Post by Deleted on May 7, 2018 8:31:30 GMT -5
I've seen your face before my friend, but I don't know if you know who I am
@dean
Sobriety was hard, touring sober was harder but the hardest thing was facing the reality that he had done this to himself. He had ruined his life time and time again. Whether he was Spencer or Fenix he was fucking up every time that he turned around. His fiance had died because of his addiction. Her as well, but the man knew with more feeling than he could ever convey that it was his fault alone. It wasn’t that there weren’t the words, but he could never form them into enough of a sentence to be able to tell her family how sorry he was, he had never been able to forgive himself. In the time since her death he had not fallen off the wagon once. He had wanted to, after seeing Zara with her ring and her swollen belly.
He had wanted it all to end then and there to fill his pockets with rocks and sink into the water slowly. He had wanted the life that he knew to end, but then his sponsor told him something that really made sense. He was only going to hurt himself if he continued down the path that he was on. He was only going to make himself worse. He couldn’t hate her for moving on with her life, and those thing happened. He couldn’t fault her for loving someone who might be better for her. He didn’t want to think that he was not good enough for her, but she obviously thought so. Based on her background and family he wasn’t shocked, and it no longer hurt if he saw her out and about smelling of vodka and shame.
He wanted what she had, not because she was who he had once wanted, but he wanted the marriage, the happiness, the children. He wanted a life partner and someone that he could rely on to the there for him for the rest of his life, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to have that or not. His way of dealing with the want of affection was simple. He merely needed an outlet and he chose something simple and easy. He pickeed a dog. The shelter had been a small one but one that he was very pleased to go to and he had found the cutest bulldog with the saddest face he had ever seen. So he had taken the mutt home and now they were a pair, thick as thieves.
He had take Dodger to the park. He was sitting on the bench throwing the stick as Dodger would bring it back before sprinting off. The little shit was a lot of fun and he took him damned near everywhere that he could. He smiled as the dog came to lay in his lap for some love just as someone approached him. He gave a smile to the man and nodded his head. ”Well, ‘ave a sit, if it strikes ya fancy.”
He had wanted it all to end then and there to fill his pockets with rocks and sink into the water slowly. He had wanted the life that he knew to end, but then his sponsor told him something that really made sense. He was only going to hurt himself if he continued down the path that he was on. He was only going to make himself worse. He couldn’t hate her for moving on with her life, and those thing happened. He couldn’t fault her for loving someone who might be better for her. He didn’t want to think that he was not good enough for her, but she obviously thought so. Based on her background and family he wasn’t shocked, and it no longer hurt if he saw her out and about smelling of vodka and shame.
He wanted what she had, not because she was who he had once wanted, but he wanted the marriage, the happiness, the children. He wanted a life partner and someone that he could rely on to the there for him for the rest of his life, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to have that or not. His way of dealing with the want of affection was simple. He merely needed an outlet and he chose something simple and easy. He pickeed a dog. The shelter had been a small one but one that he was very pleased to go to and he had found the cutest bulldog with the saddest face he had ever seen. So he had taken the mutt home and now they were a pair, thick as thieves.
He had take Dodger to the park. He was sitting on the bench throwing the stick as Dodger would bring it back before sprinting off. The little shit was a lot of fun and he took him damned near everywhere that he could. He smiled as the dog came to lay in his lap for some love just as someone approached him. He gave a smile to the man and nodded his head. ”Well, ‘ave a sit, if it strikes ya fancy.”