He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast and fresh from the fight

Outfit

Jtust like that he was gone. Just like that, he had walked out of her life and Arianna was not sure what she thought about it all. She wanted to be upset, but she wasn't, not really. Not like she should have been. She knew that she should feel far worse than she did, but she and Seamus had never really moved past the beginning stages of their relationship. They had taken their time, and now she worried that they had taken too long. She had regrets, but she knew from her past experience that hanging on to this was no going to do anything for her. She missed him already, she missed their awkward meetings, but tears would get here nowhere.

Crying, she had learned a long time ago, didn't do anything but make things worse. So she had on her best cold face, she used the tools that Katarzyna gave her. She just needed to move past it. He was what he was. He had healed her, and Arianna wanted more. She wanted someone who would want her, make her feel special, make her feel beautiful. She didn't know what it was, but she wanted  something. In that moment though work was the most important and taking Kurt his lunch was the most important thing.  Heading back to the office she walked slowly, her face blank.

Ever since Cora had quit her job at the Ministry of Magic, she had avoided the place like the plague. It wasn’t for her — that much she had learned working there for a few weeks following graduations. Carina had encouraged her to go back to school after that and, with Dawson’s salary from the Bats, she was able to. Her parents tried to help out, too, offering to pay her rent or front her a few galleons for this and that, but Cora never took the money. She didn’t want to be indebted to them

A few weeks ago, her boss had contacted her, letting her know that her badge was still outstanding and she was required to return it or face a punishment. When the Death Eaters had taken over the Ministry, she began to take the threats more seriously. She had seen what had happened to the muggle borns so far and she knew, if it hadn’t been for her parents coming forward, she could have been one of them.

As she approached the Welcome Witch, she didn’t hesitate getting to the point. She threw her badge onto the desk and looked at her, expectantly. To be fair, Cora knew she shouldn’t cop an attitude — the girl had nothing to do with all of this. “On that note, please let Mister Devane know I will no longer be responding to him via owl or any other correspondence,” she said, sliding the badge forward. It seemed as if a weight had lifted off of her shoulders.

As Cora turned, the girl’s voice piped up, “Sorry Miss, you’ll have to take this to his office.” An audible groan escaped her lips as she picked it back up and rolled her eyes.

“Typical, bureaucratic Ministry of Magic and…” She continued mumbling as she walked through the throngs of people around her. Not paying attention, she bumped shoulders with someone who was walking in the same direction. “Watch where you’re going, mate, some of us are…” The look on the woman’s face made Cora stop, worry suddenly flooding her veins. She wasn’t supposed to be here, technically, but something about this woman seemed…well, off. “My fault, sorry,” she retracted and offered the girl a small smile. “You okay?”

A trick that she had learned a long time ago was when something bothered you and you would rather not think about it, the best thing to do was not think at all. She had learned to school her features. To forget to think, forget to breathe. It made life easier but it also meant that she couldn’t do anything that too much intelligence. She was not even aware of the people around her. She just wanted to go home and cry, or hide or something. She wasn’t quite sure to be honest. She felt someone touch her shoulder and she blinked slowly as her mind turned back on and she focused on the young woman before her.

”I’m fine, thank you.” Came the reply, she dropped her eyes, not making contact. Old instincts were kicking in and she was trying to withdraw into herself. She feared the blow at any pint in time, stealing herself for a cane, a rod, a fist, or a spell to head her way, but before she could flinch she let out slow long breaths and blinked back unshed tears. He was just barely gone and here she was already back to square one. Merlin give me strength.

Raising her eyes she looked at the younger woman, her eyes barely showing any warmth and she spoke. "I'm sorry if I was in your way."

The woman looked moderately familiar, maybe an old housemate, she thought.

Her new acquaintance dropped her eyes and Cora wondered if she was that intimidating. She looked down at her converse sneakers and then shook her head — she wasn’t, that much she was certain of. If anything, she looked too young to work in the Ministry in any sort of position of power. “Sorry, again,” Cora said as she took a few steps to her left.

Nearly ready to call it an encounter failed, she had turned and was heading towards Mister Devane’s office when the girl lifted her gaze and spoke again. This time, Cora was struck by how cold the woman was. “You weren’t. I’m just trying to return…” she held up her old Ministry badge and shrugged. “Quit a few months back and figured I could get away with taking a souvenir.”

She laughed, but it was an empty sound, born of the awkwardness of the situation. “You sure you’re alright?”

So much of her past was filled with holes. Times that she could not remember, others that she wished she could forget; and then times when she had not even been in control of herself. Those were the hardest for her to handle. Those were the memories that haunted her the hardest. Her life had not been simple,it had not been easy, but she had fought tooth and nail to get where she had, she had fought so hard to be able to say that she had lived through it all. Giving up was not an option, but she was slowly learning that she could not lean on other people to make herself whole.

The girl said that she had wanted a souvenir and Arianna smiled softly. She could understand. Putting her hand to her throat she felt for the necklace that was not there. The one that Seamus had given her, the one that had meant so much to her. It was now lying on the carpet of her bedroom at her flat. Giving a small shrug Ari sighed before shaking her head no. ”Bad break up, bad memories. Nothing like being left behind.” She said slowly, softly, though she was certain that that the other woman could hear her.

She had not been alright for a very long time, but she needed to handle this herself.

Cora wondered if she should just leave the woman alone — after all, she knew when she got mixed up into moods like this, she really didn’t want to see or talk to anyone else. Well, except him. “I know all about that,” Cora said, breathing a heavy sigh that caused the fringe of her bangs to lift upward. She had Dawson…well, it had been a rocky road. Right when she thought that they were ready to become more, things had become too busy. She was busy with her studies, he was busy with Quidditch. She supposed they both had left each other behind, but that meant she understood…at least marginally…what the woman was saying.

Cora looked away from the woman, so she could hide her emotions. She didn’t deserve to pity herself for this. After all, she had made her choices and she had chose Lufkin. Dawson had chosen Quidditch. “And everyone just expects you to move on and…get over it. It sucks,” she said folding her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry. For whatever you’re going through.”

She bit down on her lip before she looked back and held out her hand. “Cora, by the way. Do you work here?”

It was hard, but life was harder than just this. She had so much life to live and she didn’t want something as stupid as this. It was just a break up after all. She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked at the younger woman. ”It shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t hurt so fucking much. “ She said softly her eyes lingering on the other woman’s for a moment before moving away to watch as people parted to go around them.

They expect you to not feel anything, and just like the world is still turning, even when it isn’t.” She knew the pain, she knew that feeling numb was supposed to be a good thing. It was supposed to be okay, she was supposed to be able to be okay, and she wasn’t. She just wasn’t. ”It’s hard to say goodbye, even when there is no love there, but he meant so much more than he should have to me. “

Taking the hand she shook it softly. ”I’m Arianna, and I do. I am the assistant to Kurt Finnegan, who is the head of the improper use of magic office. “

“It’s nice to meet you,” Cora said quietly as she let go of the other woman’s hand. She could practically see and hear the hurt that was surrounding this woman — feel it every time she opened her mouth or her green eyes happened to lock onto hers. Cora didn’t have to wonder what happened to Arianna, at least, she could summarize based on what the woman was saying. It was either a break-up or a death and neither of them were particularly wonderful.

“Goodbyes are never easy…especially since you probably did love them at some point in time,” Arianna seemed like she needed someone to talk to and, seeing as Cora was avoiding heading up to the Muggle Excuse-Worthy Department, she was more than happy to hear her out and offer whatever advice she could. Of course, she was quite a bit younger than the woman, but Cora had always been an old soul in some ways. “Husband? Boyfriend?”

She knew the question risked drudging up new wounds, but the woman needed to tell someone and Cora was here. She looked at Arianna, suddenly putting herself in her shoes. The hurt was universal — losing someone always felt like a pit in the center of her heart. She remembered the day that Diane, her mother, had died. It had nearly destroyed her. Honestly, she wasn’t sure that she would have made it out if it had’t been for Dawson. ‘I could be like Dawson,’ she thought…even though the reminder of her friend pulled a certain sad melody out of her heartstrings.

Arianna let go of the other woman’s hand and nodded her head. She spotted one of her co-workers and asked the to take Kurt his lunch, giving and excuse. At least that way he would not be angry with her for taking so long, and she could keep talking to the young woman. She just didn’t feel like going back to her desk just yet. ”The pleasure is all mine. She said in a trained response before wincing and biting her lip.

”Boyfriend, I guess you could say. Almost a year.” She said with a nod and sighed. She wanted more of a relationship than what she had. A few kisses and holding hands had been cute and all, but she wanted love. She wanted fire. She wanted what she read of in books. Not to act like child with a playground crush. DId she feel bad for thinking that way? Yes, one hundred and fifty percent. Did that change the way she felt? Not at all.

”He broke things off and left the Ministry. His name was Seamus.”

There was a part of Cora that knew exactly what Arianna was talking about. Sometimes, relationships blurred lines and somewhere, among those blurred lines, strong feelings were forged. Perhaps not feeling that fit into traditional molds…Cora wondered if that was the reason the woman had tacked ‘I guess you could say’ onto the end of her sentence. Bringing a hand up to her cheek, she brushed a stray curl away from her face and nodded, offering the girl a sign of solidarity. “A year’s a long time to just break things off,” she said quietly.

Thinking of Dawson a few moments before had left her unsteady, almost in the same boat as the woman in front of her. He had been her best friend and he could have been something more. But their timing never had lined up. Perhaps that was what Arianna was experiencing now. “I’m sorry. I know that couldn’t have been easy.” She tried on a gentle smile, but it seemed ill-fitting on her lips. Instead, she let it fade slightly, into a more solemn expression. “But here you are…still going strong,” she said, giving the girl a gentle nudge with her hand. “And that says a lot about you and your strength, you know?”