Yo, people will love you and support you when it’s beneficial
_{I'mma forgive, I won't forget, but I'mma dead the issue}

She was a little shook by what had happened the night before. She wasn't sure how she felt about it, but she wasn't sure how Luxx was feeling either. She hadn't really been able to process it much after he had told her, she had been so tired and she had just gone to sleep but had woken up a few hours later and started doing one of the only things she could do when she was thinking that wasn't smoking the place up and that was cleaning. For some reason, it helped her think and it was something that she couldn't help but do at times like this. She didn't know what she going to do, what he was going to do. It scared her, but she wasn't going to leave him or give up on him or anything stupid like that.

They were in this together, and they would do this together. They would do all of it together because that baby deserved a family, whether or not its parents were together. She washed the dishes and made her decision that if the baby was his, she would make sure that this baby was never put through shit that she was put through. She folding all her laundry and then reorganized the cabinets before going into the living room to wrap presents. She wasnt sure if she was more functional because the potion or because she was freaked out, but honestly she was ready to get this done and over with. She knew what she wanted but not what he wanted.

Would he end things now, if the baby was his? Would he go be with Chey for 'the right reasons'? She opened the box on the table and light the spliff in her fingers as she heard him come into the room. "Sorry if I woke you."

@justin | OUTFIT | 311

Diamonds my state of mind,
I'm drowning in the ocean

Just stay right where you are
and don't come any closer
I'm just gon handle mine
and just maintain composure

Sleep? What was sleep? People didn't need sleep. Fuck, man, he couldn't sleep right now even if he wanted to. His mind was going about one hundred and fifty miles an hour. To think that it would shut up for twenty minutes to let him fall asleep? Inconceivable. Just like that Princess Bride movie it was INCONCEIVABLE! When he had told Z that was just about the clearest his mind had been, but it was a lot to process for them both. He could become a father in a matter of months. If the kid in Cheyenne's belly was his then that was the prognosis, right? In a few months he would be Dad. He would have a baby to look after and a lifestyle to change and.... Fuck.

There were a lot of scenarios running through his mind. Figuring out due dates, figuring out tour dates, album drops, album creations, and figuring out just how the actual fuck he was going to manage this. He had never planned for this. This wasn't something he had foreseen happening, but it wasn't the end of the world. He had always wanted kids. Maybe not in this way, but he had wanted them. If this one was his well it'd just be the start of his family, right? Only.....it was a broken...kinda fucked up family. Maybe it wasn't even his, man! Maybe it wasn't his, maybe it was Van's and he could breathe a sigh of relief.

Only the idea of it being Van's brought him little relief. The way he had acted when Chey had told them, the things he suggested, Justin was hoping it wasn't his. Was it possible for it to be neither of theirs? Because that would be pretty swell. Pretty fantastic. He had already told Cheyenne that no matter the case he would be there for her. His, not his, nobody's-- hell, maybe it was Jesus take two. Either way he would be there because she was his friend-- she was his family, once-- and they could all be there for this kid. A music industry family, all looking out for one another. Her, River, Him, and Z. But not Van, apparently. Fuck, he was still pissed at him.

His mind kept on going the speed of light, despite the peaceful resolution he always seemed to go back to, but he tried anyway to sleep. Justin had laid in bed and tossed and turned for what seemed like ever. He didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to think, and all he could really focus on was the sound of Z cleaning out in the main rooms. It was the sound of her stress, and he felt bad for that. They had finally gotten together, she had finally let him in, and now....this shit. It made him feel guilty, and the fact that she was taking it as well as she was only made things worse on his conscious. Of course she was taking it like a champ, because she was a fucking goddess and he was a total fucking tool.

Justin finally conceded to the fact that sleep wasn't going to happen. He got out of bed, heading to where he had heard her last when he heart the flick of a lighter. He sighed, coming along side her and kissing her temple. "Nah, you didn't. I ain't sleep worth a shit--" Justin rubbed his eyes, as he pulled the chair next to her out and plopped down. He blinked looking at her and the spliff in her hand. A weak smile came on his face as he looked around at the clean flat. Man, he fuckin' wished he'd have a stress cleaning problem. "You been cleaning all morning?" He questioned, looking at her with guilty puppy dog eyes.

@zora | Outfit | Notes:

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

Yo, people will love you and support you when it’s beneficial
_{I'mma forgive, I won't forget, but I'mma dead the issue}

Zora wasn't sure how she was feeling about this, she knew that she loved Luxx and that she wanted to be with him and around him no matter what. He was hers and she was his. This would be just another thing that they took on together, but she wasn't going anywhere, she had no plans to leave him or to tell him to go. She knew what she kept thinking and she knew that it wasn't right and it wasn't healthy. She didn't need that in her life. Well, Chey being pregnant wouldn't change much really for her, but if it was her that was knocked up... maybe things would be different. She wasn't sure what she wanted, or what she expected, hell she wasn't even sure she knew where the feeling came from.

Every day she had told herself that she would never be a mother, would never have a mewling child who would never leave her alone, but there was something about him that made her want to change all of that. He made her want to break her own rules. After all, she had fallen in love with him, and that was the biggest rule of them all. She could have walked away if she wanted to, but he was there for her when she needed him, he held her when she needed it and when those dark things from her past would rise up to haunt her, he would help her to forget. Justin was everything that she needed and this was something that she had never expected. Something much worse than anything else she had ever felt in her entire life. Harsher than anger and stronger than lust. The thing that pulsed through her veins was what often drove those like her to do ridiculous things.

This was nothing she had really ever had reason to face, not since she was young, but yet it knew her by name still. Like the laughter that still haunted her dreams at times, a voice calling to her in the middle of the silence. Somehow cutting through flesh and bone in a heartbeat, fear gripped her like a tight hand on her small arm. She didn't let it show, and she never would but the sudden realization that the baby would change everything made her worry suddenly that things would change between them. What if he changed his mind? Who would want a baby around a freak like her? Hell, she couldn't blame him if he wanted to, maybe he was just trying to find the words.

If she still had her fire she would be out burning things down, she would be doing anything but standing in her kitchen in the throws of a panic attack. She knew she was safe, she knew she was loved, she knew she was home. She had to keep telling herself that and breathing slowly. Nothing bad would happen to her, nothing bad was coming for her, and as she breathed slowly the fuzz around the edges of her world lifted and the fear along with it. Reaching up she ran her hand over her face before giving him a soft kiss and leaning into him before taking a slow drag from the light in her hand and holding it up in offering to him before letting out the smoke. "Nah, didn't sleep. Laid there for a while, but... happens sometimes." She had cleaned the apartment fully, done all of her laundry, unpacked all of her bags from the tour that never got unpacked, organized her closet room, and even watched a movie.

She let her arm go around his waist and shifted so her head was pressed into his chest, her favorite way to sit, stand or lay when she was close by. Her therapist said that it was the sound of his heartbeat that was reassuring, but she just liked the way that her mans smelled. Or that was what she liked to tell herself. "How you feeling?" She asked him, looking up at him, wondering how he was processing everything, it was a lot to take in after all. She was freaked out, but he was the one that it affected more than her and she worried about him a great deal more.

tag: @justin // words:719 // OUTFIT

template by eliza @ TB THQ

DIAMONDS MY STATE OF MIND,
I'M DROWNING IN THE OCEAN

JUST STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE
AND DON'T COME ANY CLOSER
I'M JUST GON HANDLE MINE
AND JUST MAINTAIN COMPOSURE

What had he been thinking? Honestly, like what the actual fuck had went through his head? It was like every remaining cell in his brain was all working in tandem to figure out exactly how this had happened. On a physical level it was pretty obvious, and he knew there was a real possibility he could be this kid's father but... Fuck, man, how had he let this happen? How had it even gotten to the point that it could have happened? It was supposed to be a simple apology and somehow it had ended with him waking up next to her in the morning and he didn't know why. 

It was easy to blame it on the alcohol. It was easy to blame it on feeling like old times, because fuck did it ever feel like old times. It had felt like two years hadn't flown by them at all and she was still his goofy rocker girlfriend, the same one who shared that God awful queen mattress with him, in that God awful flat, with the Grateful Dead blanket tacked up over the window. They were the same. Maybe it had been that distinct familiarity that had made it all possible. She used to take potions. Obviously, she didn't any more, but still. He was grown. He was responsible. And he had let this happen anyway.

Even with all the familiarity of that night having vanished in the morning, he hadn't thought about the possibility of her getting pregnant. The girl who had been so absolutely the same the night before didn't seem that way in the morning, and he had felt....guilty? The vice around his guts had followed him for days following it, though not for any fear of pregnancy but fear of.... Of what? He hadn't done anything wrong. He was single. She was single. People had sex, it wasn't like he didn't have sex with other people it was just... It was beginning to become impossible to deny his feelings any more.

He had wanted to deny them. Deny, deny, deny forever. He was scared. Scared of a lot of things, actually. Afraid that saying something to Zora would make her turn and run, or that he could lose her as a friend. Hell, not just as a friend. He didn't want to lose the girl who would dance with him to their song, no matter if they were in the middle of the fucking grocery store just fucking off. He didn't want to wake up one morning and not be able to send her the most ridiculous texts about the crazy ass dream he had, or the song lyric that just popped into his head, or some bullshit Good Morning Beautiful text. He was all in, and all in on accident. He hadn't expected it, much like he hadn't expected to possibly be some baby daddy, but it was there. And just like the issues he was dealing with with Chey, this was important.

He was scared when he told her, just as he had been before. Thinking she might turn and run, and he wouldn't even fucking blame her. Who in their right mind would want to be a part of this mess, and with someone you just started seeing seriously? In truth he was more afraid of losing her than he was of any scenario involving this unborn child. He worried if it was his what would happen. Not just to him, but to them. Was she just biding her time until they knew before? Was she just going to up and leave-- because he couldn't say shit if she did. Hell, he'd probably help her pack and apologize the whole fucking time. He had 'ruined' shit with Chey once with Z....was he now ruining shit with Z with Chey?

It was a lot to think about, and even more anxiety to try and muddle through. The one thing that had always helped him was smoking up and even the smell coming off the spliff in Zora's hands had a way of calming the anxious vibrations rolling through his muscles. "Same," he sighed, taking the light from her hands and twisting it between his fingers. "I just can't stop thinking about shit. It's irritating." The thick smoke worked through his body in a deep inhale. He held it and let it sit, the taste sticking in his throat and calming the soft shaking in his voice. He hated feeling this way. This nervous, anxious, horrible way. A cloud of smoke came flowing out and he held to the belief that those feelings could go out with it. His own kind of therapy.

Justin wrapped his arm around the beautiful little blonde who was pressed against his chest. He liked having her there. A reason to remember to breathe, to slow down and control his own heartbeat. Her therapist said it was something good for her, but he'd be the first to admit it was good for him as well. Justin breathed in deeply, contemplating her question and feeling the air stick to the ghost of the smoke once in his lungs. "Honestly? Like I fucked up." He said with a chuckle, holding the spliff back out for her to take. "I just...I don't know. I guess I just pictured shit going down differently when I found out I was gonna be a dad, y'know?" He shrugged, dismissing the real thoughts running through his mind. "Kind of figured whenever it happened there wouldn't be a question if I was the dad either." 

Everything sounded like a joke, and in a way it was. He was coping the only way he knew how, even if it meant taking digs at himself to make himself feel better. He knew this wasn't what he wanted. He knew what he wanted. He wanted this mad cleaning woman under him all the time, pressed to his chest like she was listening for buffalo hooves or some shit. He wanted her and he didn't want her to go, but the possibility of her leaving...it was always there. "How're you feelin', baby? I feel like this is a lot of shit to lay on you." His blue eyes fell hesitantly on to her. The words felt like an invitation signed, sealed, and delivered from his mouth. And he knew her RSVP could be a big fat no, I won't stick around in this shit with you. 

@zora | Outfit | Words:

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

Yo, people will love you and support you when it’s beneficial
_{I'mma forgive, I won't forget, but I'mma dead the issue}

In a perfect world, she would be the one that was pregnant. She knew that it was stupid to even think that way, but she had really felt that from the moment that he had told her. She had nothing in her life that made it worth living but Luxx, and all of her life she had said that she would never fall in love. So that had to mean something, right? Maybe this was the reason she never did. He was the one that much she knew and she knew that she never wanted to be parted from him. He was... everything to her. That meant something and some sick and twisted part deep down inside of her knew that meant that there would maybe be kids. She was okay with that. That is the thing that was driving her insane.

Up until now, she had promised herself she would never have kids. She would never do anything so stupid, but he changed things. Laying there with him watching his face as he slept, seeing the stress and tension melt away as he slept, the way that his chest rose and fell as he slept, even the soft smile that would form when she told him she loved him, even in his sleep got her feeling some kind of way. This was it, this was her ride or die and she wasn't going anywhere. This wasn't going to be easy to get through, but they would do this together. She had thought about it when drunk, when sober, and now with a slight high and she knew one thing for sure. She would do this with him for the rest of her life if that is what he wanted.

"Welcome to my life, man. I over think everything unless it's music.' And fire. Music and fire were the two things that she knew how to do beyond anything else, but with her magic being gone it meant that the fire was gone too. She was slowly becoming kind of okay with it, but she missed it. She missed her magic and the way she felt when she could cast wandlessly unlike a lot of people around her. It had made her feel good and different. but... alas. she tilted her head back to look at him and smiled softly as he spoke and took the spliff before setting it on the ashtray and put her arms around his neck easily, hugging him.

After a minute of just holding him she pulled back and spoke. "You did fuck up, Forbes. " She smiled at him though and booped his nose. "It's okay though, we both have our share of shit in our past, and it stinks but we're moving past it, yeah?" Okay, she had offically been in therapy too much. Her small hands put themselves on his face and Zora looked into those beautiful eyes of his.

"Justin Forbes, you listen to me, and you listen good, baby. I love you. I love every part of you, even when you fuck up. I fuck up too, and that is okay. If you are the baby's dad then we will handle it, together. I'm not going anywhere. I'm down for this if you are. I'm your ride or die and this won't change it. " She pulled his head down to press their foreheads together. "It's you and me, Luxxy-poo. No getting rid of me now."

tag: @justin // words:580 // OUTFIT

template by eliza @ TB THQ

DIAMONDS MY STATE OF MIND,
I'M DROWNING IN THE OCEAN

JUST STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE
AND DON'T COME ANY CLOSER
I'M JUST GON HANDLE MINE
AND JUST MAINTAIN COMPOSURE

This was all just so messed up and he didn't even know what to think about it. He had spent enough time trashing on himself about being so fucking stupid. He didn't want to keep doing that, but it was hard. Letting himself get away with poor decisions was hard when they hit at this level. It wasn't like he had been drunk and done some stupid shit like getting kicked out of a bar or dragged off to some drunk tank to sleep it off. He had gotten drunk and created a human fucking life. Possibly. Maybe. Justin had so many mixed emotions about that that it felt as though his head were going to spin completely off.

He was young yet. He was in a real relationship with someone else. One that he thought could fucking outlast the best of them. This...this wasn't supposed to be happening like this. It was killing him inside that there was a possibility that this kid was his. It felt like everything that was going right for him right now was going to get blown all to shit. And he didn't want that. He was happy. Like, really fucking happy. Magic or not, he had everything he wanted sitting with her head pressed against his chest and he didn't want to lose that or fuck that up. But he knew that out of everyone he had the least to lose.

If Van were the father he didn't know what would happen between him and Cat. He loved those two love drunk idiots together and lately he had been noticing that their shit wasn't entirely stable. And that shit in the papers... That shit really happened. If the kid was Van's he thought that it would destroy him more than it could ever destroy himself. Justin could handle this if he had to. He wanted to help Cheyenne handle it. Even after everything that they had been through she was still his friend. Even if the kid wasn't his he wanted to try and be there for her if he could. They were both a long way from home and he thought it was important to have someone out there to lean on when times got rough. Especially someone who knew exactly where you came from.

He had already mentally made the decision to take this on. Even before he had left Cheyenne's flat he had made the decision. He wasn't going to be like Van and tell her to sort it out herself. He couldn't be that guy, even if it wasn't his. When he had come home he had told Z the same damn thing. It wasn't an easy thing to have to say but he knew he could never live with himself with it any other way. That was what was important to him right now. Finding a way to get through this and still be OK with himself, to have everyone around him be at peace with themselves. If that meant Z wanted to turn and run he wasn't going to hold that against her. This shit was heavy and not everyone wanted to carry that. Still, that didn't mean it wasn't going to hurt him terribly if she decided to go.

"I feel that," he nodded, "Music's easy, it's life that's fucking hard." Justin rubbed his fingers into his eyes. Right now trying not to overthink was the hardest part. He didn't want to think what would happen if it was or wasn't his. If Zora was or was not going to stick by him through this shit. He could break his own heart a thousand times over imagining watching her walk away. Somehow that was his greatest fear in all of this. A fear that was only made worse by the fact that it could happen at any given moment and there wouldn't be a goddamn thing he could do about it. Everything was out of his hands. This pregnancy, the woman it was with. Fuck, how different this would all hit if it had been.... If it had been Z instead.

Justin buried his head against her shoulder as Zora hugged him. It brought him a lot of peace to be like that, especially with her. Something about the way she felt in his arms made him feel at home. Even when he was an ocean away from Texas, and in a flat that wasn't even his own. He thought that he could just sit there like that forever. Hunker down and wait it out until Chey had news to deliver him, good, bad, or indifferent. Forever didn't last as she broke their embrace, instead holding his face within her hands. Justin's soft blue eyes locked onto hers as she spoke. He didn't think he had ever heard her say his name like that. Not ever, and it did nothing but pull more at his already weakened heart strings. 

"You're my ride or die," he echoed with a stifled laugh that only served to keep him from crying. Justin could feel the welling in his eyes. Her words spoke comfort to every qualm he had spend his sleepless night worrying about. It was a weight off him. The witch might not have had her fire anymore but the deep blue of her eyes was enough to put out the embers of worry burning in him. Zora pressed her forehead against his own and he smiled weakly. His hands mirrored hers as he took her face in his own hands.

"I love you so fucking much, Z. I don't know what I'd do in this life without you. For real. I'm just so fucking sorry that this shit had to happen right now, like, you shouldn't be stuck cleaning up my messes. We should be making our own messes together, y'know?" Justin chuckled weakly with another sniff. For a moment he looked at her with a thousand wishes and a thousand regrets. If it had just been her, man. Justin's soft orbs drew deep and serious for a moment as he gazed into hers. "I love you." A kiss sealed his words, planted as firmly as they were seated in his heart. Justin withdrew from her, a soft smile starting to pull at the corners of his mouth. "And there ain't no getting rid of you. You're stuck with me, too."

@zora | Outfit | Words: 1064

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

YO, PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU AND SUPPORT YOU WHEN IT’S BENEFICIAL

I'MMA FORGIVE, I WON'T FORGET, BUT I'MMA DEAD THE ISSUE

She had loved him for so long now she could not remember a time when Justing was not the one that she called the most, texted the most. He was everything that she needed in her life, and even when she had tried to cut him out, to dead the issue and just forget about him; he wouldn't let her. He didn't let her ghost him like she had so many others. Any time that something came up, she was usually the first one out the door because she did not want nor did she need that on her plate. Love was a fancy, it was a feeling that leads fools to their deaths, but he was somehow different. He was worth it and she did not have any regrets about it. She had no regrets about the things that they could have or do or go and be. She was right there with him an she was not going to give up. Not on him, not on them, and sure as fuck not on herself.

She had been fighting herself, and her depression alone for so long that she did not know what it even felt like to have someone who wanted to help her that was not paid for it. She like to know that Justin would love her no matter what and she could not help but show him that she loved him back. Yes, times like this when he crazy showed she felt a little worried that he might change his mind, but she wasn't all that worried seeing as they were in her flat. That he came to her, came here to see her. She didn't worry about the things that, she knew that he wanted her at least and she always gave him whatever he wanted. She wished that it had been her that had gotten pregnant, but she couldn't say those things to him. Not now, not when they were so new, but the thought was there in the back of her mind.

She would stay here with him forever if she asked him to, and she would give him her very soul if he asked her for it. She wished she could tell him how much that he meant to her, what he meant to her but something deep down inside of her told her that this was the thing that would show it. Zora Lionetta Kinston was not a woman that a lot of people liked, or probably respected but she loved Justin more than anything else in the world and nothing would change that. Not this or anything else. She smiled back into the kiss and held him tightly. "Pfft, trust me, baby. This ain't shit compared to the things I have seen. " She said as she toyed with his hair with a grin before kissing him again. "I love you too, baby. No refunds, bitch. You're mine now." She said with a laugh before kissing his cheeks over and over.

"Besides, at least now I can say you're my trophy guy, since I am a cougar." " She said before smirking and winkng at him.

tag: @justin words: 528 template by eliza @ tb & thq