Tour bus heart to heart

@caterina

Therapy had been going well enough, but the hum drum of it was so....boring. Van hated things like that. He didn't do boring. Not very well. Ever since he had lost his magic things had slowed down for his career and he found that it often made him feel worse. No amount of therapy could undo the void that he felt when he wasn't on stage. And no amount of therapy could ever match up to the release he felt playing his heart out on stage.

As of late he felt as though more of his heart was in the music than ever. Ellis liked to smuggly remind him that self recognition was a powerful drug, and for once he had to agree. Van had realized a great deal about himself in recent months. He had saw things from different angles and was trying to look at things in ways he never thought to look at them before. The topic of marriage, of course, had come up loads. But what he hadn't expected that cheeky bastard behind the clip board to bring up was the idea of children.

Van had detested the idea of having children for a very long time. Now he found himself having every strong sided argument against them questioned in such a critical manor that he...well, he wasn't sure what the hell he thought. Ellis thought it best that he speak to Cat. Calmly, reasonably, with an open mind. None of those things really pertained to Van at any given rate, let alone while on tour. But he trusted himself to give it a try. And he trusted Cat to see him through it. Almost as much as he found himself curious as to what she would say to him when sworn to brutal honesty.

On a tour bus... Now, that wasn't exactly how he had imagined this going down in his head. It was a serious conversation meant for a serious place. But, honestly, what better place was there? He was a wrockstar for Merlin's sake. This was his office. This was his life, and this conversation could or would possibly affect that....or be affected by that. He wasn't too sure how this was all going to go. 

Van strummed his fingers on the table as he sat studying his wife across from him. A few roadies shifted around the cabin and he waited for them to be well enough out of their space, his gaze following the last one down the aisle before returning to a casual recline. "I don't want to talk about this," he started out of the blue. The wrockstar paused taking the beat to lean closer across the table. His eyes wandered away under furrowed brows. "And I think you know exactly what I mean," Van's gaze drew back to his wife as he nodded, "But I think...considering everything. I think we need to." 

Words: 484

Four months to the day since he had found her in The Roadhouse, four months since they had agreed to try again because he had seen that he was wrong and was sorry. Four short months since the world had righted itself and she could not stop smiling. From Valentine's day on, they had not spent one night apart and if she had anything to do with it, they would never do so again. She had performed on stage, she had let the world and Van hear the secret that she kept from pretty much everyone her whole life. After all, a girl like her should never be on stage, she was a pureblood, she was a Shafiq and that meant more than anything else. She was not to be a disgrace to the family, and it was the one promise she had kept to her mother.

She had no idea what had changed, maybe it was the divorce or the fact that she had finally found her footing. Van did not control who she was, she did not need him to feel whole. She had gotten better and though letting go that night had been hard and she was sad because it meant saying goodbye to the one person that she loved more than anything else in this world, Cat had found herself back in his arms. They were going good and going strong and she had even been talking to her therapist about letting go with things that she had found herself wanting.

They had ruined everything and though he had cheated she still blamed herself for it all. Had she not pushed wanted kids, had she not wanted things that he was not willing to give...none of it would have happened and she could only ever blame herself for it. She didn't want to blame herself, but it was the how and why of it. She was taking a break from the studio, they had other producers and people who could keep things going while they were gone and she just wanted the time away with Van. The band was there too but she got time with her husband, they got a bed to themselves and just sleeping with him again her had to doze like a baby every night.

She kept her thoughts that lead to children to herself, had started the potion on a daily basis since they had been back together and never said another word about it. She didn't see the need to do so, not anymore, his point had been made very clear the last time. She didn't want the white picket fence, she never had, but the thought o having a little girl with her daddy's curls and her eyes were never too far from her mind. In any case, if they ever did... it would be years before she had the guts to bring anything like that up. She wasn't going to risk losing him again.

She had been looking over some contracts that had been owled to them, and was chewing on the tip of her quill as she read when Van spoke to he and she raised her eyes to his. She looked around and saw that they were basically alone at the table and she put the quill down and put her chin in her hand and listened to him. Her brows raised slowly when it clicked in her mind that he meant what he meant. "Oh... Oh!. " She was definitely shocked but she nodded her head. they did need to talk it.

"Are sure? Considering what happened last time?"

words 605

@caterina

He was to give this the good old college try. He was to let her speak her mind. Openly. Freely. Without her feeling like he was going to jump down her throat. The only jumping he could forsee was the way he felt as though he would jump right out of his skin. The very topic of this conversation could make his nails dig into the palms of his hands. Oh and how he could shudder at the thought of having children. Or, rather, having children that were to be raised as he was.

Ellis had pointed out that things didn't always have to be that way. Surprising, coming from a man of the upmost purist values. The only reasoning Van could imagine for him pointing it out was because he knew that the idea of duty was long lost on the Parkinson's eldest son. Van had never been one to follow the norms. He had all but rejected the culture in it's entirety and then by a sheer act of God had managed to end up in the same precarious position he had pushed away all his life.

He was married...to a pureblood woman. Another, from the Sacred 28. Merlin, if his father were alive he'd likely do a bloody back flip to hear such things. While his wife's blood meant nothing to him in the least he knew that it meant something to their world as a whole. It meant that they were to behave a certain way within their marriage. It meant they were to raise their children a certain way. Merlin, to have children was nearly their only God given task as purebloods wasn't it? 

Oh how his stomach churned at the thought. It was as though he was sixteen all over again looking through what was practically a bloody catalog of brides. Pick one, Vanny, and we'll set the wedding up in April. Don't we all love a spring wedding? By the Gods, how it made his skin crawl. But that... That was learned. His thoughts, the very ones making his blood boil and his cells squirm, they were taught. And not all that he was taught was true. Not all of it meant that he was doomed to do exactly as they had preached. He wasn't now, was he? He and Cat, pureblood marriage or not, they were still themselves. They were still living their lives in their own way. More now than ever. They didn't have to conform. Not if they didn't want to. And Ellis had tried to open the shades he had drawn on the topic of children. The same shades he had shut on marriage for all those years.

Van drew in a deep breath, steadying his emotions, trying to formulate some sort of mantra. If he could keep his mind open this could go well. Ellis had said so himself, this could be good, this could be... Even Cat recognized how terrible it could honestly go. And on a tour bus of all places. Not a lick of privacy, but that was OK. He was a wrockstar. There was no such thing as privacy, not since he had joined the band and not again until the day he died would he ever have that luxury. 

"I'm sure. If you're ready to dig this up with me, then let's dig it up." His smile fought a wince in the way one does when ripping off a band-aid. That was exactly what this was. It was a band-aid, one that covered the deep rooted problems they faced together. They could leave it on and pretend the wound wasn't there. Merlin knows it was easier that way. But it wasn't healthy and it wasn't right to put it off. "I'm gonna..." Van wrung his hands through his pause. This wasn't going to be so bad. This was going to go well. It had to. If he could keep control of his emotions, this could be a good thing.

"I'm going to try and keep civil this time," his dark eyes moved up to meet hers. "And I don't want you to feel like you have to say what I want to hear. Even if we're not agreeing. I just want your honesty...And if I'm being a twit just tell me and we'll... we'll drop it. We'll try again some other time. But I think right now....Right now is the time to do this." Van thought that it was true. He felt confident he could try and manage it now. Given a few days or weeks he'd surely lose himself to his doubts. He'd let all those rules and regulations he'd grown up by start dictating how he thought again. And he didn't want that. This was as clear as his mind could be on the subject. He hoped it would stay that way.

They had been here before, months ago, but it had been her with the discussion. She had been the one to bring it up and brought the world down around her feet. She had caused an explosion and a deep wound that still ached at times, even though she had done everything within her to close it, all it took was to hold her niece or nephews and it would all come back to her. It would all come rumbling back to her and she just couldn't let that happen again. She had her guard up and she would have to hide it, but this was not something she wanted to talk about, ever again. Her heart pounded in her small chest and she could not hide the pain that ripped through her.

This was never her plan. This was never what she thought that she would end up doing, or who she would end up marrying. She had been betrothed to Van's brother, she had cared about him and about Jaxon as much as she could have back then. Caterina Shafiq was not one who let emotions rule her, not one who did anything that she was told. She was a woman of her own mind and she would form her own opinions even if it would have to lead her to an early grave. Jaxon and Michael and she could have had something real, and good, but it wasn't love. Even when she tried to lie to herself and say that it was.

the connection that she had with van ran so much deeper, hurt so good, and even when she wanted to throttle him he somehow had a way of making her heart skip a beat that the others never had in their time together. She knew that she had hurt Michael when she had picked his brother and she would be forever grateful that he had allowed this, allowed them. She was so thankful that he wanted them to be happy, but she just wished that they could stop falling apart every time the talk of offspring was brought up. She was afraid that this would be a repeat of last time. What if this went bad? He was on tour and he could do much more than hurt her this time. He could hurt himself or someone else. It was a miracle that the baby that Chey was having wasn't his and the thought she adored Luxx, she had put up a wall with him on some level. It wasn't his fault, and she knew that, but she couldn't let the feelings that she had about Chey or any of the others blind her. It took two to tango and he was just as guilty as the women had been. After all, it had been public knowledge that she was his wife.

She ran her hand through her platinum-dyed locks and sighed softly. This didn't feel like a good idea, this wasn't something that she wanted to talk about, but he did so she would deal with it. Reaching her hand across the table and took his hand in hers, and looked at the joined digits, her thumb running along with his hand, the motion somehow pulling the stress from her mind. She didn't raise her eyes to look at him when she spoke, instead focused on their hands. "Okay." She said with a nod and then got up. She needed a drink, something to do with her hands or something.

Getting a bottle of water from the fridge she opened it and drank before coming back to the table and placed it next to the window. She wanted the words to fall out her lips easily, but the fear in her kept her from saying anything as she raised her eyes to meet his, heart thundering and blood rushing through her veins. If there was anyone who proved to her that she didn't have to be liked them, didn't have to be one of the ones who was forever unhappy with kids who were twats. She could be like her sister and her children. She could forge her own path.

"If honesty from me is what you're wanting from me Vaniel you know you almost always get it in everything. " She was going to just say it and just say it to him, even if it hurt her feelings and pissed him off. "I was really warming up to the idea before… before everything. I'm not so sure anymore though. If it came down to a child or you, you would be my choice. Every time." There she said it. She didn't say it fully, but she knew that it was clear what she meant.

words: 792

@caterina

This conversation brought out a lot of anxiety. Not just in him, but her as well. He could feel the tension in the room rise. The only tension they usually carried was of the sexual nature so this....this was different. Different, aye, but not new. There had been all too many arguments about this in the past. None of those had gone well. They had done well enough to avoid the subject as of late. It was easy considering they were both trying to rekindle what had fallen apart so quickly. It was easy to play nice, to not step on each others toes, but he didn't want that.

This was Cat. This was the woman that he had vowed before God and.....the country of Turkey to love until the ends of the Earth. And by the Gods he was going to because his heart didn't know any other way. When she looked at him he could feel it. Eyes closed, back turned, it didn't matter. When she looked at him he could just tell because her soul searched for him through those beautiful brown eyes. His own would always answer back. Through the darkest times and lightest moments, his soul would always search for her. 

That was a difficult thing about soulmates, he supposed, was that souls didn't give a damn whether or not the people attached to them were wholly compatible. On so many aspects they were, and on this one single topic they could just never see eye to eye. He had been trying though. Lately he had been trying to see it from a new perspective. Ellis could argue until the cows came home that his aversion was something of a rebellion he still clung to.

In a lot of ways he could see that. In other ways he could see how that old bastard was just running his mouth for the sake of purity. It was no secret that Ellis was that way. Some elitist puritan or whatever they were called these days. At any rate he thought that he should take the man's advice. He knew now what to look for, the triggers he held about certain topics. He wanted to know if this was a topic that tapped into that or if it were just a firm opinion he had made on his own.

Van watched as his wife released his hand, walking about instead and doing one thing or another. They were both good for this. Busying and distracting, it was a method they both used to cope and he found his leg bouncing beneath the table to do the same. A smirk drew on his face as she pointed out that she was usually always honest with him. "I know you are. It's one of the reasons I love you so much. You aren't afraid to call me out when I'm being an arse." A laugh blew through his nose. She certainly wasn't one to sit back and let him get away with such things. Even if it meant a fight or screaming match. In a way she kept him honest-- if only with himself.

"I don't want you to think this is between choosing me or a child." Van took in a heavy breath, his smirk having faded as he jumped into the severity of what they were discussing. "This is choosing between having children, or having none. Don't think about me, think about what you want. We could have no children or we could have... forty children and I could die tomorrow. Please don't let my presence to be a factor in your decision." Van's brows furrowed as he spoke, his gaze shifted down at the table. It would be easier said than done, he imagined, to discount his presence. He had made it abundantly clear in the past that his presence was hinged on whether or not they agreed on this subject. Now though he...he wasn't sure. He didn't know if he could or would even want to leave her no matter her answer. Imagining a life without her was impossible after what they had been through and the things he had felt.

Van's dark eyes rose to meet his wife. "You say when you imagine yourself happy it's with me. Well is it with just me...?" 

Words: 719

It was the thought of losing him again that made her feel as though her heart was going to be wrenched from her chest. It was the way that things had gone before that spread fear through her. Nothing pointed her towards her to thinking that this would be going well at all, and she didn't want to do this, she didn't want to talk about it knowing how badly things had gone before, but she would. She would talk to him about anything that he wanted to bring up. She would not raise her voice, but she would not back down either. This was the time that she needed, to be honest, and true with him, about all of it and there could be no grey area with how she felt, he wanted it all so she had to give it to him.

Van was the one person who had always brought out the best in her and the worst. He made her feel like everything that she did was the best and nothing that she could ever do would be wrong. She had seen a change in him since they had been back together, had seen him change in how he talked and walked. The darkness that had once been there looming in the background was no longer in his eyes and she hoped that he was happy with her again. He had given her the gift of bringing her home, and showing her that he had never given the papers. He had never given the papers up. He had never ended it and they had been married all along. It was something that she could not hide now. They were almost married a year and here they were twice or more in that time frame talking about having children.

Her mother called it doing her duty, but it was more than that. It was giving him a piece of herself that she could give no one else. It was holding a piece of them in her arms and knowing that she would do anything to protect them. She wanted that, but not just for her, for him. For them. A future, something to look forward to. For his father, for his mother. For the life that they deserved, together. She smiled at him before reaching across and cupping his cheek. "I'm not afraid to smack you once to get you to see sense." Though that did not work on all things and usually ended up with them making a mess of their room or the office.

He spoke and she stayed quiet, looking out the window of the bus as they drove, and stayed quiet letting him say what he wanted to before turning her head to look him in the eye. "My wishes have not changed in that, Van. I still want a child. Be it forty or one, I want a family with you, to raise them the way that we want, to follow their hearts. Your hair and my eyes or my hair and your eyes. I want to have someone to carry on our names, our lives, someone to make us proud and show that all of this isn't fo nothing. " She sighed and looked down at her hands before licking her lips. "But I am not immovable on it, and if we cannot agree on having them, I will be okay with not doing so."

words: 576

@caterina

It wasn't an option this time around to lose Cat. He wasn't going to run off and be as stupid as he was before. If anything he might run off and go pounding on Ellis door to get a bloody handle on himself. That was by far the largest leap he had begun taking since he had started therapy. He was starting to trust his ability to dissolve his impulses. The first thought to grab a bottle, or a spliff, or a woman had to be dealt with and not acted on. It was hard and it was taking time. There were still quite a few times that he decided the bottle was best, but they were getting fewer and farther between.

There were still things he did out of sheer enjoyment of course. He didn't think he'd get through life solidly without a shot of tequila every now and again. And Zora was far too convincing when she came by the studio with something to smoke. Times like that were OK of course. It was alright to indulge once and again, for Merlin's sake he was a bloody wrockstar. People ought to be happy that was all he did. It was a matter of doing it wisely, and without hurting anyone in the process. As Cat smiled at him and pressed her hand against his cheek he smiled back. Not as strong a smile as he could manage, but enough to say he wasn't going to crack under the pressure of this conversation. He placed his hand over hers, feeling the warmth of it spreading through him as it sent a glow in his chest.

He relished every bit of her these days. There was a time without it and he knew the pain that caused them both. He knew how cold their bed felt without her in it. Knew how lonesome being in a crowd could feel. Never in his life had he felt anything like it and he didn't want to again. Van grasped her hand with his own and planted a small kiss at the center of her palm. "You can smack sense into me all you'd like, so long as you promise to do it forever." A playful glint shone through his dark eyes as he kissed her palm again.

As she started to speak he released her hand, instead working both hands behind his head as he leaned back. He paused and reflected on her words for a moment. His lips swishing back and forth as he thought, finally biting at the side of his lip and sitting forward again. "I'm trying not to be immovable either, Cat. What you want is important to me. I just... I don't know what I want." That was the most honest thing he thought he could have said about it. He didn't know, he didn't know when or if or how he could know. All he knew was the fear even thinking of it rising up in his chest. She spoke sweetly about having children to follow their hearts, raising them how they wanted. 

Van sighed deeply as his dark eyes flicked back to his wife from their wandering and pondering state. "I know what I don't want. I don't want to do some bloody duty. I don't want to have kids because that's our job. Or they'll look cute. Or they'll carry on some legacy. I was supposed to carry on some legacy-- I don't want that for...any child." He didn't want to say their child, but that's what he meant. He didn't give two shits about what Sierra's kids were supposed to be carrying on, or what Donna's would eventually. 

"I don't want people barking up our asses if we don't fall in line. I don't want to bring a child into the world who'll be viewed as a disgrace. I've been there, and look where that's gotten me. Therapy every bloody week and a liver that's seen more bourbon than blood." His words struck soundly even through the shaking in his limbs. Hiding his sins was impossible, but it had always been so easy for everyone to hide how they had come to pass. It was easy to see him as a failure. No one gave a good goddamn how he had got to be this way. Van tucked his lips between his teeth, casting his gaze out the window of the bus. 

"If we were anyone else, Cat, I'd give 'em to you in a heartbeat." He had thought he'd have been shocked to hear those word. Shocked, really, to hear any semblance of giving in to this subject. But instead it felt...like something he had already known. There was a part of him that wanted that little piece of them wrapped and bundled against his chest. To see his wife's smile in two places at once. He wanted that, but... "But you're you, and I'm me. If we could just have another you, I'd do it a thousand times because the world needs more people as good as you... What I don't want is another me." 

Words: 854 (more than should be in a R/F Vaniel!)

It had all started when Cat's period had been late. She had allowed herself to hope, though she had not taken Van into account or what he would have wanted. It had lit that small spark of hope that one day she would have a child of her own, and it would not stop. Her heart had a wish now that she could not deny, though she would not compare herself to someone who was infertile, because it was a choice to not procreate, and that was one that they would have to live with. It was hard at first, thinking about not having them, but when she thought about always having Van in her life she knew what she would choose. She had lived without children easily enough, but she could not live without him or him without her. They had both seen this. So it would be as simple as if he did not want them, they would never happen. It wasn't worth losing them, and she could live vicariously through her sisters and sisters in law. It was enough, it would have to be.

She knew how Van had been raised, and though it hurt him deeply and left him with mental and emotional scars she also knew the way that she had been raised just as badly. She had been paraded around like she was chattel to be sold to the highest bidder since she had her first period. She knew that the past would always affect him, she knew that there was nothing that could change it, or change the way that things were. No one could go back and fix the things that were wrong with their world, but she would do everything that she could to make it better to make him better.

"I don't want that either, Van. I refuse to do that or to have that in my life. Any child we would have would be raised with one thing, love. That much I can promise you, and if you think for one second, bub, that I would let you, or anyone else make my child feel anything like that, you might as well just put that bottle to your head and pull the trigger. It's not about legacy or having them to carry on a line. Yes I think they will look cute, but I mean with two gorgeous mother fuckers like us as parents, how could they not!" She was being serious, but there was a smile on her face regardless, because that always made her smile. "The fact that our kid would have the same blood status as us means nothing. Case in point. The Weasleys are pureblood. Do they give a damn? Hell no. Do I? Hell no. Even if you were a muggleborn, Vaniel, I would want kids with you, because I fucking love you."

She sighed and drank from her water wishing it was something stronger. She needed something stronger, but she just couldn't. They needed to be sober for this conversation and she needed to keep her anger and her ass in check. Emotions could not get the better of her, she had to keep this together. She would not cry, she would not let herself cry, at least not in front of him. She stood and knew that her face had fallen before putting her hand out to touch his face again. "We aren't our parents, and we don't have to be. We don't have to pretend to be. You're Van Dario Parkinson, Wrockstar. You don't have to be anything more than wish to be, love. " She moved and sat beside him and put her arms around his waist and her head on his shoulder.

"The sins of our parents are not our own. You aren't Myles and if you think for one minute I am your mother and would stand aside while you treated our kids like that, or treated our kids like that you , my love, are dumber than you look. But, if you don't want them, then we won't have them. End of story. Just be prepared to have a lot of dogs. A lot of them." She said before sniffing slightly. She would not cry, damn it. She was disappointed, yes. Did it hurt, maybe a little. She wanted him to say that if it happened it happened. She wanted that small bit of hope, but it was fine. She could live without a lot of things, but she couldn't live without him in her life. Sos he would have to cope in the best way that she could.


Words :780

@caterina

The purist lifestyle was a fucking disgrace. No one knew that better than the people sitting in that very tour bus. Van knew. He had sorrows and cuts deeper in his soul than he could ever imagine explaining to anyone, let alone Ellis. Cat and Tib were no different either. They had all been raised that way. All their families sharing the same lunatic beliefs. They had all waged their own battles to be free of them, but somehow they never really were. Even with both his parents gone Van could feel the pressure all around him. It was only made worse by the fact that the one person on Earth he had ended up with was the epitome of the exact person they had always wanted him to be with. A strong pureblood woman with a damn good name and a pretty face. 

He didn't give a good goddamn about what the richness of Cat's blood was. All he cared about was her heart and how it beat only for him, and his for her. What sort of blood beat through it didn't matter. It didn't mean a goddamn thing... Except it did. When it came to this it did. If they had been to muggle folks wandering the world no one would have gave two shits about them being together. Nor would they if they were muggleborns, or halfbloods, or acromantulas. Not a single eyelash would have been batted at them. But because they were pure, and of the sacred, and themselves it made all the difference. 

Cat spoke her discourse on the subject and for a moment it was all he could do to keep from beaming at her. Instead he smiled into his fist and thanked all the Gods that this fierce little witch before him was his to have and hold for forever. "It'd be a fight everyday," he warned. "You're parents, my siblings, our whole bloody community's going to be rapping at our door wanting to shove their opinions down our throats. Not just ours, but our kids as well." They could do what they wanted to. There was not a single doubt in his mind, but with that came consequences. Merlin, was he ever the king of consequences. And that was fine, when he was the one suffering them. 

"I know you're sassy now," a hint of a tease rang through his voice, "but when we're 50? 70? 100? What then? Are you still going to want to pick this battle? Because that's what it'll come down to. We either do this our way or no way at all-- and it will always be a fight." It had been them versus the world before. In a moment of weakness they had both nearly lapsed into the lives they were bred to live and that thought plagued him now. The thought that one day it could happen again. That they might fall into the pattern they had tried so hard to escape. Not just them alone but with children to drag down with them. "You know I'm going to fight against this purist shite until my bones turn to dust in the Earth. I'll not be having sons with brides picked out before they can walk. And I'll not have my daughters being paraded around like a show ponies looking for a buyer. I won't do it."

Van drew in a long and heavy breath as he drug his hands across his face. She was right. He was not his father. He never could be and he damn sure never wanted to be. Especially to his own children. I long pause worked to clear his mind as his eyes searched through Cat's own. He knew what he wanted, he knew what they would have to do. All he needed was a promise. "If you're willing to fight for this, then I'll fight right with you. Hand in hand, fuck the blood, we do whatever we want--" he smiled, raking his fingers to intertwine with her own. "I want what you want. And if that's kids then... Then it's kids."

Words: 677

There were times when Cat felt like her life was out of control. Like everything that she did was out of her hands and there as nothing that she could do about it. There was always this voice in the back of her head telling her that she had made the wrong choices. She had hurt those that she cared the most about and it made her feel like an idiot sometimes. She had hurt Michael and likely hurt Jaxon. She had picked Van above all others because she loved him. She had made a choice to go against everything that she was told to do, everything that she had to do to follow her heart and it had ended up with her own broken. She was piecing it back together now, they were back together now and she was happy, if not feeling a little unsteady. She just wanted to spend the rest of her life making Van happy, making herself happy. She could not help the family that she was born into but she did not have to be one of them. She did not have to be like them. She could find her own way and forge her own path.

By choosing to let Van Parkinson back into her life after he had chosen to walk away she knew that there would be consequences. People would talk, they already did a bit this was a choice to fully go against the stream and she did it without hesitation. Her mother spoke to her, her father didn't. She had expected that though, but Alfred Shafiq was not Myles. He was not Heydar either. He would accept it and get over it and be back to calling her his little sweetheart before they knew it. She was not her parents, and she did not have to follow their word like it was law. She could make her own choices, and for good or ill this was the path that she was going to follow. If she lost it all then so be it, but the man who held her in his arms was her world now.

She felt complete and whole with him, and like nothing would ever harm her again. Life was like that though, sometimes the things that you need the most takes you from the people that are toxic and lead you towards those that will make your life better. Despite him hurting her by casting her aside, things were better now. They were better now, and despite them having this talk everything that had bothered them before was no longer like a cloud following them. "Like I didn't already know that, Bael. Isn't that something that Ellis said though? That the things that are the most worth having are the things we have to fight for?" She said before smiling up at him, her full lips pulling into her wide smile.

"Besides, they don't have to stay our community. We don't have to keep company with those people or keep them as our friends. Just like our families if they don't support us, we don't have to have anything to do with them, now do we?" That was much easier said than done, and she doubted they would ever be able to fully do that unless they left the country whenever this ban was raised. If it was ever raised. "Oh, I'll fight them all, even fight you if I have to. we had to fight to even be together, Van. To stay married, to even stay together. " She gave him a quick glare before continuing. "it is going to be a fight till the day we die, but it;s worth it. I would fight the gods themselves if it meant I could stay yours."

"I will not have my sons or daughters treated the way I was. They aren't furniture to be sold off to the highest bidder. My life will revolve around making them happy, not making them into the perfect pureblood princes and princesses. I mean look at Tiberius. He is far from perfect and look at his parents. He turned out to be exactly the opposite of what his mother wanted him to be and nothing like his father. They have the right to choose their own lives. Just like we did." Leaning against him she kissed his cheek and then put her chin on his shoulder. She smiled as he spoke and then grinned and pressed her head to his shoulder and then raised his head to look at Van before giving him a long kiss. "I love you."


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