Shut up train stop rubbin' it in
_{You've made your point
I give up you win
You win}

It was harder, sleeping in her bed all alone, and though she knew she could find solace when she needed it with Max, she knew too that he had a life of his own and she could not expect him to drop everything for her all the time. After all, he had a business to run and a family of his own. She had changed bedrooms to one that she had liked long before and that was an adjoining room to the nursery. She didn’t sleep because she worried constantly that she would wake to find her children gone. That she would wake to only find that this was all a dream and Peter was merely away. Oh Merlin did that thought still scare her, still haunt her.

Her Büyük baba had come to see her a few days before, to make sure that she had everything that she would need and to relinquish to her something that Peter had given in case of his death. It was the seal of the family, something that meant a lot, and the fact that Büyük baba had it, was a cause for concern. He must have had debts with the older man, but in reality she just knew that the man would be forgiving them now that Peter was gone. She was so scared of so many things, but mostly it was of being stuck here all the time. So when her Valide came to pick up the children, Xiomara left to go, well anywhere.

She had gotten in her car and driven away from the house. She had to have a way to get around and the house was so far away from everything. She ended up in Godric’s Hollow and had wandered a bit, getting some things she saw in shops that she liked before going into a bookshop for books to read to the kids at night.

Opening the door to the shop she walked around the corner and nodded to a man that she saw and did her best to look sad. After all, she was in mourning.

@alan | OUTFIT | 350

Leaving it all unsaid

Keeping it quiet instead
You know that I won't explain
Cause I've grown to need this pain
@xiomara | outfit

He wasn't sure whether he was happy or mortified. Probably a combination of both, but mostly the former. It had been quite some time since he had been blessed with a baby and the last time Anya had been pregnant. Well, it hadn't gone so well. He wanted to be happy; he was happy. Both of them had admitted to secretly been wanting to have another child, but neither of them had actually intended on making it so. Life had a funny way of making things happen all on it's very own, but now with this sickness? It made it all that much more worrisome. He hoped that he and Anya's lack of magic wouldn't affect the baby. He couldn't deal with the guilt from it if it did. But it was conceived before either of them were sick-- at least that was what his math figured-- and he hoped that meant good news for the newest member of the Woźniak brood.

It wouldn't be years before he had to worry about that. Alan knew that, though it was still in the back of his mind. He decided it was best to push it away and forget it for now. This sickness had already taken so much from him, it shouldn't also take away the excitement of a new baby. And excited he was. He had been going through all of Emil and Aneska's old things, what very few things they were. It was a bad time for the family during their birth, one that left them strained and with little money. All the keepsakes they were able to keep were small, and not something he wanted to give to this new baby. He wanted to keep them as they were, memories of his oldest babies.

So he was on a mission. He had bought a few things over the past few weeks and today the idea of the baby having books felt as though it was if the upmost importance. So he had told Anya at work that he was going to run a few errands after work and that he would meet her back at the house for dinner. He didn't tell her that he was shamelessly going to be piling books about colors and numbers into his basket at Toadstool Books. He was looking at a particularly riveting book about shapes when a figure appeared at the corner of his vision. As he turned to see the other patron he immediately recognized the sad face.

"Lady Crabbe," he greeted with a nod taking a few steps toward her. "I heard about Peter..." Suddenly his voice trailed. He didn't have many kind things to say about his fellow Death Eater. No good things, including stories of how he treated his wife. As polite as he wanted to be about the delicate situation he found himself truly unable to lie about his distaste. "I can't say that it's a terrible loss but.....it's definitely a loss." He tried his best not to smirk or smile. This was his widow before him, after all.

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

you made your point
_{I give up, you win}

It was hard to pretend that she was upset, that she was hurt when so many other things were going through her mind when so much else was lingering there at the forefront of things. She was supposed to be unhappy, sad that her husband had died. Even if everyone in their circles knew what he had done to her she still had to pretend that she was upset. She would still have to look like her world had ended on the full moon. Like the man that she loved was dead and her life would never ever be the same. It wouldn't, it really wouldn't but there was something different about her life now. There was something about the life that she could leave behind, and never look back, but for her children, it would never be that easy.

She wanted a life with Max, she wanted a life with her children. She wanted this chance to be happy, but she had to fake it. she had to act. She ran a hand through her hair slowly and sighed as she looked to the man before her and nodded her head. This was delicate, to say the least, and he had been close to her husband at one point. He knew the man that Peter had been. She knew that he had seen it, at least once. There was no way that he hadn't and there was just something about that that brought her some confidence that things were not just in her head.

Nodding her head she looked towards her hands, which had once been slim and perfect now married and scarred from flowers and a reflection of the life that she had been living. Since she had nothing to give her any break, peace or freedom save for it it was always very much welcome. T-thank you. His sister is wanting to have a secondary memorial for his friends, but I don't know any of them and I don't think... with the time of year and all circumstances taken into account. " She said before nodding her head.

"Luckily, our children are young enough to not remember a lot of things."

@alan | OUTFIT | 365

LEAVING IT ALL UNSAID

KEEPING IT QUIET INSTEAD
YOU KNOW THAT I WON'T EXPLAIN
CAUSE I'VE GROWN TO NEED THIS PAIN
@xiomara | outfit

Peter was someone he had known for a long time, though never someone he considered a great friend. He had always thought the man was a little...off. It wasn't something he could easily place a finger on but he could tell that he just wasn't right. Still, he had been a cohort for many things in his life. It required a bit of cooperation, a bit of putting up with some shit in order for them to all achieve their goals. Alan had foolishly thought during the camps that maybe they had put the worse behind them. That, maybe, he was finally growing to like the bastard. Once they were free of that, though, he found his distaste returned rather quickly. Especially when he had noticed marks on the poor man's wife.

Alan wasn't stupid, he knew abuse when he saw it. He had been a victim of it for so many years in Azkaban, in the camps. It wasn't something that was easy to hide from him but it was almost like Peter had never really tried. Something about that irked him just a bit. Alan could tear muggleborns in half with a shit eating grin but he could never in a million years imagine harming Anya. No matter what she did or what she said-- she was his wife and he loved her. Peter, well, he may have loved Xiomara. Maybe he didn't. Alan wasn't quite sure but he knew one thing and that was that he simply didn't like that fucking guy. 

Hearing of his death was anything but a sore subject and he waved it off quickly rather than mourning for even a second. The death of a brother in arms, sad as it was, did not trump his low burning hatred for the man. Still, Alan was trying his best to keep his emotion concealed. He couldn't bring himself to say a single good thing about him but at least he hadn't asked for a celebratory high five. That might be distasteful, considering it was his widow he was speaking to. The one woman on Earth who may actually mourn him. But with the things he had done to her she couldn't be mourning so badly, could she? 

"Anya and I will try our best to make it. I'm sure she'd like to bring you a little something by, you know how these things go. Casseroles and what have you," he shrugged with a sympathetic smile. Did he have intentions to go? Sure. It would be poor form to miss a memorial service, even if it was for someone he didn't mind not remembering. "Exactly. Exactly, sometimes it's a good thing when they're so young. They don't remember enough to miss or mourn. When they're older it's....a little tougher." Alan winced a bit thinking of events so long ago, things he didn't wish to think of now. "If you need anything, anything at all, you know where to find us? I'm sure Anya and I wouldn't mind watching the little ones if you find yourself needing a break."

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

you made your point
_{I give up, you win}

kept his life usually pretty private, even from Xiomara. He didn’t tell her who his friends were, and they were only introduced to her if they met in public, she was usually told that it was not her business who he chose to spend time with, or who chose to be social around, that being said the only one who had shown an interest had been Alan and his wife. They had noticed things because if Alan came around after a rough couple of days, Anya usually came around shortly after. She didn’t mind it though, it was nice to think that she wasn't’ so alone, that she didn’t have to hide how she felt, even if she did. She always played her part, and had for a long time. it had been kindness in a hard spot from someone that she had least expected that had broken her though.

She usually showed how she was feeling through her paintings, the harder she hurt the better the paintings it had seemed for a long time. Xiomara kept that secret regardless of anything else, because she knew it could be taken away from her. The only person who knew, well besides Max now, was her grandfather, and she had known that he knew from the moment she had entered his study and found one of her favorites hanging above the fire. Despite being a hard man, a Death Eater, and a purist he always put his family first.

Maybe that was why she had liked Alan always, he reminded her of the older man, of the head of her family. Giving a small smile she pushed hair out of her eyes and nodded her head. ”That would be lovely, and do tell her she is welcome to pop by any time that she wants to. I never say no to tea and some chatting. “ Especially when she felt like she was going crazy from being locked up in the house. ”I’ll talk about it with Sheryl some more and see if we think it prudent. We still haven’t caught the animal that did it or found any other traces of it on the property. Baba and Valide think… well, they think the worst naturally, but who would want to hurt him, that is the real question.” She said softly, her voice sad and low even though her eyes flashed knowingly and shining with something dark.

”I would be honored to have you two over for dinner sometime after the mourning period lifts. Perhaps after the New Year. I should have renovations to the manor done by then.” Which was true, she probably would have the, done by then, the whole place was steeped in the monster that had been lurking in her husband, a monster that still haunted her and she didn’t want to be reminded of that any more than she had to be, so she was getting rid of the darkness and making it a home that her children could grow up happily in, something that she worried about oddly enough.

@alan | OUTFIT | 518