BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS ONE

@percy | OUTFIT

She didn’t want to be here.

In fact, Penelope Clearwater could think of nine-hundred and ninety-nine places that she would rather be than having coffee with her ex-husband. But he had called an ’urgent meeting’ (or at least, she assumed that it was urgent because he rarely ever reached out to her and she could only assume that something horrible had happened to him…like he had contracted a fatal disease, or he had lost his job or he had lost one of his books and thought Penny had hidden it in her spite). So, here she was, pretending like she wasn’t bothered by the fact that they were having coffee — pretending that seeing his name on that owl hadn’t hurt her in a way she couldn’t quite explain. Here she was, pretending that she was alright and nothing could hurt her. She was awfully good at pretending.

Penny put the coffee mug to her lips and took a sip. The little bit of cinnamon that the cute bartender had dashed on top really gave it something different, she thought with a smile. But it quickly faded as she spied @percy walking into the Goldbrick Café.

Sure, they attempted to be civil — Percy more so than Penny, when push came to shove — but things between them had never been good. How could they be? Ever since they had cut things off, Penny felt…betrayed. She had tried for years after they married and after the twins were born. She had tried to work things out between them, but when all was said and done, Percy decided that his work was more important than keeping Penny as his wife.

And so, things had ended…in the best way that things could end. They kept the kids together, shared joint custody, and lived next-door to each other in the townhouse. Things were as good as they could be. But even that felt like not enough.

The blonde woman shook her head as she pretended to look anywhere but at Percy until he was right up on the table and she had no choice but to acknowledge that he was there. Penny looked at him from behind her mug and tried to smile, though it looked more like she was pursing her lips. “Ah, Percy. So glad you could make it,” she said, though the woman was not glad in the slightest. Maybe they could get this over with quickly and she could head back to her office and have a good cry. “Please, sit down.”

Why was he doing this? He didn’t have to fucking do this. He lived beside her, he was three doors down, so why did he feel the need to do this in public he had no idea. He had been so formal and the entire time that he had written the letter his heart had pounded. He shouldn’t feel this way, he knew. Jessica was his world now. She made him want to be a better man, it was why he was doing this. He wanted to make amends, because he was sorry. He had faiiled Penny and his kids and he knew that now. He knew that he had and hidden in his work. Like he had before the war. He had turned tail and run.

He wouldn’t do that now. He knew what he had to do, and he wanted to be friends with Penny. He knew it was for their own best interests and their kids. Always fighting was not a way to teach their kids what relationships should be like and he was sure that he had done enough damage over the years. He was sure that he had broken her heart more than once just like she had his. He had class that afternoon and a meeting that morning. He was busy as hell constantly, and he didn’t want to put work before this. He had cut the meeting short, knowing that the hot air filled windbag would get over any slight that he thought that he had felt.

He had buttoned his suit jacket and apperated away from the front door. He was not going to be late and just as his watch clicked the appointed time he opened the door and stepped in. He ignored the feelings that had risen when he saw her, like he had for years and stamped them back down mentally. For years they had been doing this odd dance, of him trying to be nice, and her not really following suit. Him being a pompous dick, and her being the woman that he fell in love with all those years ago. He had ruined it and he would never be able to take it back. They shared their kids, even sharing a duplex to be closer together.

It didn’t always make life easier, but it made things interesting to say the least. He still loved her, he always wood. She was his ex-wife. His school sweetheart. They had the twins together. He would always care about her for those reasons alone, but despite everything that had happened he wanted them to be friends. He wanted her to know that this was not something that was easy for him either.

He ordered a peppermint mocha and then sat down. His taste in coffee the only thing that his daughter called ‘extra’ about him. ”It would be rude of me, to not show when I owled asking about this, after all.” he said with a smirk before running a hand over his beard. It was something that he was not at all sure about, but he liked it, and Jessica liked it, so he hadn’t shaved, for her.

He wanted this to go well, but before things went farther he wanted to apologize to her. He knew it was long over due so he sighed and set his cup down. ”Penny, I know I have not been an easy person to be around, and I very aware that I failed you; as a husband, as a man, as a father. I should have been so much more than I was, should have been so much better than I was. Nothing I can say or do will give that back to you, nothing will ever show you how much you and our children mean to me. I want us to be friends so that we can move forward and finally make some sense of all of this, rather than just running in circles. I know I hurt you, but I know that I can never make you as happy as you deserve to be. No matter how I felt about you, you deserve better than me.” He puffed out his cheeks, looking very much like his son and took a long drink from the cup, before looking up at her, not sure what her reaction would be.

Outfit

She hated him. She hated him. She hated him. That was the mantra that Penny kept up every time she saw Percy Weasley. It was much easier for her to hurt him than it was for her to admit just how hurt she was every time she saw him. The nearly twelve years that they had been divorced did little to dull the pain that she felt. Today, it felt especially fresh because she was reminded of the times they would spend in front of the Great Hall’s fireplace, studying with mugs of warm hot cocoa. How could she have possibly expected that her life would end up like this?They had been so happy, once. Penny remembered those days at Hogwarts. They seemed like memories so far away that they were hard to latch on to, but she remembered happiness. She remembered thinking that they were going to last forever. And they had hardly lasted a few years after the twins were born.

Penny bit down on her lip. Terri and Archie were the reasons that they tried. They were the reasons that they attempted to be civil towards each other, she knew that. But sometimes, it was just so damn hard. “It wouldn’t be the first time,” Penny said into her coffee mug, barely more than a whisper. Percy always used to blow her off. When the twins were born, she would ask him to lunch, she would wait for three hours, and he would never show up. She usually ended up eating alone on those days. She would talk to her friends and they would tell her that those were warning signs, but she always ignored them. They were in love, right? And a young Penelope Clearwater would have believed that love solved every problem. Unfortunately for Penelope, she grew up. She realized that sometimes, shitty situations were just that and they weren’t able to be solved with the power of love, or true love’s kiss. Those were fairy tales and this was real life.

“So what was it that we needed to talk about?” Penny watched him carefully as Percy sat down, holding his drink in his hand and looking more uncomfortable than she had ever seen him. She almost wondered if he was going to tell her that he was pregnant. He put his drink down and Penny followed suit, finally removing the mug from her lips and staring at him. What happened next, she was not expecting.

Penny felt her lips part slightly as she heard what she thought sounded an awful lot like an apology. It was as if Percy was reading down a list of every bad quality — every bad situation — that she remembered from their marriage and made a note on what he had done wrong. She bit down on her lip, hard. These were the things she had always dreamed of Percy saying to her…only at the end, her dreams would’ve replaced ‘friend’ with ‘wife.’ She still loved him, as much as she fought it, she still thought about him all the time. It wasn’t until Percy puffed out his cheeks that Penny laughed. It was loud, bright, and completely uncalled for, given what her ex-husband had just told her, but she couldn’t help it. “You…looked like Archie! Merlin’s beard I always wondered where he got that face and he bloody got it from you!” She ran a hand through her hair and then shook her head, looking anywhere but at the man in front of her.

He could have made her happy.

The laughter quickly faded, and she was no longer smiling, instead just staring off into the distance, watching a few students on the quad. “Percy, it’s been years,” she said, still not looking at him. “I’m not sure that things can just be smoothed over like peanut butter spread on toast.”

From the moment that he had asked for the divorce Percy knew that Penny would hate him. That she would know what a failure that he was; for her and the kids. She would know who he was, who he truly was and hate him for it. He had come to accept it and for a while it had embittered him, like a good crust on a yeasty bread. It made some things easier and while some things made him look better, it was always hard to tell if he was done, or still doughy. Underneath it all he knew that he loved her, that he always would, but there were times when it just didn’t sit right. He felt like she wanted too much from him, expected him to be too much when he wasn’t ready.

But then, he hadn’t been ready to be a father and it was one of the best things that happened to him. Terrianne and Bash were such a large slice of Percy and Penny that it made him ache when he watched them, and it made him wonder if his wife ex-wife knew about their son being gay. He had no idea if Archie had even spoken to her about it. Percy had known since the boy was young, but had always waited for his children to decide what they wanted to tell him. Pushing them into things didn’t really ever seem like the way to go, and he didn’t want them to feel the pain and stresses of life until they had to. After all life was hard enough without that added to everything.

He had been young and impetuous once, wishing to keep his relationship with Penelope a secret they had broken up when Fred found them out, but they had gotten back together, and this time had been public. The war had made things harder and she had wanted what anyone had wanted, a future. It was something he had been unsure of if he would be able to give her what she wanted, and it had resulted in their break up. He had slept with Daphne, and then found out about the twins. If he could have taken it back he never would have. Well, the liquor in his system had more to do with that than anything else, but in the light of the morning he had regretted it.

Even if he hated his family, he could never betray himself like that. He had been happy, with Penny for a long time, but the more he worked the more things were asked of him. The more classes he took on, the more he was given at Kings Consulting. He had tried to balance, but it had never worked out the way that he had wanted and he had, unfortunately, lost the one person who loved him for himself.

He smiled, a true smile (an honest rarity when it came to Percy) and he nodded his head, his children were just as much a part of him as they were her, and even their mannerisms were the same. After all, he knew who Terri got her sass from. ”I’m not expecting them to be, Penelope. I just think it’s time that we act like grown ups, and try for the kids. I mean all of my siblings’ relationships have failed. It is all they have known, and they need a stable relationship to look at, even if it is us being friends. “

He took a sip from the cup and then sighed when some dribbled into his beard. He took a napkin and and dabbed at his beard before setting the cup down and looking at her. ”Let me take out out to dinner. I know it’s not going to make things better, but it can be a step in the right direction. We can even go to that fancy place that you like. The one with the live music or whatever.”

Penny could have watched him like that forever. He looked exactly like her son — right down to the very tip of his nose. It was fascinating how many things she had missed when she was avoiding Percy. How often had she she wanted to call all of the family together for a meal, but she shied away from it because she was too hurt? How often had she wished for a Christmas uninterrupted by their bickering. But, things couldn’t be like that.

There were days when Penny thought they were acting a bit childish. They lived in the same duplex, their house split down the middle, and yet, they made a point to not see each other. There were morning when Penny would sneak out of the back door so she wouldn’t even have to see Percy. They worked at the same University — their offices only a few doors down from each other — and yet, somehow, they always managed to time it just so they wouldn’t have to look each other in the eye. It was sad how things had deteriorated over the years. She could remember a time when they had been everything to each other. She remembered a time when she thought that their love would last forever. But the longer they stayed together — the longer that Percy chose work over her and the kids — that was what eroded away at their once strong bond. That was what had brought them to this point.

“Friends,” Penny repeated as she drug her fingertips across the lip of her mug. She hadn’t thought about friendship with Percy, ever. It seemed like such a pipe dream — unachievable. But, her children were resting on this deal. She knew that he was right. Terri and Archie would be better if their parents got on. They would be able to see what a functional family looked like…and maybe, just maybe, it would help them in the future. They wouldn’t go into their own marriages wondering if they would end up just like their crotchety old parents. Penny blew out some of her breath and the edges of her bangs caught the wind, fluttering up momentarily before they settled once again on her forehead. “Friends.” It was a strange word to her. Even stranger that it was something Percy proposed them becoming.

She looked up at him — this time really looking. He was older than the last time she saw him. He was starting to wrinkle around the eyes and there were a few frown lines that she detected. But that handsome face was still there…although it was slightly hidden behind the beginnings of a beard. Percy hadn’t lost his looks in his old age, if anything, she thought that his age might have enhanced them. Shaking her head, she realized that was certainly not something you thought about your friend.

Her ex-husband dribbled some coffee onto his beard and she felt the edges of her lips curl slightly. Her hand reached for one of the napkins on the table, but he was already too quick, mopping it up and then looking at her, in earnest. “The one with karaoke?” She joked, before leaning back in her chair. She imagined that this would end up much like the other times that they had attempted to go to dinner. Percy would leave her alone at the last minute, saying that he got caught up with something at the office. She would eat alone and she would leave alone. It’s not that different than your life now, Penny, she reminded herself. “Joking, not the one with karaoke.” She said finally, folding her arms across her chest. It was worth a try. For the kids. “Dinner, on you, you pick the date and I’ll be there.”

There had been a time when they were young when Percy and Penny could not get enough of each other. She had almost driven him wild, and then his family had found out. He could never have secrets, even when it was something for himself. He had not wanted it because of anything other than he could have something that was just his, no one could interfere. But then they had. He had broken things off because of it and been a right wanker to everyone; though that really seemed to be what he did. He had regretted it and though he regretted leaving Penny for a long time after their divorce, he knew that it was what was best for them, for all of them.

He wanted it to be enough, for them to be friends, but he worried about the kids, that was why they had the duplex, it’s why they shared custody. He wanted her to be happy, but it seemed that she still wasn’t and Percy hated himself for it. He avoided her, not wanting a reminder of how much he had failed. Of who he had failed. Penny had been of of the few good things in his life when he was young and no matter what he did now, he would never be able to fix what was broken, so he had given up. He hadn’t even tried and he knew this. He knew that it was better to break her heart, than to watch her heart break when he wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the life that he wanted for her. She deserved to be happier than he could ever make her, or so he thought.

He knew that his children deserved a life full of love and happiness, that his whole family had followed his suit slowly and they were all ending up divorced one by one. It scared him to know that his mother and father who were such good parents, who had done so well together, and raised such good children were falling apart. He blamed the war. He blamed their childhoods which had been so roughly ripped from their grasps, ruining their lives and keeping from the people that should have become. Instead molding them into something else, something so broken. The world around them was falling apart and he worried that his children could be facing the same future that his generation had.

”Yes, if that is what you want, “ he had to stop himself from calling her love, and smiled when she said they didn’t have to go there ”Tomorrow night work well for you?” He asked her with a small smile. He wasn’t rushing her or anything, but he really was looking forward to spending time with her. It was something that he was honestly shocked by, but something he was looking towards.

Penny had never imagined a day in which Percy Weasley would be apologizing to her. Honestly, she thought hell had to have frozen over by now…Here he was, saying that he truly, deep down, wanted to be friends. There was something so honest and raw about the way that he spoke to her that it made Penny want to believe what he was saying. It made her see him like she once had…For a moment, she was staring at a much younger version of her husband. He wasn’t bogged down with the cares of the world. It was just Percy — Percy who wanted to be Head Boy and Percy who wanted to marry Penelope Clearwater. He was younger, then, childlike and ambitious…but that had been the man that she had fallen in love with. Somewhere along the way, he had been so caught up in his own ambitions that she had lost him. Their hands had slipped just out of reach of one another and they had been separated. She blinked and he returned to his normal, 40 year-old self.

They weren’t those people anymore. They weren’t kids. They had lived their lives — together and separately — and now they were going to try and piece them back together somehow. Penny knew that they wouldn’t be the same…they never could be. But they could at least try, for their children’s sake. Merlin’s Beard, she thought about what Terri would say when she told her that she was going to go out for dinner with her father. Archie would be kinder about it, she was sure.

It was what she wanted. The Roadhouse had once been their favorite date bar. They used to go and have drinks, talk for hours about their lives. She shook her head, trying to forget the last time she had been there…the humiliation that Percy hadn’t shown up once again. But tomorrow would be different. He had promised. And for once, she hoped he would keep his promise. “Tomorrow night is fine,” Penny said. She realized her tone might have seemed a bit sharp and immediately corrected herself. “It’s great,” she took a chance and leaned forward slightly, putting her hand over Percy’s as she stared at him.

“Thanks, Perse,” she said quietly as she forced herself to smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, yeah? Gotta dash, I’ve got a twelve-o’clock class…” she looked down at her watch and realized it was only a little past eight thirty, “…that I still have to grade for. See you tomorrow.” She stood, rather abruptly, clumsily knocking her knee into the leg of the table and sheepishly blushing as she gathered her things. Why was he making her so bloody nervous?! “Bye, Percy…” She said, again, finally ready to leave. As she was walking towards the door of the cafe, she turned around, a puzzled expression on her face. Maybe things were changing…maybe this was a new Percy…

Then again, only tomorrow would tell.