YHe thinks that faith might be dead
Nothing kills a man faster than his own head

outfit - OPEN

U-jin didn't know what had changed, but something had. He wasn't talking about the political climate in the UK, that had somehow changed completely yet remained exactly the same. He also wasn't talking about school, though, because that had basically remained the same, as well as his relationships with the few students he cared to interact with. Blue was getting better, too. Somehow parting from the things he'd been forced to do, taking his space, daring to step back. He somehow thought that this had brought them closer, U-Jin's acceptance of him despite the fact that he'd done the things he despised many people for doing. Maybe it had helped them both understand what it was that this was, despite their refusal to openly talk about it. U-Jin wouldn't accept such a thing from just anyone, he thought he might accept it from anyone at one point and then this had happened. It'd been a surprise, both good and bad. Good because they both were comforted by it. Bad because... well, the future was drawing near. Not a month ago his departure had seemed so far away, before the end of the calendar year. The fact that he would leave, be openly engaged, be an open part of the leadership of his clan, it was daunting. Perhaps the worst part was the fact that now he couldn't even pretend that what he'd had with Blue was a nameless bit of fun. Now he had to accept that there was nothing he could do short of besmirching his duty, shaming his family, and tossing his little brother to the dogs, to keep Blue. They both knew he couldn't do it. Wasn't that painful? This had an expiration date from the very beginning.

The lunar new year was approaching. Less than a month. He would be eighteen, then, of age both in the magical world and in the muggle one. On that date, his parents would announce his engagement to his clan, so he figured they must be going crazy trying to find him a proper match. He hoped she would be young, so he could have years and years before the wedding, so that he could grow and find some little detail about her that was wrong, and the search could start over again. He knew he had to be engaged eventually, had to marry, had to have children, yet everything about him ached at the thought of it. At least noona had promised to inform him of her identity as soon as it happened, because he knew for a fact that his parents wouldn't bother. She'd also tell him what father desired to do. Wether he'd continue in national politics and back down from clan management, or the other way around, or wether he'd continue with both. Grandfather had stepped back from the clan when father turned of age but then again, grandmother hadn't worked so she could stay home to help him learn the ropes. Mother was very invested in her own political career. National politics. Maybe U-Jin would be allowed to just study and maybe get a small job. Some internship in the government, was what his parents would prefer, maybe even in his mother's department so they could all keep an eye on him. He hated the idea, but he knew he wouldn't argue. That would no longer be his place, not in such a public matter as a job.

He hadn't brought Su-Won today. He'd given the cat to Blue to go see Bea, the younger boy loved the cat. Instead of training -Quidditch, Taekwondo, meditation, he'd taken up Muay Thai over the Yule holidays- or studying -his NEWTS, personal studies, the few extra final exams he'd have to take once he got back to Seoul- he'd decided to go for a walk. To breathe. Not to force his mind and body into submission like he did when he meditated but rather to let it wander for itself. His sister swore by it, in her last letter. He hadn't told her any of his issues, but he didn't have to. She could tell something was off by the twitch of his wrist at the end of his characters. She was always good at analysing calligraphy.

Sighing, he stood in front of the clock tower entrance. Should he go up? Maybe get some air.

The Grey Lady was not often one to speak to students who were not in great distress. Throughout the centuries, as her name and history faded, she would speak most to those whose names she had once known, names who had traveled the halls with her, names who her parents had borne, names of children once-upon-a-time that might have known her. Those names, like everything, have also faded, and new names would spring up, or supplant them.

But that was two hundred years ago, when she had last truly cared about Gaunts and Smiths and their descendants. In years since then, the Grey Lady was said to speak more to others-- to children being harassed by those they wished to avoid (mostly witches as the unwilling company of wizards) to the first-generation mages, to those at times spurned by magical comrades. There were none this year; there had been none two decades ago, there had been periods of time when those born of Muggles would drop suspiciously low. They would come back, the Grey Lady knew. Such a change would not be last more than a handful of years at the most, and there were always hose who slipped in, kept safe by magical stepparents and friends who claimed the child as their own kin. Even a year for that was generous, truly, yet she would give it all the same. Should she be mistaken-- well. The Grey Lady would wait, as she always had.

There was one of Salazar's near the clock tower. Young, she thought, though there was no doubt that his age exceeded the age she had been when she had been killed. He was newer, if she remembered correctly, having arrived in the early spring of the previous year. There had been. . . . someone, one of her parents, she thought, who had been born in the spring. She might have died in the spring. He flew, she knew, he was quiet and controlled. He might have done well in banners of blue and bronze,
but he was in Salazar's green and silver.

"You are troubled." She let the words fall from her mouth. It was no question; she had eyes, and to state the obvious allowed denials.

U-Jin had at some point considered denying his duty completely. Going to Korea and taking up a professional Quidditch contract, like he'd been offered over the summer. The Toyohashi Tengu had offered him a reserve position for as soon as he graduated from school and he'd been very tempted to accept. He was of age, technically he could have. Yet he hadn't, for various reasons. First of all, he knew that he would shame his family and his own name. Fleeing from duty was an embarrassment, he would never be able to build a life, it would follow him forever. Even if he moved somewhere where family duty weren't so sacred, his own conscience would never allow him peace. Beyond what, what would become of his seat in Korea? His parents shamed, his little brother forced to bare a burden he was never raised to be able to support. Could he truly be so selfish? Selfish in vain? No, he couldn't, he could never. It just seemed to him that he had to choose between misery on the one hand, with Blue by his side, possibly forever, even if he was chased by his own conscience for the rest of his life, and misery on the other hand, doing his duty as head of the clan and eventually a public face in the Ruling Council, with a wife he would not love and children he would have no choice in having. In both cases he ended up in a bad situation, the choice was really who he wanted to make miserable along with him. If he went back to Korea, he would leave Blue alone. Leave him and let him be miserable. If he stayed with Blue, he'd make his parents miserable -which he didn't much care about- but also his little brother. Was the choice between his little brother and his boyfriend? How could he be expected to do that? It was ridiculous- if he were with Blue right now, he would know for certain, as if it weren't even a choice. He wasn't with Blue right now, though, because Blue was off doing prefect duties. He was here, alone with his thoughts. Damn everything to-

He swivelled around, startled at hearing a voice. There'd been no footsteps, but as soon as he laid eyes on a ghost. Oh. Ghosts weren't allowed in Mahoutokoro. Any sort of departed spirit was considered to be bad luck by his people. Not that he would say that here, he had never been one for frivolous superstitions. Of course he'd been instinctively weary when he'd arrived last year but soon enough he'd relaxed. He'd seemingly been so lost in thought that he'd come to a halt. Not going up or leaving. It was bound to attract attention, of course, though he hated being questioned by strangers. It was so impolite and nosy. He could barely hide the distaste in his eyes before schooling his features back into place. "Merely private business, madam." That should be enough to let her know her questions weren't welcome, was it not?

Were she still Living, rather than the in-between state of sentience and Spirit that she had became one thousand years ago, color would have filled her face at her mistep. Even after all this time, she wasn't quite sure why she had became Spirit, rather than passing on. Had she feared Death? She didn't remember, as long ago as it was, and memories distant by other thoughts. Was it guilt about the diadem? Perhaps. Was it sorrow for running away, for leaving all that she knew, and hurting her remaining parents so? Another possibility.

She doubted it was a connection to Hogwarts. No one would have been more connected to the castle than her parents, yet they had passed on, and she remained. Her connection was why she had chosen to travel to Hogwarts, to reside in the corridors of the castle-school, why she had stayed there-- enough to tether her to a place to occupy, but surely not a strong enough connection to keep her on Earth. There were some rumors that Spirits might fade, though she rather doubted it. She had a responsibility she would not neglect. A daughter of the Founders could do no less than guard and oversee their legacy, and carry it inside.

But on Earth she was, and in this pale imitation of life, her cheeks were opaque and chill, rather than pinkish and heated. "My most sincere apologies for the intrusion." Foolish of her, perhaps. Her own were used enough to her that most would like to mention what was wrong with them, but this was Salazar's. The student disliked her question, that much was clear. She must polish up her conversational skills, it seemed-- there was one of Godric's she thought perhaps favorable, a handful of her younger ones.

It was, perhaps, cultural-- there had been students in her House that were discomforted by her throughout their seven years. Foolish of her-- perhaps she should have considered that first. "Would you prefer that I move to another part of the floor?"

It wasn't like U-Jin to wallow or to worry, he had never once doubted what he should do or how he should move forwards. Even when he'd decided to act out against his parents, to go into the muggle world, it'd been sort of an obvious choice. He hadn't sat there, pondering his options, not knowing what to do. The decision came to mind easily, naturally, and he'd gone along with it because it seemed like a logical choice. U-Jin was far from used to not knowing what to do, especially to wanting something he knew he shouldn't do. Sure, there'd been all his actions while lashing out, but while he'd wanted to do them he'd also known that what he wanted more was the outcome that they would bring. The enjoyment of the means to that end was inconsequential. This, however, was... looking for a pleasurable end because he enjoyed the means so much. Looking to avoid his duty because he enjoyed being with Blue so much. He shouldn't. He shouldn't want to pass his duty on to his little brother, he shouldn't want to abandon his clan, he shouldn't want to shame his parents, he shouldn't- he shouldn't want a boy. It was a very western thing and while he'd known that it wasn't acceptable in his culture, it shouldn't be acceptable to him from himself, he still just gave in. How could he not? It was Blue. Every day he stared in wonder, because it seemed to U-Jin that it was impossible for him to exist. Yet he did. Wasn't it a blessing, to be wanted by him as much as he wanted Blue?

It hurt, knowing that he couldn't keep him. He wanted to. How much he wanted to. Yet, it was in vain. Couldn't, absolutely couldn't, and they both knew it. He could maybe extend his stay, spend as much time together as possible, yet it wasn't exactly wise. Wouldn't it hurt more, to have Blue for years and then to be forced to leave him? Wouldn't it be easier to just rip out the bandage? It would hurt less, in the long run, but maybe the suffering would be worth it. Maybe it'd make him bitter for the rest of his life but- but he could have the consolation of having been happy for at least a bit. That was to say... if Blue wanted him to stay. If he didn't, then U-Jin would depart without protest. Far be it from him to impose his presence on anyone that did not wish for it. Least of all on Blue, whose wishes he could never consider denying. It would hurt, but he would not argue. There was a chance that Blue would want him to leave, if not because he didn't like U-Jin but because... well, it would imply something of a relationship. Something with feelings. Blue had feelings but he liked to pretend that he didn't. U-Jin didn't contradict him. Just because they both knew that it wasn't true didn't mean that they had to say so.

"Apologies accepted, madam." U-Jin offered a slight bow, even though his face was still particularly cool. He had never been, and probably never would be, a sociable person. He was, however, polite and he would never deny an apology when it was given. "I have no preference, madam. Your whereabouts are your own decision."