It wasn't possible, it just wasn't true. She couldn't have done that to him. She wouldn't. Despite all this he had seen it, he had known that she must have moved on, and he had tried to do the same, but he had failed. From the looks of it she was happy, but what he had seen was the one thing that she had told him would never be possible. How could she do this? How could he still be so hurt by it? Part of Fenix knew that it was stupid to be this upset, but the part of him that had needed her, the part that she had tried to fix had always called out to her, and now it was gone.

He had been sober, a better man, a rock god. For what? She didn't want him. He wasn't good enough, now he knew that much was true. That was why he sat in the park, nursing a bottle of whiskey. Putting it down after draining almost a third of it Fenix picked up his guitar and began to play a song that he had written years before, when Seph had left the first time.

"I'm a broken man, I'm full of sin
I'm sick of all this hell that I'm livin' in
I can't escape it – this is how it feels
When you try to numb the pain with a thousand pills
You tore me down and wished that I was dead
Said you wanna sleep alone in another bed
But when I push you away, you only pull me closer
It's only over when we both wanna say it's over
I gotta change – this is not who I am
I wanna start over, wanna try this again
You're everything I need, everything I'm not
So pull the trigger give me one more shot

As he stopped strumming through the section he lifted the bottle to his lips once again. "What's the point of being sober" He asked himself before drinking.

@persephone

Persephone was finally starting to get more comfortable in her skin with how fast she was showing. She had apparently not realized how fast she would grow while carrying twins. She obviously knew that she would get bigger much quicker than a woman only carrying one baby, but it was still mind blowing. Breaking down and buying proper clothes had certainly helped. She could wear a handful of dresses she owned due to the miracle of stretchy material, but it had really been time for her to just give in. She wasn’t huge just yet, but her appearance certainly left no questions as to her being or not being pregnant. Thankfully, she had yet to have anyone try to touch her abdomen. She wasn’t sure exactly what she would do, but whoever attempted it would have one of the worst days in their entire life.

Even though Persephone had stopped doing active work as an auror she still stopped by the office to check up on paperwork and say hello to people she didn’t get to see often. It was just nice to get out of the castle, though she often found herself walking down to one of the training rooms to watch others spar or duel. She missed that part of the job, but she was sure her husband would not be amused if she tried to do those trainings, and she knew no one else would do that with her, either out of fear of actually hurting her or fear of being approached by Nikolai about it. When they had first gotten home from Russia their old boss had her doing training exercises for the department, and she had loved every minute of it.

Now that Persephone had left the Ministry she wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She wasn’t sure if she should just go home, or maybe just take a walk. The latter seemed more appealing. It was a beautiful day out, much warmer than what was normal for that time of year. She felt she would be mad not to enjoy the weather. She made her way down a winding sidewalk, glancing around at a few small children playing with their parents with a smile. For a moment she wondered just how young was too young to have a child on a broom. After all, the twins did have two parents that played quidditch during their school days. Her nose wrinkled as she smelled whiskey wafting through the air and heard music coming from a park bench nearby. She groaned, knowing that she really should try to get the man to leave when there were children about. She walked towards the bloke with long, confident strides, though she stopped abruptly when she saw his face. ”Haven’t learned your lesson, have you?” She asked coldly, remembering all too well what his alcohol consumption did to their relationship and now his life in general.

Outfit

Fenix scowled when he heard the voice that had spoken to him, and turned his head just slightly to see here before putting the bottle back where it had been before taking a drink and then continued to play the guitar. ”Is there something that you want, Persephone?” He asked, his tone hostile and angry. In his mind he had every right to be angry. She had promised to come back and try to work things out, and she hadn't. Now she was with some other bloke and up the duff and here he was clutching his pearls like a baby at the sea side. He played the tune that he had written, in a song that had been meant for her. Now it was slowly morphing into something darker, something new; much like the man who was writing it. He wanted this to be a time that they would talk and that he could understand, but fuck that.


There were many things that were left unsaid that Fenix had wanted to voice, but none of it mattered, he knew that and lingering on what had happened so many years ago was only keeping him from becoming the man that he should have been, that he could have been. To long he had lingered on what she had wanted, on the man that he wanted to be for her. Now all that remained were broken dreams of what they had been and the promises that were shattered like glass.


He picked up the bottle and took a long sip from it before leaning back into the bench where he sat. No matter what happened from here, he had the knowledge that he had been better, that he could be better again. He turned and looked at her, taking in her appearance before laughing softly. ”I would offer you some, but in your condition” He said it with an obvious sneer, anger showing on his face”it would not be advisable, would it? So, if it's not the drink that you want, do walk on. I don't have time for you to pretend you give a shit again before running off.”

Persephone had not expected to see Fenix the way he was in that moment. Sure she had seen that many times before, and that was one of the straws that had broken the camel’s back. She had hated that. She had never been a big drinker, she had only ever been completely sloshed once in her lifetime, and that funnily enough, was when she met her husband several years ago. The smell of whiskey made her feel queasy, though she wasn’t sure if she was just having an aversion to the smell because of the pregnancy, or if it was just the memories that came along with it that upset her stomach. She crossed her arms over her chest as she stared down at him, feeling herself growing more irritated by the minute. ”There are quite a few things I want, Mister Octurius. I doubt you’ll listen to them. As far as I can remember that never really mattered, now did it?” She replied stiffly. She knew he was angry, but he was also drunk and she did not like that combination.

She quirked an eyebrow at him as he finally looked up at her. It would be an absolute lie for her to say the sight didn’t bother her. All it did was cement the reason why they would have never worked. He needed help, and she was too exhausted to care anymore. She had her own problems to deal with. ”It is frowned upon for a woman to drink while pregnant. Brilliant deduction.” She added sarcastically. Her eyes narrowed at him as he continued. Merlin, she did not want anyone to see this. This would turn into a scene, and she felt it would be unfair to body bind him and drag him off in a public setting. ”I give a shit because there are families out here trying to enjoy their day together while a bitter homeless man sits about getting pissed.” She said sharply. ”I’d really prefer not having to force you back to whatever hole you just crawled out of.” She supposed she didn’t have a solid reason to be so cold, but seeing him in that state angered her more than she anticipated. He was killing himself, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to sit around and watch him do that.

He snorted and stood, cracking his neck. Oh, gods he missed pulling out the beast, he missed the fire that she had; but he missed the pure joy of just pissing her off sometimes so she would let out some of the stress. ”Well Mrs who ever the fuck you married, let's get one things straight. It has been almost six bloody years since you have dared to grace me with you presence, and you do not have the right to give a fuck any more. You lost that when you never came back. “ He said putting the guitar gingerly back in its case before turning to look at her. ”Secondly, fuck you. No letter, no floo call, nothing. After everything we were that is what I got, fuck all. “

He crossed his arms as he looked at her, looking all fucking sunshine and roses. Horse shit. Reaching into his back pocket he smiled and flipped her the chip that he carried in his pocket. ”I'm not homeless, thanks very much. I actually have rather nice flat, and not that you care, but this is the first drink I had since my Fiance died. “ He picked up the bottle, screwed the lid on and chucked it into the bin.

”There you go, now are you happy. Go back to your husband. You know for a moment, I thought it was funny that I smelled it but now that I can recall hearing you and he speaking Russian, I can understand why all I smell is Vodka and shame.”

She didn’t back down as he stood up and cracked his neck. She had no doubt that, even drunk, he knew how to push her buttons. Suddenly she began to wonder why just about every man she dated long-term, her husband included, liked to rile her up at times. Had Fenix not been so drunk, she probably would have asked, but she just wanted to get him out of the bloody park in one piece. ”Petrov.” She replied cheekily as he began to speak to answer his question on her last name. She sighed loudly as he continued, pinching the bridge of her nose as she often did when she was exasperated. It was a look that had become a daily occurrence at the end of their relationship as she had grown more tired of his antics. ”Fenix, did you think I went to Russia to party and have fun? No, I went there to work. I was barely able to even communicate with family while I was there.” She replied before looking back over at him.

Persephone easily caught the chip he had thrown her way and looked at it curiously before he spoke. ”I’d say, from the looks of it, that this wasn’t your first drink of the day.” She added coolly as she nodded to the bottle. ”I’m sorry for your loss, but the way you are acting is unacceptable. It’s childish.” She said, feeling somewhat upset that she was being so unfeeling outwardly. Being caring got her in trouble sometimes. It wasn’t like she could drag him home to get him to sober up. It might make for amusing conversation as her husband got home to see some drunk man on their couch that she had to admit was her ex. Nikolai would never let her live that down, though mostly from his amusement of the situation. ”So stalking me now, are you?” She asked casually, refusing to acknowledge his jab at her husband’s nationality.

Fenix ran his tongue over his teeth, making that sound that he found so damned irritating. He was being a gobshite, but he didn't care. She had earned his ire and would be given every damn bit of it. "Right, then piss off Mrs. Petrov. Get fucked, burn in the hell that you have built yourself., becuase I honestly don't need or want you to baby me. I'm not good enough, that much is clear to me now. You want a suit, and I'm just a lowly little shit. So,go home to your husband, you have him to baby and piss off for the rest of his life, leave me the hell alone. "He picked up the guitar case and too a few steps towards her, so that he could walk past her. As he did so he stumbled and nearly fell. Reaching out he put a hand on her shoulder to steady himself.

Sighing Fenix looked at her with spite in his eyes. "It doesn't matter it was the first of the last, does it?" Pne of the hardest parts for Fenix was finding it all out. He could have lived out the rest of his life happy and never knowing what happened to her. He could have never seen her again and gotten married and then died surrounded by his children, but instead here he stood and it was just like finding out that Superman wasn't real when he was a child. A complete and utter disappointment. It wasn't even that she was married, or that she was pregant; she had chosen someone else, and he had waited for her. Willingly put his heart on hold when his friends and band mates had told him that this would happen. Just like they had said that he and Calliope had a problem and needed to stop drinking.

Well, no more, the blinders were off and he had to start afresh. He could, and would recover from this, but it was all a matter of how. Though, with as drunk as he was, he highly doubted it would be gracefully. Standing up to his full height he swayed but he looked the woman in the eyes. "You want this to be easy, you want it to be better? Just give me one reason why you chose him and not me, any reason. It doesn't matter what it is. Just one reason why I am not, nor ever was good enough. "

Persephone’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he made that gods awful noise with his tongue running over his teeth. It often made her want to slap them out of his bloody face, but she would try to stay composed, which was quite a feat those days. If she wasn’t having a break down about everything she inadvertently broke when she was angry, it was crying over the fact that her tea was too hot to drink straight away. It was not an exaggeration, though she hoped no one saw these little episodes. She would deny them anyway. ”A suit? Honestly, you are being ridiculous.” She replied with a shake of her head, stifling a laugh about his comment about her husband being a suit. ”I’m fairly certain my husband got that memo on me pissing him off the rest of his life years before he married me.” She added before stepping off to the side to reach her arm around his middle pulling him into her side to steady him as he started losing his balance. It wasn’t anything that hadn’t already been ingrained into her head after the years they had been together. It was a natural reaction and it irritated her now, just as much as it had back then.

”Oh would you stop already.” She quipped readjusting herself in order to brace herself for him actually falling onto the ground. If he was going down he wasn’t about to take her with him. He was bigger than her, but she knew how to handle all of this, after years of being his girlfriend. This was sad, and utterly embarrassing for both of them. She hoped he wasn’t drawing too much attention. This was not what she had planned for her afternoon. She wondered if maybe she shouldn’t have just gone home to change into some more comfortable attire, and lounged around grading papers. That sounded much less painful than this. She sighed as she looked over at him when he asked his next question about what made her choose Nikolai over him.

She wasn’t sure how he couldn’t see just why things would have never worked at the rate he was going. She made sure to look at him as she took a deep breath before beginning to speak to him, though she hadn’t loosened her grip on his middle for fear that he still might topple over. ”Nikolai and have been through a lot together. We both have very demanding jobs. Our schedules are extremely hectic. There were times over in Russia where we may not have seen each other until night, and that was normally just to go to sleep and restart the cycle in the morning. Even with that all of that going on, not even once has Nikolai ever put anything before our relationship, even when things got really tough.” She paused hoping he would let that sink in. Fenix had chosen partying and drink over their relationship, and that was something she wouldn’t accept. There were several other reasons she could give Fenix, but this had seemed like one of the better ones.

He shook his head as he called her ridiculous and let out a soft chuckle. He wasn't being rediculous, he was being realistic. He wanted to push her away and stalk off but he was in no condition to do that, he knew that as he swayed on his feet. ”I think every man that you ever meet knows that, love.” He said before smirking and quirking a brow for a moment. It had been a fun game for him, to piss her off and get her riled up then take it out in the bedroom. Their sex life had been fucking massive, but it was everything else that he had done to hurt her, and he knew that, but that didn't change anything.

He blinked at her as he waited for her answer and then braced himself for the answer, because he knew that it was going to hurt. It all hurt, she hurt him just by being there, but it wasn't fresh it was more the echo of an old wound coming to the surface. A reflection of what he had wanted for them. He had put his job before anything else. The touring, the drinking, the women. It had all come before the relationship with her, and it was all his fault. He was the reason that they had fallen apart, and the reason that hse had said that she didn't want a future with him. He couldn't tell her but he thought that she looked beautiful. How could she not? The soft swell of her stomach, the glow of her skin, the happiness that seemed to emulate from her. The latter being something that he never saw in her when they were together.

He closed his eyes as she said the words that he knew were coming and he licked his lips before opening his eyes and locking his eyes with hers. Guilt ran through him and he knew that she was completely right. She was with someone that needed her as much as she needed them. It was a partnership and not a co-dependency. He nodded and swallowed thickly before sighing and nodding once. ”You're right. Of course you're bloody right, you always have been, haven't you?” He asked before looking at her and moving his hand down her arm to take her hand. ”I know it doesn't count for anything, Persephone, I'm sorry. I did love you, but I'm flawed and not the man that you needed, no matter how much affection and love was there, that wouldn't make things right. You're happy, I can tell, and I am grateful. But if that wanker ever fucking hurts you, and I get to him before you do, you will have his bollocks on a platter, yeah?” He said giving her a small smile.

Moving in to kiss her cheek he swayed a little and missed, instead kissing her lips. It only lasted a moment and he leaned away. ”Shit, I didn't mean to do that.” he would have blushed if his face was not already red faced from the liquor he had been imbibing.

Persephone had loved Fenix. She obviously wasn’t going to lie about that. She wouldn’t have stayed with him for that long if she hadn’t. He had put her through the ringer which she supposed was what pushed her to date men the exact opposite of him. She couldn’t stand the drinking, the late nights, the women that clung to him. It was something she had refused to tolerate any longer. It was that reason that she had gravitated towards Kurt. He was a Ministry bloke, but he did care a great deal about her. She had cared deeply for him as well. Even though Kurt had tried to be her everything she dropped him just as abruptly. She wasn’t sure she could ever forgive herself for the heart ache she had caused to either one of them.

She glared as Fenix called her ‘love’. She didn’t do pet names, and she certainly didn’t want him to feel comfortable with her in that moment. She was pregnant, emotional, hungry… Merlin she was hungry. She wondered if she could get a cake delivered to the Estate later… Persephone quickly pulled herself from her thoughts. Had she not been standing there with Fenix she probably would have laughed at how much her thoughts jumped around. But the point was that she just didn’t have the patience for Fenix at the moment. Persephone did not like being touched unless she initiated it. Well, she supposed there were people that didn’t really need her permission ahead of time. She narrowed her eyes at him as moved to hold her hand.

For a brief moment she wondered if she should just drop him flat on his face, but decided against it for the time being. She listened closely as he spoke, thankful that he understood why things wouldn’t have worked. Granted, this wouldn’t have been such a big deal if she hadn’t slept with him right before she left for Russia. ”I doubt he will. I know too many people… and he’s well aware of that.” She replied to his comment on Nikolai hurting her. It was true. She certainly did have her own connections in the area. Persephone was finally starting to relax slightly as it seemed like this wasn’t going to turn into a huge ordeal. That was not to last as he leaned over and his lips met hers. Without even blinking she quickly stepped away and released him, hoping he fell on his bloody face and, at the very least, broke his nose.