even when the dark comes crashing through, when you need a friend to carry you
_{even of your broken on the ground, you will be found}

She knew what she needed to do, and she knew where she needed to go to do it. She had to put some space between her and people, and just needed to breath. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t like she wanted this, but he just… and she…. ugh. She didn’t know how to say it, how to explain it or how to even talk about it. She didn’t need this. She had school to focus on, a meet at Easter and her gran was sick (which worried her more than it should). She wanted to be able to focus on something good for once in her life but it felt like she was never going to be able to. She couldn’t even keep herself together when it came to Summer and Dima. Winter pressed the importance of not letting the other girl get to her, but how could she not? How could she not let herself feel the hurt? How could she not let herself feel any sort of pain at the words that cut her so deep?

That was what bullies relied on though, wasn’t it? They needed to see others hurt to feel better about their own inadequacies, and it wasn’t shocking that Summer was one of the people had figured out how to get under Mona’s skin. She wished it wasn’t like this, she wished that she wasn’t like this, but it just hurt. After everything that had happened with both of her dads and then her mom, finding people who accepted her and wanted her around was the one thing that she wanted more than anything else and it looked like Summer knew that. Weather Winter had said anything or not she didn’t know, but getting some air was the thing that she needed more than anything else.

She sat in the Astronomy Tower and looked out over the grounds, she had on her coat and her robes, but a blanket was wrapped around her as well to help ward off the chill as the cold winter wear blew around her. Nothing had prepared her for this. Nothing had told her or shown her that she would be miserable for most of her life. She would be better off flinging herself off the blasted tower. She would be lying if she said she had never thought about it, but somehow she knew that no matter what it was, somehow Dima would come out of nowhere and save her, just in the nick of time.

Maybe that was why she fancied him the way she did, because he had been sticking up for her for so long. Maybe it was some sort of hero worship, but she knew that she wasn’t sad over him. She wasn’t upset over the fact that he was her friend or over the fact that he was dating Zoe. She was happy for him. She was upset that someone, something, that had once been a haven for her, was now being used as a weapon. Was she that transparent? Was it that obvious that she liked him? She had no idea, but she just… she wanted it all to stop. Maybe if she said something, maybe someone would stop her, or maybe they wouldn’t. It was hard to say with the people who had been running the school.

This new Headmistress seemed nice enough, but then so did Flint before he took that boys tongue. She ran a hand through the loose red curls that hung around her and sighed before pulling her knees up to her chin, not hearing the person who had come up behind her.

@dionysus| robes | 606

Burning everything I know

Desperate for change
Crashing down the ancient roads
Past our yesterday

Heavy. Slithering in his guts, it was there. Ever since breakfast that morning it had been there. This anxiety in his guts and the unopened letter in his pocket. He could only imagine what the damn thing was about. He was doing everything he possibly could. He was doing it well. Prefecting, interning, clubs to appease them both, the highest marks in all courses. What could the letter possibly be about? Dionysus knew that no matter what the exact reason was for his parents to write, the content was all going to be the same. He would need to step it up. He would need to do more. To be more. He was a Yadav, not by blood, but by all other rights-- and he would have to prove himself. Today and all days he would have to work harder to make them proud.

That was the silent killer with adoptions, he supposed. Never feeling enough. He hadn't been enough for his birth parents to want to keep him. And Ina and Pita, they loved him, but...at what cost? Only when he had put in the blood, sweat, and tears did he receive their affections. Other children had to do so little. He saw them, hell, he saw more than he meant to in each and every peer that he came across. There were first years whose mothers wrote them every single day, inquiring on how their little babies were doing. Random gifts of candy or trinkets or 'just thinking of yous' from other parents. He could pretend not to care, but his eyes always deceived him when he leaned a little too far across the table to see just what sort of handwriting the 'love mum/dad' was at the bottom of those owls.

In all honesty he didn't think he could pick the word 'love' written by his Ina out of a line-up if he had to. The only time she ever wrote about love was when she gushed in her magazine about a new bottle of Pinot that she'd discovered. It was never about him, and he had grown numb to it now. He resigned himself to the fact that their love was silent, just like their praise. It was there. Forever unacknowledged. Perhaps he should appreciate the days without owls more, for those are the days that the silence rang the loudest-- he hadn't screwed up, he hadn't embarrassed, or disappointed. Today, though....he had.

He didn't dare open his letter in the presence of company. With his water elemental abilities still being honed it was easy to let emotion cause slip ups. Some minimal, some a bit more dangerous. There was a time once in third year that he had nearly impaled his mate Apollo with a giant ice shard. He hadn't meant to, honestly. Emotions then...they were even harder to process with his abilities. They could look back and joke on it now, seeing as he wasn't hurt in the process. Though, it had taken two fifth year boys to pry the shard out of the dormitory door, and subsequently out of the caped portion of Apollo's robes.

Where he could go to read this now, he wasn't sure. Every place that he normal found was safe had been crowded and he was running low on places to go. He worked his way up and found himself at the end of the line. This was it; Astronomy Tower or nothing. Nys climbed the steps of the tower with the letter on hand, staring at the neatly pressed seal of his family's crest. He let out a heavy sigh as he reached the top, but as he looked up it turned more into a muted gasp. It was the last place for him to go and he had somehow overlooked the fact that this place, too, might have other students present.

"Oh, hello." He greeted gently, taking a few steps in the direction of the girl. She looked cozily wrapped with blanket and all, but it wasn't a warm sort of coziness coming from her. She seemed rather....sad. Pensive, maybe? "Are you alright, Ramona?" The voice of an elder brother came from him, the same he used on his sister Nan, and he couldn't stop it even if he had wanted to. It felt like an all too familiar question. One that he had asked Nan a million times over in their lives, but he cared about the things she hid inside her head, just as he cared about Ramona's now. He knew all to well about the monsters people had a tendency to give shelter to within the walls of their mind.

@mona | Outfit: Ravenclaw Robes | Notes:

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0