We Are Water

Lucy Janet MacGuffin | Ellanora's Outfit

She knew that she needed to do better. That much Ella was perfectly aware of. That she didn't do enough to really make herself a MacGuffin. She was a Mountbatten-Wentzell. And she always would be. No matter how much she groomed herself to fit this part, that was always going to be who she had been first. That was going to be who she was at heart. She was její matka dcera. There was no doubt about that, and yet, Ellanora knew that she wasn't exactly like Anicka. She knew that her matka was happy now, and that was something, but Ella didn't think that she would ever be that strong. That was something that she would spend her entire life trying to replicate, and yet, she didn't know if she could pull it off. Her own life was a far cry different than její matka. She knew that there were things that she could do that would make her far more like her, but Ella thought that she was doing just fine on her own. She was doing just fine learning what it took to balance being both. She was both now, and that was what she had to remember. 

Being a healer helped. She had been in the hospital all day, picking up a weekend shift in the clinic wasn't really that big of a deal, but she knew that studying to be a psychiatrist was different than being in the JT Ward. But she thought that both were particularly necessary. She was studying psychology at university, and she was working on becoming a proper healer. Two Healers MacGuffin. Lord and Lady MacGuffin were both going to have that title to go with their names, and she knew that Elliot hadn't really been expecting her to go that route when he had married her. She knew that she had surprised everyone when she had chosen to go the practical healer route, instead of the office sessions, and the couches, and all of that. That was something that she wanted to be trained to do, but there was so much mental illness that could effect them all in other ways, that Ellanora considered this to be a proper thing for her to learn, and study. Merlin forbid that she ever find herself on that throne in Prague, but if that day came, she wanted to at least say that she was brilliant at something. And a healer was nothing to scoff at. 

She knew that there was more to it than that. She knew that that wasn't the only reason she had chosen the path that she had, but she thought that it made sense. That really, all of her reasons made sense. Ella was looking at her career from the practical standpoint as well. They were young, they would have children at some point. She didn't want to be a surgeon, she didn't want to be something demanding that would take her away from her children at all hours of the night. She wanted something that she could do that came with more stable hours. That didn't come with such the adrenaline rush that people said that they got from other things. There was more to all of it than that. There was more to the magical side of mental illness than she wanted to think about either. But tonight she wasn't supposed to be thinking about medicine at all. She was supposed to be spending the night out with her sister-in-law, and she knew that she needed to focus on that, and not on medicine. It was slowly creeping its way into her consciousness about everything though. 

Tucking her hair behind her ear Ella made her way up the stairs to the box in the theater. She had sent a note ahead, she had said that she was coming, and she had used a name that she didn't often use. Her Royal Highness, Princess Eleanora of Czechoslovakia. She didn't want just any seats, she had wanted the best seats in the house, and upon coming into the building she had handed her shawl to one of the men that had greeted them with a followed a second one up the stairs. "I hope you don't mind..." The brunette witch smiled over at the blonde as they ascended the stairs, "I pulled some strings." When the door to the private balcony box opened she tucked her chin in response to the man that bowed only a fraction with his head as he opened the door and stood aside for her. "This is supposed to be the best box in the theater." Ella had watched a few shows here over the years, but she had been too caught up in actually being in the ballet to worry about seeing too many. She had heard that the orchestra for tonight was supposed to be fantastic though, and she was very much looking forward to it. 

We Are Water

Literature, painting, music, three beautiful art forms that were performed and consumed by all humankind. And yet, there were countless nuances in all three areas that set apart trash from true art. And a true pureblood lady knew this difference by instinct and would never misjudge. Or so Aunt Eleanor claimed. She also claimed that Lucy had bad to no taste, and most of the time, Lucy couldn’t care less. She was not a great connoisseur of the arts, this much was true and she would never claim differently. She wrote a lot of letters but never cared to express herself elegantly. She read books, and as long as the story was entertaining enough, she’d consider it a pleasant pastime. Yet, if made to choose between Shakespeare and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, she wouldn’t hesitate a second to select the latter. She had no patience for painting. She had once learnt the theory and there were still various sketches in her drawing map at her parents' that she would never finish. She enjoyed losing herself in landscape paintings, especially of French impressionists (thanks to a dog named Monet). But there her interest stopped. She could and loved to dance, and she was a moderately decent piano player, though she knew little else but Chopin’s Mazurkas and Polkas. I she listened to songs, she preferred French pop. And that was all her musical interest.

On the whole, Lucy did not think that she was a cultural illiterate, but she was well aware that she was in no art well versed enough to make conversation for more than ten minutes. She didn’t view it as a fault usually. Most of her friends were not experts on all three fields either, and there was no need to feel like an ignoramus. Everybody had different interests and different areas of expertise. Why should a Healer and Magizoologist student be able to be eloquent where the art of writing, drawing, or playing instruments were concerned? Only Aunt Eleanor could really believe that any person on this planet was able to not be a professional performer and yet be excellently informed. Or so Lucy had thought. Until she had got to learn more about her sister-in-law. As Lucy had very limitate knowledge about art, she could not truly judge how much Ellanora really understood of these matters. But that she knew more than Lucy, that much was clear. Then again, of course her sister-in-law was perfect. If one person on earth could live up to Aunt Eleanor’s ridiculous concepts of what a true lady was supposed to be, it was Ellanora. That was maybe why she had been so proud that Cora was engaged to Alaric. He was also very cultured while Cora… Cora was normal. Her cousin was the sort of person who it was absolutely effortless to talk to. Not that Lucy had a problem talking to Ellanora, but there were always moments where she couldn’t help but feeling awed.

And this, all of this, the building, her sister-in-law’s look and behaviour and how she was treated, was inspiring awe in her to the highest degree. She hadn’t hesitated a second when Ellanora had asked her whether she’d like to accompany her to a play. First, spending time with her beloved Elliot’s wife was something she loved. It would have been even lovelier if Elliot had been able to come with them, but then it was also nice that it was just the two of them. Second, Lucy hardly ever went to the theatre. Louis was studying it, she knew that and when she had the time she went to the performances at university. It was fun. But she had so much to do with the hospital, the university, and helping at the animal shelter that she didn’t go out much. So the last time she had been at a professional performance, she might have been nine. It had been a children version of the Magic Flute, and she had loved it because of the many animals that had come when the prince had played his flute. Oh, and that lady with the stars on her dress had sung a lot of high notes. Other than that, Lucy was a complete novice where performance art was concerned.

So she was nervous. She didn’t care about living up to Aunt Eleanor’s expectation (she couldn’t anyway, so why trying?), but with Ellanora it was something very different. She was so perfect that Lucy was sometimes afraid of being vulgar. It would be embarrassing if her sister felt ashamed because of her. And it was so beautiful here. And Ellanora was looking so beautiful too. Not that Lucy wasn’t wearing one of her best dresses and even heels (though not too high), but she was convinced that even if she were dressed like the Queen of Saba, she’d never be as elegant as her sister. “Oh, you know me,” she answered, flattening her dress nervously. “I don’t need anything special, but this is… it’s splendid.” She smiled excitedly. Of course she didn’t mind anything Ellanora did. If her sister planned something, then the plan was perfect. She sat down in one of the chairs in the box, her eyes travelling over the dark red curtain, up to the painted ceiling, the chandelier, and the golden ornaments until her eyes returned to the woman next to her. “So, this play… it’s a tragedy, right?”

Being who she was had never been a problem for Ella before now. She had never had to think about her actions, and whether or not they represented who she was. Because she had been a Mountbatten-Wentzell, and she had been raised in the image of her matka. She had been raised to do nothing that could make either family find fault with her. She had been raised in grace, and elegance. She had been raised to do ballet and play the cello. She had been raised to emulate her matka in every way, and there were many times when she thought that she succeeded in exactly that. That she was exactly who she needed to be a good majority of the time. But then she had become a MacGuffin, and that was a different type of family all together. That was something that she had to remember. That she had to try and wrap her mind around. That when she helped Lida clean the cottage in her heels, and her diamonds, that wasn't something that a MacGuffin would do. The fact that they had a house elf at all was something that was entirely un-MacGuffin like.

The little thing had been a gift from Matka when she had gotten married, and Ella loved her. Lida was young, and she thought that she must take secret lessons from Kreta on how to give her that same look that Matka's elf gave her, and she said 'Princezna' in that same disapproving tone. Ella knew that tone all too well. It had been center stage yesterday when she had decided that she wanted to do this with her sister-in-law, and she had been pulling strings to get it done. The little elf had not approved of her throwing her name around like that to get what she wanted, and she had heard that exasperated 'Princezna' more than once as the little thing had shaken her head at her. She knew that she deserved it, but still. It was cute to be chastised by the elf for something that she knew that her matka would do too. Ella knew that she put quite a bit of stock in being like Matka. But she was the best role model that she could think of. She was strong, and she was beautiful, and she thought that she was happy. That, more than anything was the one thing that Ella wanted out of her life. She just wanted to be happy. And she wanted Elliot to be happy.

It was a lot to ask for, and she knew that. She knew that asking for happiness was asking for the entire world to play its cards in your favor, but she thought that it was possible. Looking at her family now, as it grew, and changed, as they all settled into the better people that they were becoming, she just wanted everyone to end up happy. And she knew that she had Elliot had talked about it. About the differences in who they were, and what they wanted. In how they had been raised, and what they were going to do with children of their own. It would be a balancing act, and she knew that. But she worried. Ella worried nearly all the time, that she was not the right fit for this family. That she didn't belong as a MacGuffin. That there were people that thought that they were going to 'go Dark' or something, because she was a Mountbatten-Wentzell. Because of who she was, and what her family represented. Ella knew that there was a darkness in her. She knew that it was there, and she knew how to control it. Ella had a good handle on her demons.

Being who she was, was just something that they were going to have to accept from her. Ella wasn't going to change herself to appease anyone. She had seen the damage that that had done in her own life. She had seen the person that her matka had relaxed into now that she was safe and loved. Ella wanted to be that person. She wanted to be safe, and loved, and she thought that she was. That so long as Elliot didn't have a problem with her darkness, they were going to be okay. It wasn't Elliot that she had invited out with her tonight, though she didn't think that he would have minded spending a night off together. No, instead she had decided that she was going to spend it with Lucy. Ella tipped the man that brought them up with a coin from her purse and asked him to bring them some champagne before she watched him leave and then sank into the chair next to the blonde. "I believe so. I'm afraid I've never actually watched too many things in the theater. These were just Matka's choice of seats when she comes to the ballet."

Since the winter she had reduced her work at the hospital. She couldn’t work there and at the same time ignore the fact that it was the most unhealthy thing to spend the night hurrying through St Mungo’s corridors, only to hasten to university the next morning. There was only so much that magic could do until exhaustion set in. Nothing could replace a good night’s rest, and considering how much she loved to nurse anybody who came near her, it might not be the worst idea to also look after her own health. But there was so much that she needed (or rather wanted, Lucy didn’t draw that line very clearly) to do. There were the sick at the hospital who she wanted to be around and support, there were the animals at the Muggle animal shelter that demanded a lot of love, there were her courses at university that were absolutely exciting. There was so much without even mentioning her friends who had a right to spend time with her. Corwin never missed an opportunity to complain about how little they got to see each other.

Yet, she was happy for the most part. It was a lot, but she could manage. Admittedly, Lucy could not imagine any scenario in which she wouldn’t be happy. There was no day so rainy that she couldn’t betray herself into thinking that she saw one or the other beam of sunlight. And what else did she need? Truly miserable she had only ever been during the first few days after Elliot’s injury when there had been legitimate reason to fear for his life. Yet, he recovered. She dared to be confident, and she was right. From the moment that he was strong enough to listen to her, she had promised him that one day he would be able to walk on his own again. That he would find a profession he could love, even if it might no longer be with dragons. If she had a prophetic talent, she couldn’t have been more correct. Even if he might be an ounce happier if he could work with dragons, Elliot was now the most fortunate man ever. And partly this was due to his wife.

She had seen Ellanora often in her brother’s company back at Hogwarts, but it had never occurred to her that one day they would be related. The older girl had been so much more refined and polished than Lucy was or even wanted to be. She was exactly the type of person that Aunt Eleanor would have pointed at and said, “Why can’t you be more like her?” and Lucy would have rolled her eyes and run away to climb up a tree and try (and spectacularly fail) to strike up a conversation with a Bowtruckle. “This is going to be a ballet?” she asked, more and more convinced that she was out of place. It was far too refined here for her. She was happier when she could do something with her hands, even if it were emptying the stables of Augeas. It was nothing but annoying that people like her aunt would like at her and wrinkle their noses, claiming that a lady did not concern herself with faecal matters of animals. She was studying Magizoology, and to know how to clean out the places where the animals were kept was part of the curriculum. And she did enjoy it. It was maybe odd, a tiny little bit odd, but she did. It meant being near the animals, and it also was a clear indicator of the beasts’ health.

If only there were dragons in today’s play. Then again, didn’t all dragons in operas get killed? So maybe it was better that they were about to watch… whatever they were about to see. She had briefly looked at the program but hadn’t had enough time to look anything up, which she now regretted. What if she didn’t understand at all what was happening on stage and ended up asking stupid questions? It wasn’t like she could pretend to be all well informed while she was just staring at the stage in confusion. She didn’t have that amount of acting talent. Like, at all. She normally prided herself on her honesty, but tonight she wished she were a better liar. “I’m sorry, I must have things mixed up,” she said, glancing back at her sister-in-law. It was hopeless, she would never be anywhere even approximately as refined as her. And usually she wouldn’t care, but she was close kin now, Elliot’s, dearest, most perfect Elliot’s, wife. She couldn’t let her brother down, and have his wife think that she was a simpleton. “If I’m about to embarrass you, tell me,” she said, voicing her fear. “I’ll try to improve.”

we are water we flow and flow

Growing up she thought that she was going to have to learn to be someone that she wasn't. Ella didn't think that anyone was really prepared to grow up in the way that they had. They had titles, and stations, and expectations that didn't come with normal lives. They were not normal, and Ella had never had to worry about that before. No one was worried about the fact that she wasn't normal, except her. When she had suggested that Elliot marry her, she hadn't thought that there was going to be anything wrong with that. She hadn't let it really sink in that that was what they were going to do. That getting married didn't really solve anything. It fixed the problem of him having to marry someone that he didn't know. That it did solve, and that had been why she had done it in the first place, but Ella didn't know what it had done for her in the long run. Married her into a family that she had to make a conscious effort to fit into… That was really all that this was. That was something that was a constant in her life now. Making sure that she wasn't too Mountbatten-Wentzell, to really be a MacGuffin. And there were times when that was easier than others. She knew that when she was with Elliot, and they were alone, there was no one that really had to worry about what they were doing, or seeing, or any of it. They didn't have to worry about things like that. But she thought that that was fleeting. Because there were plenty of times when she thought that it was important to do something else, something that was going to make her fit better into the mold that was more grey than it was light, and she knew that they were walking a narrow and winding road here. One that didn't really allow much room for screwing up. Ella knew that she couldn't make too many mistakes here, not when there were people that it felt like they were just waiting for her to fail. They were waiting for something to happen, where she was going to have to make a choice, and she was going to choose the thing that she had been raised to choose. She was going to make the choice that labeled her for exactly what she was. The daughter of Death Eaters. But Ella was not ashamed of that. She was not ashamed of who she was, and where she had come from. Those were not things that she thought that she needed to apologize for. They were just things that made her much more her, than like Lucy. There were plenty of times when she knew that she was around the MacGuffins, and she found herself trying to immolate her sister-in-law. She knew that she needed to be more open, more accepting. That there were things that she needed to work on that would make her much more 'MacGuffin', and yet, she knew that she wasn't trying as hard as she could have been. She was still her, she was still Ella. She was still a princess, and a countess, and everything else that went with what she was now. What she had to be. She was Elliot's wife, and that was what should have come first, that was what she had been raised to put first, but she couldn't, not always. Not when she still wanted a career, and a name, and something other than being his wife. She had seen what that sort of life had done for her matka, she knew that Matka had gotten to be herself too, in the long run, but she wasn't going to stay at home until Elliot got his heir, just because tradition said that she should. Ella knew that she was worth more than that. She was going to be a healer, and she was going to learn, and be good at it. Shaking her head, she looked over at Lucy, "I don't think so. The last time that I was here I was in the ballet." She hadn't gotten to watch all that many shows here, and she did miss ballet sometimes. Though she thought that it was good that Constance got to take the spot that had been hers. She didn't want to go back, not now that she had found the answer at the hospital. After working with Matka's healers and figuring out what it was that she wanted to do, Ella thought that she had come up with a dual specialty that would be in a niche all her own for a little while, but she was okay with that. She thought that it was something that they were going to need, and it paired two things that she knew that she loved. Looking down at the playbill that she had been handed on the way in, she shook her head again, "Just a play." Her eyes drifted back up to Lucy as she spoke again, "You're not embarrassing me! You're perfectly fine, můj drahý."

Usually, there was nothing easier than to just be — to exist without ever considering how she appeared to others. Life was far too present to waste any time thinking of whether she was behaving in a way her aunt would approve of. Nobody else but her aunt cared anyway what she was doing in what fashion. And whatever it was she intended to do, she could count on her aunt opposing her anyway. So she didn’t care what the other woman said. She did pay a little more attention to her mother, but she also didn’t hear as much nonsense from her. From her, she would mostly just hear inquiries whether she was not doing too much. And she wasn’t. She loved what she was doing, making it easy for her to have enough time for everything. At least most of the time. There were some papers she’d have to write at the end of the semester, meaning she had to spend a lot of time in the library, which was her least favourite part of studying. She was far rather outdoors, observing and looking after the creatures they were covering. But reading and writing were necessary for studying, so she readied herself for having to sit around in a dark corner in about two months’ time.

She wouldn’t complain, at least she’d try. Maybe she’d take a month off at St Mungo’s when exams approached. She hated the idea, but it would be the reasonable course of action. And she wanted to be reasonable. Adult. Reliable. All things considered, Lucy thought that she was. But somehow she seemed to have trouble to make others believe so to. Maybe it was because she tended to have dirt and grass stains all over her robes and jeans and… basically whatever she was wearing for more than a few hours. Because after some time she needed to get outside. There was always one or the other animal that she could feed so that she had to crouch down on the grass. Or at the very least she needed to lean against a tree. It was calming. She liked the feeling of the rough bark on her skin. And it made her feel alive. To be in contact with nature was a physical need for her, and she didn’t see why she should fight it. Well, she did when she had to dress up for anything fancy. And she did like that too. For about two or three hours. Then, she’d seen enough pretty people, behaving formally. She’d be tired of dancing. She’d want quiet. She’d want to lie down in the garden, in the grass, and look up at the sky.

Was this immature? She didn’t think so. Whenever there had been some sort of official event to which she had been invited for whatever reason. It wasn’t like she didn’t love to dress up elegantly. But she always felt like she was participating in a masquerade. She felt a little ridiculous. At least she could most of the time have Corwin with her. He wouldn’t care whether what she did was right and proper. Not that she didn’t behave well. After all, she didn’t want to embarrass her family — well, maybe her aunt. But then her aunt was embarrassed by her even if she didn’t do anything. She probably even breathed wrongly in Aunt Eleanor’s opinion. Not that she cared. She had to breathe and nobody would be able to hinder her. All in all, Lucy thought that she did an alright job at being a well-educated young woman whenever circumstances brought her into circles where something like that was required. And it wasn’t like that wasn’t nice once in a while.

She had just not predicted that she’d feel such pressure to be her sociably presentable self whenever she was with her sister-in-law. She didn’t really know why. It wasn’t like Ellanora had ever told her that she wasn’t up to her standard. Lucy had never detected even the slightest sign that her sister thought her silly. So it wasn’t a notion that she could explain why she always felt inept in her presence. Like she couldn’t do anything properly. It didn’t bother her with anyone else, on the contrary, she thought pretty much everybody else who came along as “elegant” was just being silly. “Oh, yes, you used to dance, didn’t you?” she replied, trying to stop herself from glancing around too much. “Ballet always looks so painful. My muscles get sore from looking at it.” She bit her tongue. That last bit had been unnecessary. She wished she knew when it was time to shut up. She tried to return Ellanora’s smile. “Muy what?” she asked. It had sort of sounded like dragon. But that wouldn’t make sense. Probably she should start learning Czech. Delay learning Romanian. But if she wanted to go to the Dragon Sanctuary there, she really wanted to know the language. And learning both… she wasn’t really that good with language, and Romanian had definitely the advantage that it was close to French. Why couldn’t all humans just speak the same language? It would make things so much easier.

We Are

Water

Ella knew that this was different. That growing up, and getting married, and everything that she had done since Otec had died, was different than the way that Matka had wanted her to do it. She knew that she had married Elliot, because he had needed a wife. And because she was his friend. And because she didn’t want to have to worry about being sold off in some political move. The one selfish thing that she had done in her life, was marry Elliot. Because it had been an out. It had been an easy out, for her. She didn’t think that she believed in love. She never had. There hadn’t been any good examples of it. Not growing up. Not when there was something that Matka was always hiding. Not when Ares had had a string of women in his bed. Not when Teta had had Zamir. Nothing had looked right. Nothing had looked like love. And that was probably a terrible thing to think, but she thought that it was true. None of this was love.

If someone asked her to point out love now, she thought that she would point at Matka. At Malcolm. She thought that that was what love was supposed to look like. It was supposed to look like someone that would kill for you, to protect you. It was supposed to look like that look in their eyes when they looked at each other. The feelings that she picked up on when she was around them. The sense of peace that seemed to surround her matka now that she was safe in Nottingham with him. Ella thought that that was love. And she knew that there was more than one kind. She knew that her matka loved them. She knew that she loved her sestry, and her bratři. She knew that there were other kinds of love. But the love that a wife was supposed to have her for husband. That was something she had never seen before. Not until now.

And she wanted that. Somehow, she thought that she wanted to learn. But she didn’t really believe that it was real. She didn’t believe that it was going to last. And that was a terrible thing to think. Because it was real. She could see it. In Matka. In Hazel. She could see it. She could see that it was real. But Ella didn’t feel it. Elliot was one of her best friends. And she did love him. But she was working on it. She wanted to do better. She wanted to be better. Because he deserved better than her. He deserved better than someone that didn’t know how to love quite right. Because it wasn’t that she couldn’t do it at all. She could. She did love him. Ella simply didn’t love him the right way. She would. She had told herself that she would. That it hadn’t been that long. That she was working on it. They would get there. She would get there.

He was already there. He loved her. And she knew it. Ella knew that he loved her, and that made her feel even worse. She was supposed to love him back. She was his wife. And that, more than anything else, was what mattered here in England. She was a princess, and she was her Matka’s dcera. But she was supposed to be Elliot’s wife. And so she would be. She could handle that. Smiling over at her sister-in-law she nodded, “I held the position that Constance holds now, for several years.” She had loved dancing, and she was still good at it. It hadn’t been injury that had caused her to retire. It had been a calling for something else. “Můj dráhy. It’s a term of endearment.” Put simply it meant My Dear, or Darling. It wasn’t anything fancy, but little terms of endearment were always constant in Ella’s speech. Just one more thing she had picked up from her Matka.

@ lucy - 667 - eléanora's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRPHY 2.0

When once in her life, Aunt Eleanor’s advice on being ladylike would have been welcome — sort of — she couldn’t properly remember how that extensive list went. She probably had already committed every single mistake that was possible. It wasn’t really worth fretting about, after all, it was who she was and she was happy with that. In her own opinion, there was no reason to change herself. Why ruin her life when it was perfectly fine? During the almost twenty-three years that she had spent on earth, she had never had the impression that anyone would profit from her being any different than how she was if she was herself — the only person she really knew how to be. So often, when there were balls or charity events or anything else where she was apparently expected to make an appearance at, she had a feeling as if everyone was wearing a mask. Even Corwin would be different from his usual self, not towards her but towards everybody else. And she was left with the task of both appearing as a personality-deprived puppet and trying to have fun. After all, if she was expected to appear there, she didn’t want to ruin her evening all by herself. And her parents hardly went to such events anymore, so she didn’t have to fear to embarrass them. Her mother seemed to be feeling uneasy sometimes, but other than that, Lucy felt that she was being very responsible.

Her aunt might very much disagree with her there, but that was not an opinion she cared much about, if at all. She had never had the impression that Elliot was mortified because of her, and he was the only one that mattered. Maybe Corwin sometimes gave Alaric that feeling, but that was how these two were. And with her cousin being about to marry Alaric, they’d be related too. All the more fun it was for Corwin and her to come up with crazy plans how they’d run away and train dragons and get lost in a jungle. In theory, it was very exciting to get lost somewhere far away though, if she’d go travelling with Corwin after she was completed her studies, she’d certainly be more careful to return in one piece. She wasn’t reckless, a little adventurous maybe, but all in all she loved her family too much to stand the idea of being too long away from them. She needed her parents and Elliot in her life. Since he had married, their family had gained one member more that was inseparably connected to them. One more person that, because necessary in her brother’s life, was also necessary in her own. She of course now needed Ella to be a part of her life. And that was where her problems started.

She did love her sister with all her heart, how could she not? But she didn’t understand her. If it were not for Elliot, Lucy’d think they had nothing in common. But Ella did love her brother, so that showed that in the end they were not that different. It was perfectly logical, but sadly of little use now, surrounded with splendour and etiquette that was usually only annoying but now scared her. She had to behave correctly. She couldn’t embarrass her sister. Anyone, but not her sister. Yet, everything she did or said, she questioned a second later. “I don’t know much… anything about ballet,” she said, chagrined. “It looks so… I’ve no idea how it is possible to remember all these weird, twisted movements.” And there it was again. This was not exactly how she was supposed to describe ballet, was it? Yes, indeed, everything she said today was the wrong thing. “Ah, I thought so,” she replied. “So that’s Czech?” There was not really any other option. Unless Ella also knew Ainu or Mermish or whatever existed out there. Not that it would surprise Lucy all too much if she actually did.

We are water

I feel you pouring through

Every inch of my soul

Maybe she hadn’t gone about this in the way that the rest of the world did. And maybe she hadn’t even gone about it in the traditional pureblood, or royal, way. But she had done it anyway. Gotten married. Found someone that she was going to spend the rest of her life with. She was going to make him happy. That was her first priority. Making sure that Elliot was happy. Everything else came second. Ella knew that that wasn’t right, she knew that that wasn’t how the world was supposed to work. They were supposed to be past that. They were supposed to have moved on with their lives, and they were supposed to be stronger, better. They weren’t supposed to fall into the ways of the past. But it wasn’t that easy. Ella knew that it wasn’t that easy. They were still going to have to follow those rules. She had only ever known those rules. Seen life lived that way. A series of broken relationships. Nick’s other Aunt and Uncle were the only steady relationship she thought that any of them had seen.

And that seemed strange, from the outside. Her parents had been married for thirty-one years. It wasn’t something that Ella thought that people really expected from them, not knowing what a proper relationship looked like. But there was nothing proper about that marriage. It looked good on the outside. Every detail was taken care of, right down to the very placement of every hair on Matka’s head. Everything was arranged. Everything was perfect. And that alone was an indicator that something was wrong. It hadn’t been Ella’s place to do anything about it. She didn’t even know where to start. Not when Otec had been alive. Not when she knew that Matka had told them again, and again, that they weren’t to worry. That everything was fine. Ella knew, intrinsically, that she had to listen to Matka. They all had to listen to Matka.

Looking too closely into her own history. Looking into what happened to Matka, into where they had come from, who they all were, she didn’t want to think about it. There were some things that Ella knew that she knew, but that she couldn’t say. Questions, that she wanted to ask. That she still wanted to ask, because she thought that there was something in the answers. But she didn’t want to hurt her matka. She didn’t want to ask those questions, as much as she did, Ella didn’t want to hurt anyone. And that was what kept her silent. Did she want to know the truth? Yes, she did. She wanted to know if everything that she knew to be true was real or not. But she would have to figure it out on her own, and she would have to figure it out before they went forward. Before she and Elliot went forward.

They were married, eventually they would start thinking about a family of their own. They were going to have some major things to talk about before then though. They were going to have to try and figure out what was going to work for them. They would though, they would figure out how to work together, and how to be okay. There was more to Eleánora than met the eye, she had made sure of that. Things were not always as they seemed. “It takes practice, and discipline, that’s for sure. Matka enrolled us all when we were toddlers. Ballet at three was not quite as intense as it was at twenty-three.” She nodded at her sister-in-law’s question, “Ahoj.” Another simple, Czech word. Czech lessons had become a part of her and Elliot’s everyday lives. It was Ella’s first language, after all. The language that she and all of her siblings, and Nick, had been taught first. The one that they heard around home. It was the one that she used more often than not. “It means ‘my dear’ or ‘my darling’, there’s no true translation of that word.”

@ lucy • 674 • eleánora's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

If she were here tonight with Corwin, she might have more fun. Lucy was almost shocked that she was thinking this. That this was indeed the truth. Spending time with Corwin meant behaving like five-year-olds again, laughing at everything and not thinking things over — at least when there was just the two of them. If they went to some snobby events together, which she preferred to go through with him as there was usually nothing amusing to see or hear but her friend, he’d also act a part like everybody else. But at least he was himself when talking to her. And she’d usually also try to be as stiff-mannered as seemed to be expected at such events. She tended to spectacularly fail as Aunt Eleanor loved to point out all the time, but she didn’t care. As long as she was happy and wasn’t hindering the happiness of everybody else, she wouldn’t change who she was. As far as she could see, there was nothing wrong with how she led her life. Her aunt hated it, but then Lucy hated everything that her aunt loved and never had had the impression that anybody but the woman herself really stood behind her sermons. If she was careless and silly and always laughing, there could be nothing wrong with that.

Except that it made her feel so out of place whenever she was with Ella. She had been delighted when her sister had suggested going to this play She had wanted to come here. She had wanted to spend time with her sister. She still wanted to. And she was happy that they were here now, spending time together. She wanted to have the best of relationships with Elliot’s wife because this woman was practically Elliot himself and she loved no one better in the world than her brother. So she should feel the same way about Ella. That was how it was supposed to be after all. A married couple was as good as one person, nothing separating them. A true couple married because only together they were whole. Lucy was not entirely sure how this really worked for she felt fairly complete already without being married. Maybe she’d only notice once she met the right person. It was only fair if things were organized this way. Otherwise, someone might stay incomplete their whole lives simply because they never stumbled over their missing piece due to circumstances out of their control. Then they’d be aching all their lives, and this would be terribly unfair. The own emptiness could only truly be understood when it had been filled with meaning by the person that would stay with her all their lives. Thinking about it like this, Lucy wasn’t even sure whether she wanted this. There was just something awfully significant about getting married. Yes, she was sure that true marriages, like her brother’s was of course, were something to be treasured, but at the same time, they were also scary. If an accident were to happen to one half of such a couple, it would leave a wound behind in the other that couldn’t heal. And while there might be a certain harmony in couples that died within a few days, the harmony was only there if the couple was old. What if one of them would suddenly die from, say, stumbling upon a Chimaera on holidays? It was bad enough to imagine how it would feel to lose anyone of her family. Seeing her brother suffer had been the worst nightmare of her life. To think that there could be worse pain made her shiver. Maybe it was better never to find the love of her life and just stay a happy single until the end of her days.

But death or marriage or falling in love or not were not her problems right now. Right now she wanted to not embarrass her sister but do everything correctly — whatever correct was. Just imitating everything that Ella did. That couldn’t be so wrong even without a ballet background. Though where or why Ella had seen a ship was inexplicable. She had never heard someone say “ahoy” but in stories. “Oh, right, makes sense,” she said. “Czech sounds so interesting. Is it very different from English?” Could she also learn it? Theoretically, yes, but practically she spent so much time at the hospital and at university that it would be difficult. And she wanted to learn a bit of Romanian for when she went to the dragon reserve there. She wasn’t that strong with languages…