I've seen your face before my friend, but I don't know if you know who I am

@dean

Sobriety was hard, touring sober was harder but the hardest thing was facing the reality that he had done this to himself. He had ruined his life time and time again. Whether he was Spencer or Fenix he was fucking up every time that he turned around. His fiance had died because of his addiction. Her as well, but the man knew with more feeling than he could ever convey that it was his fault alone. It wasn’t that there weren’t the words, but he could never form them into enough of a sentence to be able to tell her family how sorry he was, he had never been able to forgive himself. In the time since her death he had not fallen off the wagon once. He had wanted to, after seeing Zara with her ring and her swollen belly.

He had wanted it all to end then and there to fill his pockets with rocks and sink into the water slowly. He had wanted the life that he knew to end, but then his sponsor told him something that really made sense. He was only going to hurt himself if he continued down the path that he was on. He was only going to make himself worse. He couldn’t hate her for moving on with her life, and those thing happened. He couldn’t fault her for loving someone who might be better for her. He didn’t want to think that he was not good enough for her, but she obviously thought so. Based on her background and family he wasn’t shocked, and it no longer hurt if he saw her out and about smelling of vodka and shame.

He wanted what she had, not because she was who he had once wanted, but he wanted the marriage, the happiness, the children. He wanted a life partner and someone that he could rely on to the there for him for the rest of his life, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to have that or not. His way of dealing with the want of affection was simple. He merely needed an outlet and he chose something simple and easy. He pickeed a dog. The shelter had been a small one but one that he was very pleased to go to and he had found the cutest bulldog with the saddest face he had ever seen. So he had taken the mutt home and now they were a pair, thick as thieves.

He had take Dodger to the park. He was sitting on the bench throwing the stick as Dodger would bring it back before sprinting off. The little shit was a lot of fun and he took him damned near everywhere that he could. He smiled as the dog came to lay in his lap for some love just as someone approached him. He gave a smile to the man and nodded his head. ”Well, ‘ave a sit, if it strikes ya fancy.”

I'm A Colt In Your Stable

I'm What Cain Was To Abel

Sometimes he just needed to get out of where he usually roamed to get out of his head, or just to get a short break from the guys so he could go back to being who he was instead of the grouch he tended to become. Both of the shops were doing great even though the tattoo parlour had only been open a few weeks, and they didn't need him for most of today anyway. He had a client coming by later to pick up his revamped chevy but he wasn't expected to turn up until later in the evening. It was gonna be a late night, so he thought he'd get out for a but while he was still free. Why not. He was still reeling from what had happened the last few months and while he was wondering how Basia was getting on he also knew it was probably too soon to risk going back into Diagon to nonchalantly seek her out. He was worried, the guys were worried, but as neither Paul nor Gordon knew what the chick looked like there was no point in trying to send one of them to check for him. It was just a matter of biding his time now until opportunity revealed itself, or something to that degree. It was a mess. Plain and simple. It. Was. A. Mess.

What he thought he needed, right about the next few days, was a casual hook up so he could blow off some steam. He hadn't done so in a while now which was almost out of character for him but he also knew one wouldn't be far away if he went looking for it. Maybe after he'd been on his wander, after he'd shut up the shop tonight, he'd head out with Gordon to the local bar and see who was kicking about. It couldn't hurt. It was Paul's turn to open tomorrow anyway so he'd have been sleeping in regardless of where he woke up. Gordon would likely do the same, likely with the bartender or some other older woman who struck his fancy. Smiling to himself, he shoved his hands into his back pockets and sighed, realising he'd walked along to the conservation park from wherever he'd apparated to. He couldn't remember. He'd been thinking. It was almost surprising that he hadn't spliced himself in the process, really, now that he thought about it.

Eventually he got bored, and after spotting someone with their dog near a park bench, he decided to head for it. Boredom loved company, right? Or was it misery? He wasn't miserable though, not by a long shot, and he allowed himself a small but amused quirk to his lips as the guy turned around and spoke to him. He couldn't place his accent or the way he spoke but then that wasn't really any of his business, was it? So he pieced together what he could and nodded, walking around the back of the bench to take a seat. A moment of silence reigned, drawing out, then finally he sniffed and turned back to the guy, then looked down at his dog. It was cute enough, really... Dean hadn't really ever been around dogs that often. But as far as they went he supposed this one was quite cute too. "How goes it, bud?"

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MEL @ ADOXOGRAPHY