Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2019 20:12:40 GMT -5
I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you
never meant to be the one to let you down
If anything, I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt
I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too
If anything, I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt
I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too
May 8th 2018
There was a long list of things that Cat never wanted to have to do, and words that she never wanted to have to say. Among those was Goodbye. She hated the word and having to tell Jaxon and Michael goodbye tonight had hurt more than anything else. She had told them that she was having feelings for someone and she loved Jaxon, and she cared for Michael, but it was his brother. She hadn't told them that part or that Van was everything that she had ever wanted, but he was. Thoughts kept going through her mind over and over. The fact that she had feelings for them all, but Van was the one that took her heart and held it like it was precious gems.
Michael and Jaxon were different, they cared about each other. It was clear when they looked at each other, when they were together she was there because she was girl, and because they knew her, they trusted her. Cat was not good at this kind of thin and she just wanted things to be better again, to not feel like she had fucked everything up. She had to let them go though, she didn't want to be the one that hurt people. It was why she never formed attachments, it was why she never let people get attached to her, she would rather have hurt herself.
Whatever this was with Van was worth chasing, with both hands. She had to do this for herself, and it was the way that things just had to be now. She had had to choose. Though, Van had not asked her to do so. She cared about him, and it was him. It was all him, she didn't want anyone else in her life making her doubt things. She had kissed them both lovingly before she had gone and told them she loved them. Because she did, but she loved him more. She loved them with her body and most of her heart, but Van Dario Parkinson had her whole soul. When she was with him she seemed to glow from the inside like a beacon into a world of dark Purity.
Opening the door to her parent's house she got a bottle of wine and went to her room. Van would be waving her through the fire soon, they would have Razzmatazz in a few days and she would be going with him. She would be front row, hanging backstage, shagging him in the VIP room again. She would do anything that he wanted to, she would follow him into the mouth of hell if that was where this lead, but she would always look back at those two men, and wonder what might have been.
