I have nothing left to give
I have found the perfect end

You were made to make it hurt
Disappear into the dirt

@arleigh
Location: St.  Mungo's Pediatric floor
Date: JUne 20th 2018

He had fucked up and he knew it, but there wasn't a lot that he could do about it any more. He had done the one thing that he never did, that he promised hismelf he would never do again and now he was just miserable. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders and there was a good reason for it. He knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he had feelings for Arleigh. For almost a year he had been close to her, sleeping beside her and helping her raise her nephew, but he knew that it had morphed into something else in his mind and he couldn't let this happen. He had to stop it. 

She was not his wife, that was not their baby. She didn't love him. Gods, he did love her, but he had not one single right to and now he had to make this thin that was not supposed to be messy into a mess. Things had been fine until her sister had come home. She had taken over taking care of her son (after some lessons from Wil and Arleigh) and now things were different. The giggling buffer that had been there before was gone and he couldn't hide and say that his feelings for her were merely how he felt for Jack. He couldn't do that any more. 

He had tried, sweet Jesus had he tried. He had prayed, he had bargained, he had done everything but make a sacrifice to Odin. His shift was ending, and he knew hers would be not too long after. They had a standing agreement that he would come to her house on nights like this, but he wouldn't again. This was where it ended, and oddly, he wasn't nervous. What kind of Monster did that make him? Knowing that he was probably going to crush her heart, but he felt.... nothing. An old feeling left from his divorce. It was easier to feel nothing than to feel what was hurting him. He was signing off on some charts before he let for the night. 

He saw her coming towards her and handed the chart off to the nurse with a small sigh and then looked at her, only giving her a small smile and not the usual grin. "Hey can we talk?" 

words: 405

The scariest thing is that we didn't even have to be together for you to break my heart

Outfit
Word Count: 502

Arleigh was excited for her shift to end, she was finally headed home, but not alone. Wil would be coming with her and that was more exciting than anything else. Piper would be there and Jack of course but Piper did try to make herself scarce when Arleigh brought Wil home. She had a magnificent night planned, cuddling on the couch, a nice dinner, and maybe something more for dessert. She wanted to be with him all the time now, now that she could, now that Piper was back and she could take care of Jack and Arleigh could focus on her relationship? yes, she supposed she would call it that. She certainly felt like she was his and he was hers, but they had never officially had that conversation. She was falling for him hard, ever since the night in February when she saw him taking care of Jack in the middle of the night. It had made her contemplate their own future, and now that Piper was back, that future could begin. Perhaps, she could soon be having children of her own, and perhaps that could be with Wil. She did not want to jinx anything by wishing too hard, but she could certainly see herself with him long term, she thought he could maybe feel the same way too. 

He had been spending a lot of nights with her, although it wasn't more than usual, but it had certainly felt different, now that they could focus on one another and not have a baby to take care of. He had been there for her when almost no one else really was. She had needed him, and he came through, and for that, she would always be grateful, but then slowly those feelings of gratitude had turned into something else, something more. She had real feelings for him, she could not hide them, though she tried. It was only supposed to be a friends with benefits sort of relationship at first when he had first started staying those nights, but how could she not fall for him, how could she not love the man that was in her bed every night? She had not perfected the art of no strings attached and she could not imagine how she ever could, especially with Wil and she hoped against hope that it was the same for him. She changed her clothes in the locker room,  and then walked down the hall to where she saw Wil, she approached him with a smile, about to ask him how much longer he would be and if she should wait for him. He did not have the usual look in his eyes that he normally did when he saw her and his smile was smaller, it made her worry, she hoped he was ok, that he had not lost any patients that day. He asked if they could talk, and that only made her stomach grow tense with worry "sure, is everything ok?" she asked.  

Her age was a little bit of a problem and he knew that he looked bad to some, because she had been in his training program,but he hadn’t touched her until she was out of it. Hell he hadn’t looked at her twice until almost a year before, but he couldn’t any more. He ran a hand through his hair and watched her come towards him. Jesus,what was he doing. Did he want to do this, did he need to do this. He wasn’t even sure anymore of what they were doing together half the time other than sex. It wasn’t a relationship and he was kind of her boss and with her sister back, she didn’t need him anymore. It was better this way, it had to be.

He was no good to no one, work was his first priority, his patients, the healers in training were the most important things in his life, and she was going to have to learn like everyone else that he wasn’t going to change that. This had been about sex and then it had been about Jack. Piper was back and it was clear that she wanted more. His heart said that he wanted more, and that meant that it was time to end this. It was time to break this apart and move on. The Whiskey and the job would make it better, it would ease any pain that he felt. He had to be like he was at work, he had to be detached, removed. Like when he was firing someone, because that was the only way he knew how to protect himself.

He was planning on changing shifts with a friend and taking his on call night so he didn’t have to go home and think about this, he didn’t have to see her the next day, it would be fine. He motioned to the empty room behind him and put his hand around her upper arm, guiding her into the room and shutting the door and then moved to sit on the chair there before running a hand into his hair. How did he say this? Should he be professional? Should he just come out and say it? He wasn’t sure. His heart was yelling at him not to do it, but the last time he had listened to it Dory had broken his heart.

He sat there for a moment before he stood and put his hands into the pockets of his scrubs. Honesty it was. ”We can’t do this anymore. Honestly, I let it go on far too long because of Jack, but with Piper back, it’s not like I am needed any more. I am not his family, just his healer. “ He stopped to clear his throat and pulled himself up to his full height in full boss-man mode. ”If you wouldn’t mind packing any things of mine left in the flat and dropping them at my office, that would be great. I’m working a double and will be off tomorrow, but Sarah will put the away for me. “ He sounded cold and distant, but that was what he had to do, he put his hand on the door handle and didn’t look at her.

”I know this isn’t going to be easy for you, Arleigh, but I hope you can at least try and remain professional.” He looked over at her, and knew she would see the pain in his face, the water in his eyes. He wanted to hug her, to hold her, to kiss her. To tell her he loved her, but that would give her the right to hurt him. That would give her the power to do what Dory did all over again, and he wasn’t doing that again.

words:648

THE SCARIEST THING IS THAT WE Didn't EVEN HAVE TO BE TOGETHER FOR YOU TO BREAK MY HEART

Word Count: 470

Arleigh could tell something was wrong almost immediately, it was as if Wil's entire demeanor had changed since she had seen him last. When he took her by the arm and gestured towards the empty room, she knew it would be even more serious than she had previously anticipated and she began to prepare herself for anything. What could he have to tell her that was serious enough to warrant a private audience? She watched him go from sitting to standing as the tension in the room seemed to rise even higher. Arleigh took a seat, feeling like she would need to be seated to hear this news. "What is it Wil?" she finally asked before waiting to hear his reply. Suddenly out popped a series of words that she did not see coming at all. He wanted to break up with her? Could it even be called breaking up? Were they ever even together? A million questions soared through her mind, as she wondered why he would be doing this. She listened as he went on stating that he had stayed because of Jack, but now that Piper was back he needed to just be his healer again and nothing more. She was confused, had he been with her this whole time just because of Jack? She was even more hurt by this thought than the fact that he was ending this...this thing that they had going on. 

She sat there for what felt like an eternity listening to every word rolling off his lips, each one more hurtful than the last. He asked her to bring his things to his office, it sounded so business-like and he had hardly any emotion in his voice, it was all very distant and strange. She was not even sure he was the same man she had been with all these months, he seemed foreign, almost robotic in nature. How could he be hurting her like this and not even care that he was doing so? She fought back tears, but she promised herself she would not let him see her cry. The final blow might have hurt the worst, he told her that even though it was going to be difficult for her she needed to try to remain professional. This hurt because not only did he realize what he was doing to her but he was insulting her ability to keep her work and private life separate. She was a grown woman who had had this job long before him and would continue to have it long after him. She was pretty sure he was expecting some big spectacle but he would not get that from her.  "You are breaking up with me?" she asked calmly looking up at him, trying to remain as cool and distant as he was. 

dear agony
_{please let go of me}

Being detached and emotionless was one of the complaints that Dorie had had when he left, that she couldn’t understand how he didn’t feel the pain, but he did. Only it hadn’t lead to him sleeping someone else. He had a hard time processing things or once he set himself to something, he didn’t understand why people would be upset, if it didn’t upset him. There were things that he had learned to do to protect himself, to protect others from the pain that he felt, or the agony that raged inside him, threatening to come to the surface as anger, like right now.

He didn’t want this, he had never wanted feeling or attachment and yet he had let it happen because she needed him, Jack had needed him, but now. Well, now things were different. Now things were going to have to change because she was not his wife, and no matter how much he wanted the little family with the woman who was before him, it wasn’t his. He couldn’t cling to a dream that had never happened. He couldn’t do it to himself for the simple reason that above all else, she was a coworker, he was a superior in the sense of seniority. He had a responsibility to the others that worked there and to her, but yet he had been stupid and fucked up.

Wil ran a hand through his hair and leaned into the door with his hand before sighing and turning his head to look at her. The emptiness that had been in is eyes had faded and he looked at her, knowing that emotions that he could not control would be showing in them. ”Arleigh, you know just as well as I that we were never a real couple. We slept together and I helped you with Jack. We both got what we wanted out of this, but… it’s ridden its course and it’s time to end it. You’re a good kid, and fire in bed. It won’t be hard for you to find someone and move on.” He pulled the door open and nodded to a nurse who was there, trying to get his attention.

”Look, I’m sorry it had to happen this way, but sooner or later, you’ll see that it’s for the best.” He said before stepping out of the room, leaving the door to stand open and took the file from the nurse.

@arleigh| OUTFIT | 412