Time and time again

we fall in to the depths of who we are
But you can't keep running away
from what you're trying to find

Self-induced sorrow. That was a thing, right? Whenever life brings on the rain, why not try to drown yourself in it. That should be the motto of sixth year. At this point it would be rather fitting. Anything that could go wrong basically had and at this point he didn't even know what to do about it. His dad had been missing all year, without a single owl or note. To him, at least. According to Phief there had been one. Some secret one he hadn't told his youngest brothers about to keep from causing them upset during a trying time what with school and the epidemic and whatever. Dima wasn't sure that he believed his eldest brother. It seemed all to convenient for him to bring it up right when he was having his heart ripped out. Being told his father had regretted all his children and returned back to Russia, and sent for Bailey to join him, so that he could make things right.

He didn't know what to think or what to believe. His father who he had been so close to now hated him. Zoe's family hated him. They didn't want him anywhere near her, and neither did his brothers. It was hard to not let himself get down about what he was. All his life he had seen the whole purity thing as just some annoying thing his brothers tried shoving down his throat and now... Now he was wondering if it weren't somehow true. If he was some piece of shit mistake that didn't measure up to those of pure blood. Typically he could argue against those sort of intrusive thoughts. But over the past few weeks he had stopped trying to argue or fight them. If he was going to be sad he was just going to let it happen.

Quietly, of course. He had an obligation to act like everything was fine. Sure, he wasn't some high society pureblood but he still had an image to uphold and expectations set for him. He wasn't going to sulk about being forced away from Zoe. Not publicly, anyhow. But what he was prepared to sulk about was the fact that they had lost. They had lost. That was as sad as it was annoying and with all the pent up shit he had been harboring he was glad that they had dueling in Defense class later on.

In the mean time Dima was determined to stash away more angst if he could. So, naturally, he had wandered to the trophy room following his return from his internship. The trophy room with last years trophies, and the year before that, and surely this years once it came to pass. And yet another year would go by without the Ravenclaw name as a victor. Dima sighed heavily once he finally found the trophy for their last earned Quidditch Cup. His eyes darted from the dull trophy toward the figure that had come into his vision.

"Hey." His voice was quiet, but ringing with disappointment. The diminished shine of the trophy gave a hint at it's age and the more he looked at it the more disheartening it became. Dima let out another sigh before turning to Vet. "We haven't won a Cup since third year; If you can believe that." He could. They hadn't been lucky as of late, though they'd had a decent enough season so far. Hell, he was almost sure that he had seen Vet for practices more than he had seen her for damn near anything else. Today, however, Dima had figured he would see her. Their shared Defense class would be starting soon, just down the hall.There was a time earlier in the year they might have come to class together but as of late he had been keeping mostly to himself. Just like old times.

@olivette | Outfit: Robes | Notes:

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

When it came to Olivette and all the feelings she had been through in the past couple of months, she felt like she had been through a whole range of them. Her parents' separation had come out of nowhere but she could only suspect it had to do with the epidemic since it had followed shortly after they had both fallen sick. Now, of course, neither of them were better now but she had to believe that a cure would be just around the corner. Vet wondered if now that she was now 17 would that make her more susceptible to falling sick herself. But so far she felt like herself. She was grateful for that since it meant she could focus on Quidditch and her studies. The latter was more important as they would have exams coming up in a few weeks.

But she was worried about Dima. They had been best friends for so long and they spent so much time with each other (normally) that the could tell rather quickly when the other person was not feeling themselves. She knew that he had cared for Zoe and had possibly fallen in love with her too. He had never told her that so she could only make her own assumptions. She still had feelings for him but they had been suppressed for so long because she was certain he would never return and she didn’t want to hurt like that. It would cause too many problems with their friendship and she valued him too much to lose him.

Vet was going to be there for him with whatever he needed from her. It included to but not limited flying around the pitch with him, studying with or simply just going for a walk with him. She was just going to be his friend. She already resigned herself to telling herself that they would never be anything more and she was okay with that. She knew it may have hurt but not Vet, she did well when it came to hiding her emotions. That wasn’t always good but it worked more times than not for her.

They were only in this castle for a few more weeks and she didn’t know how Dima or how she would be spending her summer. They may see each other a few times but that wasn’t for sure yet. She wanted to check in on him because she knew the wizard had been spending way too much time on his own lately and she knew that wasn’t healthy. Everyone was entitled to some alone time but there had to be some limits she felt.

Sure enough she found him looking at the Quidditch Cup. If she could win that before she finished school, Vet knew she would make her parents so happy, especially her mum. She knew they were already proud of her for what she was doing with school and her internship but she wouldn’t stop trying to impress them.

”Oh, believe me, I know” the witch sighed as Dima spoke of their last Quidditch win being when they had both been in their third year. She wanted to win and so did everyone else who played the sport at the school. But they had one final year to get it all perfect and she would be training hard over the summer, whenever she could find the time. ”How are you Dima…...is there anything I can do for you?” They had class soon but she knew she had to ask him. She didn’t want him to feel like he was but she could very little to fix his heartbreak.

Words: 608

TIME AND TIME AGAIN

WE FALL IN TO THE DEPTHS OF WHO WE ARE
BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP RUNNING AWAY
FROM WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO FIND

Normally he hated sulking. He thought it was unproductive and a waste of time. Dima was mostly driven by productivity which is why this was so bloody annoying. Whenever he could he would try to distract himself with coursework or quidditch, but he simply didn't have the drive to want to deal with it right now. The Eagle was praying for summer more than he had ever prayed in his life. At least if it were summer he could shut himself in his room all day until he felt like doing something. He could walk through the halls or down a sidewalk without waiting to run into her. He could just get away from everything and everyone for a while...

But that wasn't what he wanted either. Merlin! He was annoying himself with this roller coaster of emotions. It was draining, and tiring, and he wanted off whenever possible please. He knew it was a roller coaster he had put himself on. He was the rider, he was the conductor, and he was the engineer. These were facts. The fact that he was at a low hill, also his fault. And he knew that too. As much as he hated the ride he knew that he would stay on it. Dima might have quite the skill set in pretending everything is fine and that he doesn't care, but he could never bring himself to not actually care.

There was a lot he couldn't bring himself to do. He had wanted to scream back in Alfred's face that it was Zoe's decision to be with him, not some purist rule or her family's choice. He ought to be thanking his lucky stars that he hadn't said that, lest he truly want to face an early demise. But Merlin, how he wished he did. He wished he would have stood up and said something. Anything. Every day after he wished he would have told her that he didn't care what they said or what they thought of him. He just wanted to be with her-- and he wished he would have told her that.

Instead he hadn't said much of anything at all to her or anyone about the whole ordeal. He had wanted to. The thought of telling Vet or Mona had crossed his mind countless times. Mona, however, was another person he was keeping his distance from. And Vet... He didn't know what she would think of it all. She was a pureblood as well and he thought that she could sympathize to the pure-with-pure plight. Whether or not she would sympathize with his end, he wasn't sure. Hell, he wasn't even sure he wanted anyone to sympathize with him. Just having it off his chest could do wonders, but he kept it there still. For what reason he didn't even know, but he did.

Dima nodded at her words. He knew she knew. He felt like they all somehow held that statistic in the back of their mind. It served to drive him most games, not that it was making a difference. Dima pushed himself to do the best and be the best but in the end they still didn't have a recent trophy in the case. He guessed that meant that apart from not being good enough for Zoe he wasn't good enough for that either. If there was only one thing in life he was good at, it was clearly throwing the best pity parties. Even if he only allowed himself in as the only attendee.

"Me? I'm fine," he said, though it was hardly convincing. It was a crack in the facade, one that he let slide simply for who he was talking to. Vet was one of his very best friends and if he were going to let anyone into his chaotic mind it would be her. Though he felt bad to do it. He didn't even want to be in his own head these days, let alone drag someone along for that ride. "I don't-- I mean, I'm alright. I don't think I need anything. What about you? Finals are coming up. Would you want to study or...something?" How does one outright say hello, yes, I'd like suffer at the hands of my own mind, care to join me? They don't. Simple as that. But an invitation to study it was...it was something. Something more than the casual deflection and subject change that it served as. 

@olivette | Words: 724

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0