And every time we talk

Every single word builds up to this moment
And I gotta convince myself I don't want it
Even though I do

This wasn't happening. He wasn't running late to class for the first bloody time all semester. He wasn't watching that Gryffindor kid take the seat that he'd been sitting in the last couple of weeks. He wasn't just staring at the only empty chair left in their shared Charms classroom. This. Was not. Happening.

Dima could feel the anxiety coiling around his limbs as he gripped tighter on his charms book. He was being cool. He was making his way over to her, head down, nothing was wrong. He wasn't going to die. It felt like he was going to die. It felt a lot like what he imagined having his ribs cut with bolt cutters might feel like, or having someone pour lava directly into his chest. All he could think as he made his way across the room was how different things had been the last time he had sat next to her. How seeing the empty place was common, half expected, and brought a smile to his face.

Now he was trying not to even look at her. Not too much, not too little to make it look like a scene. Just....what was he supposed to say. Honestly he wasn't supposed to say anything. He was supposed to keep his distance. Not talk to her, if possible. How impossible that felt when the girl he was sitting down next to used to be someone he would tell everything to. "Hey." He tried to sound pleasant enough that the listening ears around them wouldn't be tipped off to the fact that this was NOT how things were supposed to go today.

Dima wasn't looking at her. He was trying his best not to but his blue eyes kept boldly dashing to take in a glimpse of her. How long had it been since he had seen her this close? He almost comically thought of asking her. It was hard not talking to her. All he wanted to do was talk to her and pretend nothing had changed. No. He didn't want to pretend, he just.... Nevermind what he wanted. It was empty wishing.  It served no purpose. Rearranging his surroundings was a better idea. Opening his book, getting his parchment, and his.... Shit. 

His quill and ink were likely sitting in the exact same spot he had left them at the Ministry. So very far away from where he needed them now. Dima drew in a heavy breath. Courage. Composure. Concealing all feelings annnnnd-- "I forgot my quill." He turned his gaze to her apologetically. He wasn't supposed to be doing this. This whole day shouldn't have happened. Easter Break shouldn't have happened. Or maybe they shouldn't have happened at all. "...Do you have an extra one I could borrow?"

Zoe Genevieve Shafiq | Outfit: Ravenclaw Robes | Notes:

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

And what's the point in hidin'? Everybody knows, we got unfinished business And I'll regret it if I didn't say This isn't what it could be @dima Words: 455 Outfit: School Robes SHIN OF ADOX

It was not that Zoe was keeping track of Dima's whereabouts. She just knew his schedule. Zoe also knew him very well. Dima was not someone who showed up late. Hell, Zoe tended to be late, and he was more than one hundred percent the reason that she no longer got detentions for that reason. So, the fact that he was not in charms class yet and the remaining seats were next to her and across the room where he had been sitting as of recently. She watched the door as she pretended to listen to the story that the fellow Gryffindor who was seated behind her, went on about whatever it was. Merlin, that boy better show up soon. Zoe mentally cursed when she saw someone sit in was supposed to be Dima's seat. She wanted to yell at them, but causing a scene over something like this would only cause problems for her. Then Zoe processed what it meant. She was quick to turn herself around in her seat. Her brown eyes were staring at her things on the table. Her chest began to tighten. Dima had been someone Zoe was avoiding at all costs. It was easy to act like nothing was wrong when she was across the room. Zoe had no idea who she would handle sitting next to Dima. She still had moments where she had to run and hide when she couldn't control her emotions. The second Dima sat down in the seat next to Zoe; she felt the tightness begin in her chest like someone had their hands tightly wrapped around her chest. The feeling odd to her as she had been so convinced that someone had ripped her heart out of her back in April. "Hi," the words barely escaped from Zoe. It was just above a whisper. A rare sight indeed. Zoe had a habit of being loud and well heard. But then again many things had been changing about her over the past weeks. The Gryffindor had never sat so still in her entire life when Dima spoke again. She stayed silent. Before Dima even asked, she was trying to figure out if she had another quill. She had to have one. "Um," her voice at the same volume as before. Zoe turned to her bag that was hanging off the back of her chair and rummaged through it. She had far too many crumpled up papers, candies, and wrappers from sweets in her bag. Zoe would have to dig to the bottom before she would find a quill. She pulled it out and handed it to Dima. "Here." For the first Zoe would look up at him. She felt herself freeze all over again.

AND EVERY TIME WE TALK

EVERY SINGLE WORD BUILDS UP TO THIS MOMENT
AND I GOTTA CONVINCE MYSELF I DON'T WANT IT
EVEN THOUGH I DO

He hadn't given an explanation. Not to his friends, not to Rurik, not to anyone. There had been plenty of times that he could have. People were all too quick to notice them apart, and when Charms class happened twice a week it was easy enough to sense the avoidance between them. People had asked him why that was, if something had happened over Easter break, if they had broken up. He gave short answers. Yes, something happened. Yes, they had broken up. It was easier than admitting the truth of the matter. That he was a halfblood and she was a pureblood and neither of their families could quite understand why she would ever think that their sort of relationship would ever be tolerated.

The long and the short of it that he wasn't enough. Not pure enough or good enough for her. He could have told them that. In the manor that lovers tease with entwined hands comparing and contrasting all the things that make them unworthy of the other; he could have told them how he wasn't enough for their daughter. He wasn't fast enough on a broom to catch the chaser, she was always just a titch ahead, and he wasn't skilled enough to paint her nails if she asked-- his one and only attempt had been a complete failure, but it wasn't the finish product that mattered but the memory of her smiled when he was finished. A memory that he was supposed to paint over now.

It was all to be painted over, black ink poured over the pages of time spent with her. It was hard to keep the old ink from showing through when Every. Little. Thing. Reminded him of her. There wasn't a place he could pass that he couldn't see her or think of her. Their table in the empty class, the stairs up to the towers, the pitch, this bloody classroom. She was everywhere and when she wasn't in his head she sat across the room. Or in today's case right next to him, pulling a spare quill from her bag.

He was supposed to pretend she didn't exist. Like their time together meant nothing. Like he was fine. He was he supposed to look into her brown eyes and act like he had never told her how beautiful he thought they were. But how? Dima blinked away the stare he had been caught in, darting his eyes away from her and feeling his heart crunch like snow under a boot. "Thanks," he managed as he took the quill from her.  He had nearly apologized. Looking at her was...it was not a good idea. Staring as he had been, that was even worse. It was taking a conscious effort not to look at her now. One that felt odd, and wrong, but he knew it was better if he didn't. He didn't know how well or for how long he could hold it together with her right beside him.

Zoe Genevieve Shafiq | Words: 500

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0