Post by Sasha Violet Augustine on May 8, 2018 0:15:04 GMT -5
HERO/HEROINE
This school had been announced and Sasha hadn’t known what to think. From the start, she hadn’t been sure about it, but there had just been more important matters for her to think about. She could hardly focus on a school and what that meant, after everything that had happened. It was hard to think about anything else when it was very easy for her mind to wander to the night that they had almost died. She couldn’t get away from it when she was awake, and she certainly couldn’t get away from it when she was sleeping. She had no idea how Devin was managing it. He had been worse off than she had been that night--so much worse off, and yet she was the one that was having nightmares. She thought that he did too. It just felt unfair to him that she did too, when he had gotten it so much worse.
He had been held under the torture curse more times than she could count--and she hadn’t even been there the whole time. He’d blocked her from most of the curses and hexes that had been thrown their way when the Death Eater had just started cursing them practically without even aiming. In comparison, she had gotten off easy. She’d been held under the Cruciatus for only a handful of seconds at a time. He’d hit her--that alone was something that she was not used to, but it just still couldn’t compare to what Devin had been through. Such thoughts were odd ones for the blonde to have. Sasha didn’t usually think in terms of someone having it worse than she did. If something bad happened to her, then she had the worst of it and that was all there was to it. She didn’t care to think about someone else and what they had been through. She hadn’t since the second they’d been stuck in Kolna.
But it was different with Devin. She hadn’t wanted it to be. She had denied and denied for months. Admittedly, that had been easier to do before they’d shagged, but she hadn’t thought that it was just that. Lines had started getting blurry with them sleeping next to each other every night. She could have told herself that it was just to keep warm until she was blue in the face, but that wouldn’t have made it true. Yes, it had been nice being warm. Sasha still didn’t quite understand how he was always warm, but they had gotten to a point when it had gotten complicated and she had just been content to ignore that for as long as possible. Caring about people was not something that she did. Ever. Not at all. She had kept him away with sass and bitchiness for quite some time though, which she thought was pretty impressive in retrospect.
Now… now she didn’t know. She knew that she cared about him. She knew that he knew that she cared about him. She had run outside when he had been being tortured, and she was not the heroic type so she couldn’t play it off as something she did just because it was the ‘right thing to do.’ Sasha would have let anyone else die out there. As horrible as it was to admit, there were very few people that she would sacrifice herself for. Clearly, he knew that he was one of them after that and it wasn’t as if she was denying it. She just wasn’t sure if she was ready for that to mean anything. It kind of… completely freaked her out that she cared about him at all, and the fact that he knew it made it worse. Sasha thought that she could have figured it out, but then they had been thrown for a loop with this school. That had changed things.
Not her feelings--those weren’t going away anytime soon. As awful as her job had been, she’d had nights to herself and she’d gotten to choose where she spent them--or who she slept next to. Now they were in classes. They had dormitories and that meant that she was with Mari and other girls in her year, and Devin was with the other guys in his year. She had, at one point, wondered if it would be hard to sleep without him when it got warmer and she didn’t technically need to be kept warm. Now she knew that it was just about impossible. She had an actual bed again; it wasn’t as comfortable as her bed at home, but it was still a bed, and yet she couldn’t sleep in it. She couldn’t sleep at all because Devin wasn’t pressed up behind her smelling like cigarette smoke and just… him. Sasha knew that she couldn’t say something like that out loud--did people actually get away with saying they missed how someone smelled? Probably. But she was not that person.
It wasn’t like she didn’t see him at all. She just didn’t get to sleep next to him anymore and it was incredibly frustrating. Especially now--given the news that adults in Kolna were permitted to go home as long as they continued to report to their jobs. What would they have done in that situation? Would she have gone back to her parents? Did he have anyone to go back to? She didn’t know. She just knew that they would have more freedom there than they did at this school. Today, she had tried not to think about it by having a normal day. She had put more effort into her outfit than she had in a while--heels and skirt included, and she had made it through her mind-numbingly boring classes about cleaning spells and tending to plants.
Now her focus was on finding Devin without just going into his dormitory and waiting for him on his bed. Her compromise to that was to go to the boys’ study area. There were people milling around--boys that mostly knew better than to approach her when she didn’t feel like being approached, so she dropped down onto a couch, leaning against the arm of it to take up the entirety of the space. To avoid anyone else sitting there, and because she was wearing a skirt and thought she might as well flaunt that a little.
He had been held under the torture curse more times than she could count--and she hadn’t even been there the whole time. He’d blocked her from most of the curses and hexes that had been thrown their way when the Death Eater had just started cursing them practically without even aiming. In comparison, she had gotten off easy. She’d been held under the Cruciatus for only a handful of seconds at a time. He’d hit her--that alone was something that she was not used to, but it just still couldn’t compare to what Devin had been through. Such thoughts were odd ones for the blonde to have. Sasha didn’t usually think in terms of someone having it worse than she did. If something bad happened to her, then she had the worst of it and that was all there was to it. She didn’t care to think about someone else and what they had been through. She hadn’t since the second they’d been stuck in Kolna.
But it was different with Devin. She hadn’t wanted it to be. She had denied and denied for months. Admittedly, that had been easier to do before they’d shagged, but she hadn’t thought that it was just that. Lines had started getting blurry with them sleeping next to each other every night. She could have told herself that it was just to keep warm until she was blue in the face, but that wouldn’t have made it true. Yes, it had been nice being warm. Sasha still didn’t quite understand how he was always warm, but they had gotten to a point when it had gotten complicated and she had just been content to ignore that for as long as possible. Caring about people was not something that she did. Ever. Not at all. She had kept him away with sass and bitchiness for quite some time though, which she thought was pretty impressive in retrospect.
Now… now she didn’t know. She knew that she cared about him. She knew that he knew that she cared about him. She had run outside when he had been being tortured, and she was not the heroic type so she couldn’t play it off as something she did just because it was the ‘right thing to do.’ Sasha would have let anyone else die out there. As horrible as it was to admit, there were very few people that she would sacrifice herself for. Clearly, he knew that he was one of them after that and it wasn’t as if she was denying it. She just wasn’t sure if she was ready for that to mean anything. It kind of… completely freaked her out that she cared about him at all, and the fact that he knew it made it worse. Sasha thought that she could have figured it out, but then they had been thrown for a loop with this school. That had changed things.
Not her feelings--those weren’t going away anytime soon. As awful as her job had been, she’d had nights to herself and she’d gotten to choose where she spent them--or who she slept next to. Now they were in classes. They had dormitories and that meant that she was with Mari and other girls in her year, and Devin was with the other guys in his year. She had, at one point, wondered if it would be hard to sleep without him when it got warmer and she didn’t technically need to be kept warm. Now she knew that it was just about impossible. She had an actual bed again; it wasn’t as comfortable as her bed at home, but it was still a bed, and yet she couldn’t sleep in it. She couldn’t sleep at all because Devin wasn’t pressed up behind her smelling like cigarette smoke and just… him. Sasha knew that she couldn’t say something like that out loud--did people actually get away with saying they missed how someone smelled? Probably. But she was not that person.
It wasn’t like she didn’t see him at all. She just didn’t get to sleep next to him anymore and it was incredibly frustrating. Especially now--given the news that adults in Kolna were permitted to go home as long as they continued to report to their jobs. What would they have done in that situation? Would she have gone back to her parents? Did he have anyone to go back to? She didn’t know. She just knew that they would have more freedom there than they did at this school. Today, she had tried not to think about it by having a normal day. She had put more effort into her outfit than she had in a while--heels and skirt included, and she had made it through her mind-numbingly boring classes about cleaning spells and tending to plants.
Now her focus was on finding Devin without just going into his dormitory and waiting for him on his bed. Her compromise to that was to go to the boys’ study area. There were people milling around--boys that mostly knew better than to approach her when she didn’t feel like being approached, so she dropped down onto a couch, leaning against the arm of it to take up the entirety of the space. To avoid anyone else sitting there, and because she was wearing a skirt and thought she might as well flaunt that a little.
