want to run the risk of the same thing happening again, first of all, but she also didn't feel the need for it. They were there for casual company, for passing conversation or spending uncomplicated time together. For survival and safety she would rely on herself and herself only, everyone else was... a detail. 

    She was used to being alone, that would be a good thing, she admitted. After all, if she was used to relying on no one then not having someone to lean on would be no hardship. She wouldn't need it and life would continue as always, the only difference would be that she would make her decisions herself and any problems would be resolved by herself alone. It was an easy decision to make, really, and nothing had outwardly changed about her. She supposed that it was only natural, having forcibly become so independent all at once it had now become natural to her. Relying and trusting Theo with the peace of her life had not been a great idea and all that anger she had felt, how she had felt betrayed by his choice to go back on his words, had been anger in disappointment both at him and at herself. He may be her father but he had not hesitated to do this, and saying that she could kill Astoria if she so wanted didn't help at all. Why should she have to kill the woman if she was upset? If he knew that she might not be pleased at the matter, why had he done it at all? That was both of their mistakes, she admitted it, and while she would recognise him as her father and maybe would even feel close to him once more, she would not rely on him again. She would not because this wasn't a disappointment she wanted to feel again.

    The other woman in the shop spoke again and Sera blinked, hand halting on the glass. She still couldn't see through it but something told her that removing the glass for whatever was inside might not be such a good idea. It might not be on there to keep the contents clean but rather to keep them contained. Such things happened and the thought made her even more eager to see what was inside. She narrowed her eyes, displeased. There was not plaque or tag to inform on what was inside and the clerk was not behind the desk either. Was she going to have to just unleash whatever was inside? Perhaps. Good riddance. "What's in it? It doesn't say." Laying the book down on a random shelf beside her, she lifted both her hands to grab the large glass cover. Well, if someone died then at least she would've satisfied her curiosity.

Bottom of

the River

Narcissa didn’t have answers. She didn’t even recognize herself some days, but she thought that the most that she could do was try and exist in some way that made the days a little easier. She wasn’t going to dwell. It was dwelling that was going to cause her trouble in the end. It was what would cause her to go under, and she didn’t think that she could stomach that. The last thing that she wanted was to suffer again. She had been doing better. There were parts of her existence now that were just easier to live with than they would have been before. She had found some sort of balance that let her life, and exist, and she wasn’t drowning. She was living with all of it. Learning to tuck the things away that were most likely to kill her. The things that had almost killed her before. She didn’t have to face them, and that made all of it easier.

Everything was easier than it had been in the past, and she thought that Scotland was a part of that. She didn’t like being in Wiltshire. It was far too far to the south for someone that had grown up in Northumberland. Narcissa had no idea how her sister was living in Dorset. It seemed like it was something that she would eventually tire of as well. They were just better suited to the north, and Narcissa knew that Blackmoor would always be there. If they needed that reprieve, and they needed to go home, Blackmoor still stood, it would let them in. It was somewhere that they could go. That was open to them, and their children, if they needed a sanctuary for the evening. It was always an option, and she was glad for that. Sometimes just knowing that she could get away was enough. But she didn’t have to get away as much anymore. Not when she spent the majority of her time in Glasgow.

The blonde thought that the distance from her son would bother her eventually, but Draco was around often enough for her to fuss over, and she rather enjoyed fussing over Desirae and Viktor and their children as well. Jack was tiny, and Narcissa could admit that seeing him made her a little nostalgic. Draco had never been that little, but she had been just as fiercely protective of him as Desirae was of Jack. And she wanted that for her son. She could admit that. She wanted to see Draco settle down enough to get married and have a few children. Legitimate children. Because she wasn’t going to expect Lucius to accept a bastard as an heir, and as far as she knew, Draco didn’t have any bastards running around either. She thought that he would have at least been decent enough to provide for them, and she hadn’t seen any of that happening.

She watched him, kept an eye on him. She was his mother, and if there was one thing that Narcissa Malfoy was, it was protective. She would always be protective of her only child, even when he had children of his own. The child in front of her now she didn’t know at all, and yet, she often kept up with who had had children, and when. This one was no one of her son’s friends’ little ones. At least not the ones that had been around for their entire lives. “If Lady Burke hasn’t changed it since I was last in here, her father used to keep a Hand of Glory in there.” The glass case didn’t look like it had been touched in a long time, and Narcissa thought that Melanie Burke would have left some of the classic pieces alone, simply out of respect for her deceased father. She watched her move to lift the glass and she raised one eyebrow, “You’re daring aren’t you?”

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