Save us,
What we are,
Don't look clear,
It's all uphill from here.

outfit - @matilda

He had told Tilly that he would be out all night, over dinner. He had work, and while he had never really told her what kind of work he did it was clear that it wasn't exactly legal. Werewolves couldn't get legal jobs, it was too much of a risk for them. Thankfully he got paid well -with the kind of things they asked him to do, they better- so he didn't have to work all that often. Not really. He did work a lot but mostly because he had nothing else to do and he wanted to save money for a rainy day. Now, Tilly was home, and while he didn't want to crowd her he did want to spend time somewhere close. Just so that she didn't feel alone. She'd been alone too long as it was and he wanted her to understand that he was here for whatever she needed. Still, he did need to work sometimes. If he turned down too many jobs someone would think he was getting out of the business, and then no one would want to hire him anymore. Assassination jobs were rare, and to be honest he preferred not to take them, but when he was tight on money and short on time, they were useful. Nothing put your name in criminals' mouths quite like killing for a living, as unpleasant as he might be. He took no pleasure in it, in fact he hated it, but by now he was used to it. Benton did teach him to do what he needed to do to keep himself afloat, and to provide for those who relied on him.

The job had taken longer than he thought it would. First finding the target, then scouting the place, then getting a good enough grip on the situation to get in and do the job and then get out and clean it up. Of course he'd been tracking the man longer, every few days even if it wasn't constant. To get a good read on him. By the time he was done the sun had already come out a while ago and he figured he better get home quickly. He hadn't gotten too bloody, nothing a cleaning charm couldn't get rid of. His scars were even hidden, the usual temporary spell covering them well enough. It would be more suspicious to go around with a jacket on when they were in the middle of summer. No, that was not a mistake he'd made in a while. So he hurried back home, stopping by a bakery on his way there to fetch some pastries for breakfast. Tilly ought to be awake by now, and he didn't want her to worry so he aparated to the entrance of the building and hurried to the first floor. Opening the door with his key, he stepped inside and started slipping off his shoes.

"Tilly, I'm back," he called out, walking to the kitchen. "Sorry I took so long, but I brought pastries for breakfast. Have you already eaten?"

Matilda couldn’t believe it, but for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was somewhere she belonged. She never imagined she would have that feeling again. Ever since she had been turned, no matter where she went, she was an outsider, isolated, whether by her own choice or society’s standards. She couldn’t return to her family after she had been turned; she would only be a burden to them. She had lived on the streets then, isolated by her own choice and by society’s view of werewolves. It had been a dangerous time for werewolves; the Werewolf Capture Unit ran rampant, and Matilda was no stranger to hearing whispers about the horrible things that happened to werewolves at the hands of the Ministry. She had been afraid. She was an outsider, alone by necessity.

She had bounced around for a bit after that. She had gone to the orphanage, but she had to leave when Cassidy left; there was no way she could stay. She had been with Nick briefly, and then she had lived at Davina’s apartment, and then back at school. The Death Eaters had taken power, and she was, for all intents and purposes, safer. But no matter where she went, she hadn’t belonged. She was a wolf among humans, always different, always a burden, always an outsider. She couldn’t avoid it. Here with Cass was the first place she didn’t feel like one, or at least less of one. He was like her; he and Niles took care of her, and they were like her. They understood. Could you truly be a burden to those who understood what you went through and accepted you anyway? She still questioned it, but she felt better here than she had in a long time.

Matilda even had her own room in this apartment. She felt bad that she did… Cass had different wolves here a lot, like Jo. But she was too nervous to be around most of them. But Cass took care of her, and she was grateful for him. She had just woken up and dragged herself out of bed, pulling on a sweatshirt, when she heard Cass’s voice. His voice had become a comfort to her, and she was always relieved when he returned from the night safe and sound. She figured what he did wasn’t legal...but she had to trust him to do it. She opened her bedroom door and walked out, pushing her hair back. The sight of him was even more relieving than the sound. “Hey,” she greeted him. “I just woke up. Are you okay?” She always asked when he got back just in case… She hardly figured he’d tell her if he wasn’t, but she always asked anyway.

His own lycanthropy hadn't been his first brush with the condition, though this was something nearly no one knew. He always referred to Benton as his sire, the sire that died in captivity of the Unit, the one that had taught him everything he knew, but Benton wasn't the one that bit him. Only Alex and Niles knew this, and only Niles knew who the one was that truly did bite him. Cass never told him what happened to his father, but the fact that he was no longer alive was not hard to guess. Those years did a lot to build a deep hatred inside him. For lycanthropy, sure, because he could see it tearing his father apart every full moon, but mostly for the Ministry. Cassian was not one to hate, he was a gentle person and he liked taking care of others. Still, there was no other name for the feeling he got when thinking of that institution. After all, it was because of them that his father couldn't work anymore. It was always either their hatred or their apathy, and while he had made peace with the general populace's neutral-at-best approach to werewolves... it had taken a while. The thing was that his father felt useless, like a burden, but there was nothing he could do and he couldn't bear to leave his wife and son behind. So he ended up how he did, drinking to a point in which he forgot his potion, biting his son and then killing himself for the shame and regret of it. Cass didn't blame him, Cass blamed the Ministry's approach to their condition. For his father, and for himself. After all, he hated having to do these violent jobs, but in the end... the last time he'd wanted a regular job his colleagues had figured out what he was and ratted him out to the Unit. Despite the Unit not being functional anymore, he couldn't bring himself to get one. Physically couldn't.

So he ended up with this, working at nights, sometimes for days, on violent actions that left his stomach churning. Providing for Niles -and now also for Tilly- made it worth it. He liked helping, and these pups had needed his help. Of course, Teddy came over pretty often too. The poor kid was stuck in that big house alone and his grandmother was... well. Then of course there was also Josie, who stopped by pretty often. She wanted to move in, and while they had the extra bedroom for another female guest there was now someone else to take into consideration. Tilly didn't like too many people, she got anxious, and Cass had decided that the mental peace of a teenage girl with nowhere to go was far more important than the casual comfort of a grown woman. Later on they would see if it was possible, but there was no hurry now.

"Not a scratch on me." He smiled at the girl and stepped closer, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving her a swift one armed hug. Nothing too much, because while he was a pretty tactile person when it came to people he cared about, he knew she needed time to grow accustomed to him. Niles was a chatterbox, sure, but he wasn't so touchy. At least not with just anyone, just with Cass. "Got some things for breakfast," he said holding up the paper bag. "How about some tea with it? Did you sleep all right?" He moved them to the semi-open kitchen, placing down the bag and taking out the pastries to put on a plate. Then he started on setting the kettle.

It still felt surreal to Matilda to be here. She had never imagined something like this happening for her, but then again, she had never imagined much of anything. Most of her life had been focused on survival, just living until the next day. Notions of the future were distant and unfamiliar, mostly because she didn’t think she had one. She had tried surviving day after day, but most of the time, she didn’t know what for. She was inevitably going to get captured by the Ministry or die of some other cause. Survival instinct was enough to keep her alive, but not thrive. She thought she had no future. She occasionally thought about it...but she shut down those notions pretty quickly because they only saddened her to think about.

This was the first time Matilda truly had a notion of the future, and one that didn’t look absolutely bleak. It had started back in Hogwarts, when she was able to think about more than just the next day considering she was taken care of on a daily basis, had food and a place to sleep. She even had a friend, she had Kit. But still, thoughts of the summer had loomed over her head and once again made it hard to think about the future. But then she had found Nick, Cass had found her, and she had a place to go. It was still odd for her to think about… She had a place to live over the summer, here with Cass and Niles, and she had a job at Nick’s shop to actually do something for herself. When September came back around, she’d go back to Hogwarts and see Kit and be completing her education. On holidays, she’d come back and see Cass and Niles, and maybe even Nick. She had something. It was more than she had ever had.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best Matilda ever had and she probably ever would have. She was happy with it. Sometimes it was hard… She still fought feeling like a burden, still fought the anxiety of new people, even new wolves, but Cass was kind enough to take her in and she didn’t want him to regret that. Matilda gave a small smile as Cass said he didn’t have a scratch and gave her a hug. It was just a one-armed hug, and it still caused her to jump sometimes because she wasn’t used to physical touch. She knew Cass was cautious for that reason, but sometimes she wished he wouldn’t be. Sometimes she thought she just needed a hug, that it would make her feel better, but she wasn’t about to say so. “Good,” she said. “Some tea sounds great.” She pulled out a chair and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them. “I slept...okay, I guess.” Matilda had never been an easy sleeper, and since she was still getting used to this place, it was hard for her to sleep through the night and not wake up with nightmares. She was used to it...

Cassian had always been a caring person, though unfortunately he had been forced to limit that very early on. He now tended to take it all out on stray wolves he found around the country. Tilly was still a child, despite being of age, and he couldn't really help himself when it came to looking after her. She needed a place to live, she needed food to eat, she needed someone to be there and give a damn. Cass could do that, Cass wanted to do that. She was a good kid, bright and sweet, and she deserved to have some place to go and people to rely upon. It was an unfortunate fact that her fate was a very common one when it came to teenage werewolves, but at least he had found her on time and brought her here. She had been afraid at first and he didn't blame her, but thankfully she trusted him now.

Tipping a few spoonfuls of tealeaves into the teapot, he then placed the little strainer on the opening and waited for the water to finish heating itself up. In the mean time he placed two cups on the table and two little plates, motioning for her to grab at the pastries if she wanted. "Any improvement?" He could hear her tossing around and waking up terrified, sometimes, on the nights in which he was here. He never went into her room, thinking that him being around her at those times might distress her more, but he could hear it. Not only were the walls pretty thin, he had sharpened hearing. Every time, he would wait until he heard her fall back asleep before allowing himself to drift off. If she truly wasn't okay, he didn't want to be asleep. Not if she could need something.

The kettle started singing and he turned of the stove, pouring the water into the pot before carrying it to the table. There he poured them each a cup and took his own seat. Wolves, when healthy, ate more than the average human he had found. While he didn't know much about the healing side of things, he thought it had something to do with the shift. The breaking and reconstructing of the body took a lot of energy, beside being painful, and the healing that came with it even more. Once the body was used enough to it he had found that their natural healing process was somewhat quicker than humans', but they had to be in perfect health for that. "Niles won't be back until midday, and Teddy might drop in during the afternoon. I think you might know him from back at Hogwarts, Teddy Lupin? He's always been a sociable kid. I can also tell him to come another day instead, if you prefer." He shrugged, grabbing one of the pastries and taking a bite. "I thought that if you needed anything from the shops around, we could do that all before lunch if you wanted. You said that friend of yours had a job for you?"

Matilda wasn’t sure why Cass treated her so kindly. In theory, she supposed she understood. After all, he was a werewolf and he understood what she went through. He knew how difficult it was, and he didn’t want her to go through it alone. But she supposed it was harder to understand in practice. No one had ever been so kind to her before, and it had been that was for so long that she had conditioned herself to believe she didn’t deserve such kindness. Perhaps Matilda’s impressions were delusional, or perhaps Cass was simply too nice. Matilda wasn’t sure which theory was correct, but whichever it was, she was glad Cass had taken her in the way he had. Coming out of Hogwarts, she had been a wreck. If it weren’t for Cass, she’d be with Nick, and while she cared for Nick and trusted him, she knew she would feel like a burden to him. She didn’t feel that way with Cass, at least not as much; he understood her.

Matilda was still getting used to this place. She was still on edge, still feeling out the situation. She had accepted that she was no longer in danger; if Cass or Niles had been tricking her or wanted to hurt her, they certainly would have done so by now. She didn’t worry about that anymore, not really. Rather, she was trying to understand what it was like to live in an apartment. She had lived in Davina’s apartment, but that had merely been a shelter. Cass and Niles seemed to be trying to make this a home to her. She had a bed to sleep in, a roof over her head, and Cass would bring her pastries and serve breakfast. Niles sometimes made her tea in the evenings. She often looked around at the four walls surrounding her and wondered how she had ended up so lucky to be here. It wasn’t much, but it was the world to her.

Cass, though, he was more than enough. He cared for her when no one else would, understood her and cared for her despite the damage she had incurred. She was still getting used to it… He was cautious around her, which Matilda understood. She was skittish, after all, always jumping and looking over her shoulder. The nightmares were still coming, and she often woke up in the night in a cold sweat. Sometimes she wished Cass would just come in and sit by her, touch her, or hold her just so she knew he was there. She was so tired of being alone… She shrugged slightly as she watched Cass put tea in the teapot. “I guess…” She didn’t want to tell him it was getting worse. She reached gingerly for a pastry and took small bites out of it, still hugging her knees to her chest. Was it cold in here, or was she nervous? She couldn’t tell her. She was overwhelmed by Cass’s assertion of what would happen today. “Oh...uh, okay.” Teddy Lupin...she remembered the name. “You’ll be here, right?” She didn’t want to be here alone… “The shops sound good. I...don’t work today. Nick said I could come in tomorrow.”

Getting Tilly here and helping her accommodate to living with them had been nerve wrecking. Cassian wasn't easy going when it came to safety measures, he really wasn't. The movements of their neighbours were carefully written down on a time table beside the door so they wouldn't go out or come in when they could run into any of them, there were points around the apartment which were marked as safe to aparate to, and aparating to the building was completely out of order. The apartment had wards around it and triple locks on the doors, and the windows only opened partially. The entire place was sound proof, and he had a box in a post office for letters. Owls were not allowed to come here directly. Their bathroom had enough healing ointments, potions, and ingredients to rival the hospital's apothecary, and he had thirteen caves around the country that were also supplied with food, clothing, survival necessities, healing equipment and covered in wards. Cassian was a paranoid person, he was a protective person, and generally... he was terrified. Generally, that was what happened when one's moderately paranoid sire -nothing compared to Cass' current state- and one were betrayed and taken in by the Capture Unit to be examined -tortured- for Merlin knew how long. Cassian had his reasons, and the fact that Tilly was a werewolf known by the school and had so many human friends set all his alarm bells ringing. Did he say anything about it, though? No, because he wasn't that much of a jerk. Alex had pointed out she may be a security breach to him, but Cass had told him he could handle it. Could and would, because the kid needed a home and he wasn't about to turn her away.

"Of course I'll be here. Known Teddy since he was bitten, he's a good kid. A bit loud and overly enthusiastic, but kind and harmless. He stays here sometimes, as you can see I like to take in wolves when they need it. He'd got his own place but a large, empty house is no place for a boy to constantly be. He's pack, too." Taking a sip of his tea, he considered the food for the rest of the day. The pastries were good, but they would need lunch. Yes, wolves ate a lot, but these days he'd had to refrain from giving Tilly health supplements with her food. She was a tiny thing, so fragile and pale. Especially compared to Cassian, who probably hadn't been small a day in his life. Not in comparison to others as a child, and now not in any way now. He was something of a giant, and his work and constant running through the forests had left him with a strong and hardy build. It sort of unnerved him, therefore, to have someone so delicate in his care. Not that she was fragile, since she was a werewolf and survived the very painful full moons until now, which counted for something. He was always painfully aware of the difference in strength, however, and how it might look on the outside. Thankfully, with their light skin, dark hair, hazel eyes, and high cheekbones, they looked enough alike to pass as siblings. Otherwise people might be worried to see a large, hulking man with his arm constantly around a terrified looking girl's shoulders. He found it hard to let go while in public, both for her safety and for reassurance of her presence. She was his responsibility. "All right. We'll go pick up some things in Diagon Alley, then. Nothing major, some teas for Niles and a new sneakoscope for another cave I'm setting up. Anything you will need, Tilly?" He'd go with her to the shop tomorrow, check it out. Sure, this Nick was her friend but... he was human. It was a human that turned him and Benton in. Founded on nothing, on a single traumatic experience, was his prejudice. Still, Benton was dead and Cass carried the scars. He couldn't help it.

Matilda knew her life had turned into one big risk. Between living on the streets, the orphanage, going to Hogwarts, and trusting Cass, her life had culminated into a series of high-stakes risks. Luckily for her, none of them had ended up too terribly. She learned a lot from each one, and she finally felt safe. But she knew her tumultuous history put Cass at risk as well. She had been through the ringer through the years...but she had come out the other side. She hoped she posed less of a risk than she did before. After all, many of the people who had detected her before were out of her life. Cassidy, for example, and Davina. None of the students at the school were clued in to what she was, only the professors, and while she knew she got a few dirty looks, no one really seemed to care all that much. As long as she stayed out of trouble and got potion so she didn’t pose a threat, the authorities didn’t seem to give a damn about her. That was fine; it meant they wouldn’t follow her, wouldn’t contact her living family, or do anything at all to see that she was cared for. She had figured that out for herself, and right now, she was in a good situation.

The only two remaining humans who knew of her condition were Nick and Kit. They had both sworn to her their secrecy, and if the authorities really didn’t care about her, she figured she was in the clear. If she kept her head low and just continued to exist, they would glance right over her. That was what she wanted. It was what she needed to keep Cass and Niles safe too. They had been kind enough to take her in. She wasn’t going to let her history make them regret it if she could help it. Matilda nodded as Cass said he said he would be here; that was a relief. She made a face at the name...Teddy. He had thrown it around a few times, but she recognized it. “Wait...Teddy…” she repeated as she shifted her gaze up to Cass. “I knew Teddy. He went to Hogwarts. We were friends in our first two years, we were both really outgoing, and then...he’s a werewolf now too?” She couldn’t he’d had such an unfortunate fate like she did. She brought her attention back to the present moment and sipped her tea, finally unfolding from herself and putting her feet on the floor again. It was her defensive stance, to curl in like that, but she knew she didn’t need to around Cass. “I could use a few books at the shops,” she said. “Maybe some tea. Do we have enough salve that I could take some back to school?” she asked. If they didn’t, she would get some while they were out as well.

Cass tried to teach every werewolf that passed through his care some things, because while they always somehow seemed to land on their feet it didn't mean that they magically learned how to be careful. He taught them how he set up his caves, how he went about finding them and the specially designated apartition spots and the protective enchantments. He taught them how to keep a healing cabinet stocked in every one of them, including their own apartment, which salves and herbs and potions were essential to always be stocked up on. He made sure they knew how to avoid making noticeable behavioural patterns that could be used to track them down and how to hunt for food in case they needed to disappear and the canned food ran out. When werewolves ended up in his care, he tried to make sure that even if they left, they wouldn't be helpless or at risk. Some didn't want to learn, some wanted to live their lives as if they were human and pretend that they weren't constantly at risk. He... tried to compromise. He knew that some people wanted to keep their human ties, they couldn't cut everyone off just like he had. He preferred it when they took Niles' approach, though. Niles had told his parents that he was bitten, that he was being taken care of by his sire, and that they had to see each other much less. He visited his parents about once a month but his main family was pack. Not many werewolves did that, most werewolves didn't even take the necessary precautions. As if the Ministry no longer actively hunting them down meant they were safe, as if that meant that humans couldn't just act out on their prejudices and harm them without any legal repercussions. It was... mad.

"Teddy Lupin? Yeah, he was bitten by my alpha about... a year and a half ago. He's pack." Cass held out the plate of pastries for her to take one and then put it down on the coffee table. Teddy was a special case, technically. He took safety precautions, because Cass had practically hammered them into his head, but he was too enamoured with his human life still. He was too close to his human family even though Cassian thought it was safest to cut his losses when it came to Andromeda and the Potters. Teddy still wouldn't let go of the weekend, some moons he even went to the Weasley uncle of his instead of coming with the pack which, to Cassian, was like a slap in the face. It was fine that he trusted his family, but at a certain point Cassian thought that human ties were best cut off. He was a werewolf now, not human. They didn't belong with humans and humans didn't belong with them. Though, of course, he would never say that. He would never force Teddy or anyone to cut off ties, he just strongly advised it. "Books then, we'll stop by a few libraries. As for the salves..." he took a sip of his lip, making mental calculations. "I've got some surplus in various caves, just in case. It's more than the planned amount, though. I can collect the extra containers and bring them over. Should be enough for the rest of the year but I can still send more via owl if you ever need some."

Matilda pulled her tea closer to her and cradled it in her hands, pulling her legs closer to her body as well. It was a habit that she had for a long while now. It made her feel smaller, more invisible, and safe. It was like pulling herself closer would protect her, like she was physically holding herself together. She recognized she was doing it now more than she had before. She figured that was because it had always been automatic, it had always been a way she felt safer, but here...she was safe. She recognized she was, yet the habit was hard to break. Cass had proven ten times over that he was trustworthy. He was taking care of her, after all, he was the person she needed when she had no one else at all. Everyone else had abandoned her in some fashion. She was a risk. She was a hazard. Yet Cass cared for her anyway.

Matilda slowly released her legs away from her body. It was a very intentional motion, but she had to untrain herself. She looked at Cass and took a sip of her tea. “Am I ever going to meet our alpha?” she asked. She heard Cass speak of him a lot, but she had never seen the man before. Teddy, though, his presence caused her both pain and relief. He was like her, someone from her old life could see her new self and know what she went through. Still, it wasn’t a fate she would wish upon anyone. Matilda nodded when Cass expressed that there was plenty of salve. “Thanks. I need to figure out how to hide it in the dormitories so none of the other girls see it. It was always a concern, if one of the other students found out what she was. The professors knew, but they didn’t seem to give a damn. As long as she wasn’t a Muggleborn, she figured, but she was probably next lowest on the totem pole. As much as she felt for the Muggleborns, she was glad it wasn’t her for once in her life.